Page 24 of Soul of the Mountain
“I thought he wanted me,” I whisper. “I’ve never had a relationship or whatever. Not that Sullivan and I were in a relationship. I just thought I finally meant something to someone, but…”
“You do,” she insists. “And if Sullivan can’t see that, then he’s an idiot. Do you need me to come down for a visit? We can grab sugary coffee drinks and gossip.”
“I don’t need anything,” comes my automatic response. It’s an absolute lie, one that Sadie calls me out on straight away.
“It’s not a weakness to need other people. Remember when I needed you? Did you look down on me or make me feel guilty?”
“No. Cutter was the asshat, not you.”
“Exactly,” she says with a laugh. “Now, tell me what happened with Sullivan so I know how much damage Cutter should inflict.”
“We… got close, Sullivan and me. I told him things I’ve never opened up about before. He was my first… well, my first everything.” My face heats with a blush, but I know Sadie isn’t judging me. “But when it was time for me to pick up my car, it was like a switch was flipped. Sullivan went from this kind, thoughtful, insightful man to barely saying five words to me the entire ride to Grady’s garage.”
“Did you guys talk about what would happen when you had to go back to Denver? Did he know how strong your feelings were?”
“I kept waiting for him to bring it up. He said he wanted to be clear about how he felt, but then his phone rang, and we never finished that conversation. If it was important to him, wouldn’t he have said something? Instead, I stupidly slept with him again in a pathetic attempt to get him to admit his feelings.”
“Gabby,” she coos. “Hun, I’m so sorry. That actually really surprises me. From what Cutter said during their visit, Sullivan seemed pretty obsessed with you. He even asked how Cutter could be with someone who worked for Top Spot. At that time, Cutter didn’t know I had quit.”
“Why would Sullivan ask that?”
“You tell me,” she counters. “But it sure sounded like he was thinking about spending more than just a long weekend with you.”
“Then why didn’t he say something?”
“You could come back and ask him yourself.”
“I… no, I couldn’t.”
“Why not? We both know you’re going to quit your job as soon as you hang up.”
“What? I never said that.” Sadie doesn’t say anything for a beat, and I sigh. “I mean, yeah, that’s probably what I’m going to do,” I admit. “The thought of sitting in front of my computer makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Exactly. So now you have no excuses,” Sadie says, sounding quite pleased with herself. “Besides, do you really want to go your whole life wondering what might have been? Maybe Sullivan is just as scared of rejection as you are.”
“I’m not… Okay, yeah. Fine. You have a point.”
“I’ll be right here, awaiting your call as soon as you two kiss and make up. I mean, you know. Wait until the kissing is over before calling me,” she teases.
“I wish I had your confidence,” I mumble.
“Seriously, I have a good feeling about this. Someone has to take the leap. You’re a strong, badass, independent woman. Why shouldn’t it be you?”
I consider her words for a moment. They fill me up and ignite something deep inside. “You’re right. Fuck all of this. I have to go for what I want.”
“Yes! That’s my girl. We’ll talk soon.”
I hang up and swallow past the lump in my throat. Looking over my shoulder at the door to the office, I briefly think about walking in and yelling at Cindy that I quit. However, I don’t want to hear anything she has to say. Instead, I reply to her earlier email on my phone.
Cindy, you have in fact lost me. Not to Hope Mountain, but to human decency. Consider this my resignation, effective immediately.
A few seconds after I hit send, I hear Cindy’s screeching voice from inside the building. “Whaaaat? Where’s Gabby?”
My lips twist into a satisfied smirk, and I head to my car before she comes running out here.Good riddance, I think to myself as I take a final look at the Top Spot Realty building in my rearview mirror.
The confidence I had after hanging up with Sadie is waning the closer I get to Hope Mountain. Am I being a total and complete fool? Maybe Sullivan has already moved on and had someone else warm his bed last night while I was crying myself to sleep.
I hate that I keep doubting myself. It’s Sullivan’s fault. I was unbothered by silly feelings before he came into my life and destroyed me.
