Page 104 of The Truth Serum
“That’s a problem for you then. Even if you pull out of this work…” A quick gesture indicated his spy work on the docks. “There’s more of it as a diplomat. It’s more open, of course, but there are always secrets, always problems. And that can be dangerous.”
“I know,” Nate growled.
“What are you to do then?”
It was probably a rhetorical question. Either way, Nate treated it as such and refused to answer.
“Find a home in the country?” Benedict mused. “Pen your fun stories while remembering the dangers you’d once faced?”
“Everyone gets old. Everyone wants a warm fire and a cozy bed.”
“And that’s what you think of that life. It’s something for an old man with a gray beard and a dog at his feet.”
Nate shuddered at the thought, mostly because it was true. He hadn’t expected to retire to a fire and his bed until he was nearly in his dotage. He was still a young, vital man. And he was good at this work. He was a good spy and could be a great diplomat. But to come out of the cold, he’d need a wife on his arm. Diplomatic circles needed a woman who was equally savvy, equally dangerous in her own way.
It was a world where women could be more vicious than the men. And he had no desire to put Becca in such a situation.
But the other option was to walk away completely. To disappear back into the French countryside, waiting in taverns there, sleeping in hay fields and drinking from horse troughs. He could do it. He had done it. But damn, he was already tired of it.
“Have you asked her?” Benedict pressed.
He nodded. “She laughed in my face.”
Benedict winced in sympathy.
“She was…drunk.” Actually, she’d been under the influence of that damned truth serum, but he didn’t want to explain that to Benedict.
“So that’s your answer then.”
Yes. She didn’t want to marry him. Except…
“We spent a night together.”
Benedict’s brows rose.
“Not that way. Well, yes, but notcompletelylike that.”
“Oh.”
Nate rubbed a hand over his face. Why the hell was he talking like this? Normally he kept these thoughts to himself. But thiswas too big for him to keep inside. It hurt too much. And he loved her too much.
“I… She…” God, what did he want to say? “We work well together.” No that wasn’t exactly right. “She makes me feel better.” He didn’t need to explain to Benedict how important that was. They’d both done things that haunted them. They’d both faced choices that destroyed moral men. To find someone—anyone—who eased that pain, who saw them for who they were and still loved them… Well, that person was worth her weight in gold.
“And you think you’ll make her life worse?”
He swallowed. “This life is complicated, and she’s got enough to handle.”
“You want to protect her?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’re a bloody idiot.”
Nate’s eyes widened in shock. “You know how difficult this life is.”
“Of course I do. And I know that some women aren’t suited for it. But that’s not your problem.”
“What?”
