Page 142 of The Holy Grail
Moving his finger to the eighth one, he snorted. “I just can’t even, with this. How can I be a bed hog? Three people in a King-sized bed, two of which are grown-ass men, means there’s no extra space to hog, am I right? I’m totally right. Especially when a cat is also sleeping there, and cats take up quite a bit of space. And this one about my nibbling on her nipples comment making me a pervert? She’stotallygoing to enjoy that when it happens and she knows it, so she’s just making shit up at this point, which kind of goes against her strict honesty policy, wouldn’t you say?”
With a sigh, Evan tapped on the tenth one. “This one—that I’m a hair sniffer—is actually true, but as far as red flags go, it’s really not that bad compared to some. And you know what? If she doesn’t want me sniffing her hair, she needs to start buying differentshampoo and conditioner—her hair is really soft, so I’m assuming she uses conditioner, too—because whatever she’s using smells like a lush rainforest with a hint of lavender, and I challenge any man to resist that when they’re lying in bed next to a woman whose hair is spread out on the pillow next to them. So, when it comes down to brass tacks, the reason I was sniffing her hair is on her, because of the decision she makes when purchasing hair care products.”
Then, to be funny, he made some notes on the list and left it for Jules to see later.
When he was done, Dawn Corleone jumped down and headed to her little bowl of food and started munching away, reminding Evan he needed to eat something.
Rather than attempt to make anything, he decided to finish off last night’s peach cobbler for breakfast, complete with ice cream (for the dairy, because calcium was important) then let Dawn Corleone lick the bowl clean. It was probably something he shouldn’t have done, but figured Malcom would never know.
Since he didn’t have anything to do until mid-afternoon, he decided to stay instead of going home and got to work finishing the record organization, while Dawn Corleone slept on the couch nearby.
Later, at work, around 6:00 p.m., he started getting messages in the Ménage à Trois group chat.
MALCOM: I can’t believe you got the records done.
MALCOM: Thank you!
EVAN: You’re welcome. Enjoy!
MALCOM: I’m playing Grand Funk Railroad right now.
Jules then entered the chat.
JULES: That’s really great, Mal.
JULES: Don’t forget to put it back in its correct spot, so you can always find it right away.
MALCOM: I won’t!
EVAN: By the way … after doing all that organizing, I hopped into your shower.
EVAN: Afterward, I might have borrowed some of your clothes to wear.
MALCOM: Might have?
EVAN: Okay, I totally did, because I didn’t want to put on my clothes fromyesterday. I hope that’s okay, although, if it’s not, it’s kind of too late to do anything about it.
MALCOM: Did you also borrow a pair of my underwear?
EVAN: Isn’t it weird that underwear is referred to as a ‘pair’ when ‘pair’ means ‘two’ of something?
EVAN: And yes, I’m currently wearing a pair of your underwear.
EVAN: It’s actually a bit of a turn-on, to be honest.
EVAN: I promise to wash them before returning them to you, or you can just let me keep them as a souvenir.
MALCOM: This is a little strange for me, I’m not going to lie.
MALCOM: No one’s ever borrowed my clothes before, let alone a pair of my underwear.
MALCOM: So, now I have to ask … did you mess with my coffee machine, too?
EVAN: No, Dad, I didn’t touch your coffee machine, as per your order.
MALCOM: Thank you. It was rather expensive, so I’m a little protective of it.
EVAN: A little?
