Page 23 of Soul of the Mountain
I look up from the blank computer screen I’ve been staring at all morning. It’s my first day back in the office, and I absolutely hate it here. Was I always this miserable? Did I just convince myself this is what I wanted because I didn’t know any other way to live?
“Anyway…” Monique continues. “I see you’re as chatty as ever.” She rolls her eyes and turns in her swivel chair to face her computer.
Usually, I would be pleased with this interaction. I’ve established that I still don’t do small talk, and I’m not interested in asking her about her life. After experiencing what it’s like to let someone in, however, I’m only reminded of what I don’t have.
I wish I’d never met Sullivan. Then I could go on pretending I’m not lonely and I don’t need anyone. Now that I know the deep connection we had, I’m even more empty than before I drove up to Hope Mountain.
Even as I think the words, I know they’re not true. I could never regret my time with Sullivan. It was excruciating to leave him. I almost broke down and asked him what he was thinking, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him laughing at me for falling so hard for him after only a few days. Or, even worse, if he tried letting me down gently.
My computer dings with a new email from Cindy, my boss. She’s sitting ten feet away from me in her office, but she can’t be bothered to get up and talk to me. I’ve always appreciated that about her, but right now, I’m starting to realize I need human contact. Hiding behind walls of steel didn’t protect me from getting hurt; it only isolated me more.
Gabby, I know you had an eventful weekend in Hope Mountain, but I need a report on the progress we’ve made there. We lost Sadie to the small-town charm; don’t tell me we lost you, too.
I blink and read the email again. We lost Sadie? Cindy is acting like she died or went over to the dark side. Doesn’t she know Top Spotisthe dark side?
That thought sits heavily on my chest. I didn’t realize until now how awful this place is. The bookstore owner, Lily, mentioned receiving threatening letters. That has to be borderline illegal, and even if it isn’t, it’s certainly unethical.
My cubicle is suddenly too small. The entire office is warm and stuffy, and I feel like I can’t breathe. I abruptly stand from my desk, steadying myself with a hand on my desk when the room spins. Monique gives me a questioning look, but I grab my purse and shuffle toward the hallway before she can ask what’s wrong.
I burst through the office doors, down the hall, and out into the parking lot, leaning against the side of the building to catch my breath. Before I can think about what I’m doing, I pull out my phone and call Sadie.
“Gabby!” my one and only friend greets me. I’m not even sure if she’s my friend, but she’s the only person who has been nice to me, aside from Sullivan.
“Hey,” I say weakly. I try clearing my throat, but it only makes me choke up more.
“Oh my god, what’s wrong? Did you make it back to Denver okay?”
“Yeah,” I say once I’ve somewhat gained control of myself. “I… I’m sorry. I don’t really know why I called.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“Really?” I’m not sure what to do with that information.
“Of course. I was worried about you. If you hadn’t called me today, I was going to reach out tomorrow.”
“Really?” I ask again.
“We might not know each other very well yet, but I care about you. Honestly, I was surprised you left. Cutter and I thought for sure you and Sullivan… Well, never mind. How’s everyone at the office? It’s crazy to think I won’t be back there. Kinda great, though. I don’t miss it at all. Uh, no offense.”
“It’s terrible,” I confess. I think I shocked myself as much as Gabby. “I hate it. I didn’t realize how much until right now. I got an email from Cindy, and all I wanted to do was throw my computer out the window.”
Sadie laughs softly. “I get it. What changed your mind? I thought you were happy at Top Spot.”
“I did too. But Hope Mountain…”
“Yeah. Hope Mountain,” she echoes. “Did something happen between you and Sullivan? You know I’m the last person to judge. I mean, you saw me at my lowest with Cutter. The least I can do is be here for you and listen.”
To my absolute horror, I burst into tears.
“Gabby? Oh, hun, I’m so sorry. What happened? Was Sullivan mean to you? Swear to God, I’ll have Cutter punch him in the face.”
I hear someone, I’m assuming Cutter, mumble something in the background.
“Yeah, Sullivan,” Sadie confirms.
“That’s not necessary,” I tell her after taking a few calming breaths. “I just, uh, I mean, we kind of… Ugh,” I sigh in frustration.
“Talk to me, Gabby,” my friend encourages.
