Page 40 of Secrets That Bind Us
My brain finally works; my limbs finally move albeit slowly. The monster’s no longer there as thunder, in the form of footsteps, comes crashing down the stairs. Noah first, and then Savannah burst into my room– but Savannah had the sense to lock the door behind her. Her eyes are wide, and her chest is heaving, visibly shivering. I’ve never seen Noah so terrified.
“What’s going on up there?” I whisper, jumping out of bed and rushing to gather them.
“There’s someone in the house,” Sav whispers back.
Impossible. I set the house alarms, and the motion sensor lights outside haven’t turned on. “Get in my closet. Lock the door from the inside.” A failsafe I had Will install in case something like this happens.
Crash!
Savannah’s breath hitches, and Noah whines.
“Go. Call 9-1-1.” I hand her my phone as I usher them into my closet.
“Mommy-“
“Now, Sav. Do as I say.” I’m almost proud my voice doesn’t waiver as I close the door. “Lock it. Don’t come out unless you hear me knock three times, pause, and knock twice again, okay.”
She called meMommy.
I don’t wait for her to answer me when I shut the door, grab my softball bat from under my bed– balancing it on my shoulder as I grasp the base– and move lightly but deliberately, unlocking my bedroom door. With a sharp inhale, I step into the darkness, keeping my back against the wall. Toe-heel, toe-heel… toe-heel. I move forward. Then stop.
Creeeeeeak.
My eyes move to the dark space above me, where the guest bedroom is– just as I hear sirens in the distance. Good job, Savvy. I move back, retracing my steps delicately, and shut my bedroom door. I go to my window, unlock it, push out the screen, and then to my children. I knock the soft code on the door to let them know it’s me. When Savannah opens the door, I put my finger to my lips, telling them to stay as silent as they can while we escape. I make hand motions for them to follow me, as I have Sav climb out of my bedroom window, help Noah out, and then I go– landing with a softthudonto the back porch. Noah reaches for me, a throw blanket he must’ve grabbed from my closet is tucked around his shoulders like a cape. I clutch him tightly in my arms, bringing Sav to my chest, too, placing a kiss to her temple.
“We’re okay,” I whisper to them, shivering in my arms. It’s dark, and the crickets still chirp as though nothing has happened.
With Noah in my arms, Savvy follows me to the front of the house, gripping my arm tightly, small shuddering breaths sounding as we get on the front porch just in time– as the cruiser pulls up. I sigh in relief, but as soon as I see Dean, I want to run. I’m not ready to face him. My deceit– but never my regret– is standing between him and me. When he shines his high beam on us, it’s nothing but a beacon.
As he gets closer, I can feel my trepidation spike, blood roaring in my ears as his blue eyes widen in realization and then narrow– bouncing between me and Sav.
When I ask him to please not say anything right now, and he blinks in understanding, I almost shudder in instant relief. But the weight of it all is almost unbearable. I swallow back my sob. There are just too many emotions – too many to name. It’s not the right time.
Two other cruisers pull up and shine their high beams on the house as well, joining him. When he asks me what happened tonight, Sav and Noah tell them about a loud banging noise that woke them up, and then a tall, hooded figure standing at the threshold of their rooms– watching them sleep, walking through the upstairs.
I keep my mouth shut at the mention of the hooded figure but do let him know I heard a crash upstairs.
Dean nods, watching his daughter speak, the heated fury in his eyes not subsiding– and I know he can’t look at me right now. I can’t stand that he can’t look at me, because all I can do is stare at him. Dean gives an order for one officer to check out the yard and the barn. The other goes with him, turning on their flashlights as they step into my mother’s home–myhome– wherehis daughternow resides.
Twenty minutes pass by, and the longer they take, the more I know he’s looking at all the changes, doing his job but still inspecting it all. My things.Sav’sthings. Trying to get to know her by her knickknacks, her books, her art. All the things he wasn’t privy to the last twelve years of her life. I know he’s staring at all the pictures on the walls, looking at everything he missed out on starting with her birth. Birthdays. Kindergarten graduation. Trips around the world.
God, I’m awful.
I know he’s looking at all of the remodeling and renovations as though I swiped everything I could of his memory. I silently suffocate under the weight of that knowledge as I hold my children closer, my heart stillbleeding for the man I no longer know but still love. I hope he knows those weren’t my intentions.
After what feels like forever, the officer that went to the barn joins us, not saying a word. He looks young, still has acne– but give him a few years, and I’m sure he’ll be a handsome man.
Dean and the other finally come back. They talk amongst each other for a bit, turning to face me and his face– though grim and still angry– tells me he didn’t find anything.
Of course not. The only monster in that house is me.
I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.
“No sign of a break-in or forced entry, no sign of anyone inside or anything out of place. Are you sure there was someone inside?”
I nod. “I… I didn’t see anyone, but when I had them hidden away and locked in the closet-“
“You locked your children in the closet?” the younger officer asks, horrified.
