Page 7 of Deep Blue Lies
“What the hell are you doing here?” Her voice is cold. I hear the anger already.
I glance again at the man – Matt. Why does she have to have some guy here? That only makes this a thousand times worse. But also, why on earth didn’t I tell her I was coming? Obviously I should have done that. I can be such an idiot. I take a deep breath, try to look her in the eye.
“I’m really sorry Mum. I got kicked out.”
FOUR
The whole trip back I’ve been wondering what her reaction was going to be, whether she’d scream and shout, how I’d defend myself. But she just repeats the words, like they don’t make sense, the way I’ve put them.
“You got kicked out?” She stares at me, like she’s never heard of this happening before, like she didn’t even know it was possible. It’s pretty hypocritical of her.
“Maybe I should leave you two to talk?” Matt says, giving up on the recycling by gently putting the bucket down on the floor.
“Yes, perhaps that’s a good idea.” Mum replies, without taking her eyes off me, then she does turn to him with an actual smile. “I’m sorry, Matthew, I wasn’t expecting to be interrupted like this.” When she looks back at me the smile has gone. But I just wait, still standing by the front door, while Matt gets his things together.
“Do you want to know what happened?” I ask Mum, a full minute later.
“Of course I do,” she snaps back at once. But her eyes tell me to wait.
Matt’s ready at last, and he gives my mother a meaningful look, before sliding a “good luck” glance my way and slipping out the door. Then it’s just the two of us left, Mum and me.
We go to the kitchen where Mum tops up her glass of white wine, and puts Matt’s glass into the sink to wash. After a moment’s thought she fetches a second glass for me.
“So… this is final? There’s nothing I can do?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well, that’s a bloody shame.”
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m sorry about Matt,” I say.
She waves a hand, as if she couldn’t care less about that, but she stays quiet.
“How long have you been seeing him?” I ask. “He seems cool.”
Mum’s love life is complicated – has always been complicated. First of all, I don’t know who my biological father is – so there’s that. But there were men down the years. Shawn, the South African I used to call Dad – he left when I was eight. Then Jeremy, who gave me the creeps. John was a drinker. There were others too. When I was a teenager I think Mum gave up, and concentrated instead on getting me into medical school. I didn’t really even know she was dating again. She definitely deserves some good luck with guys.
“I don’t think how long I’ve been seeing Matthew is the issue here, do you?” Her voice is ice.
I swallow. OK, this is how we’re doing this. Can’t say I’m surprised.
“It’s not entirely my fault,” I hit back. “The university were kinda unfair. They could have let me do resits.”
“If you hadn’t failed your exams you wouldn’t have needed to do resits.”
“I had to work,” I blurt out, then immediately wish I hadn’t. “I ran out of money. I had to get a job. It didn’t give me enough time to study.”
She’s silent in response to this, but takes a sip of the wine through thin lips.
“Well, that’s disappointing to hear,” she says in the end. I wait, not sure how to reply. “Extremely disappointing. We worked through a budget that was quite sufficient for you tolive off,” she says. “In fact it was more than generous. And had you told me you were having financial problems, I could have helped.Jesus ChristAva.Do you know how much I’ve invested in you? Do you think I couldn’t have thrown you a couple thousand more?”
I don’t know how to answer this. “I didn’t want to ask you again. I wanted to do it on my terms.” I’m quiet a moment. “I thought that’s what you wanted?”
She looks away, blinking her clear blue eyes a few times, before turning back.
“Your terms,” she repeats. She inspects the wine in her glass. Eventually she looks up at me.
“I really don’t believe this, Ava. I don’t believe you could have done this to me.”
