Page 25 of Collision of Winters
Why would I do that? “Uh, whenever Dad talks about work, it’s all cybersecurity, IT stuff, and budget reports. Thanks, I’m good.”
I had, however, asked Chris about his role at Hillcroft since he wasn’t an office guy, but he never divulged much.
“Chris told me about the time he escorted a diplomat to Libya,” I mentioned. “That was cool.”
Chris did a lot of that, from my understanding, though usually domestically.
“That’s also why someone like me is needed there,” Wade explained. “When people come home from those assignments, they sometimes need someone to talk to.”
Huh. All right. I didn’t have to worry about Wade’s job anymore, because that sounded very chill.
“I’m glad they have you.” I smiled. “Maybe I should start calling you Doc since you’re turning into my shrink too.”
He laughed and scratched Tundra behind the ear as he moseyed over. “Speaking of—I’d like to discuss something more important than what kind of relationship would make you happy.”
Oh, were we done? Because I hadn’t mentioned all the sex I wanted in a relationship too. “I wasn’t done listing the relationship stuff,” I said. “There needs to be a lot of sex and cuddles and body worship.”
He swallowed and was very focused on Tundra. I couldn’t blame him. Tundra was freaking adorable. He was scrappy like me.
“We can circle back to that another time, perhaps,” he replied. “What I’m interested in learning is what would make you happy aboutyourself. When you took your swim team to Nationals, you celebrated for a full hour. Your high grade in social studies was dismissed entirely, and it’s evidently lame to be an amazing pianist.”
Shut your face!
I wasn’t an “amazing pianist.” For starters, I hadn’t played in over five years. Also, what did an A in social studies matter when I’d barely gotten C’s in the other subjects? And let’s not forget the D inEnglish. The only language I spoke.
I curled up on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me, and I didn’t know what to say.
Wade waited patiently, and Tundra returned to his spot by the fire.
“I don’t have an answer,” I mumbled.
“We can break it down,” he offered. “If you could work with anything in the world, what would that be?”
“Logistics,” I answered immediately.
He tilted his head. “Logistics?”
I nodded. “You’ll be glad to hear me say this. I’m really good at organizing stuff and mapping out projects. For some reason, it’s always been easy for me to see the most logical way to execute something. It used to drive me batcrap crazy when we had to do group projects in school and they wouldn’t listen to me.”
Wade’s smile was all kinds of warm, joyful, and gorgeous. “You’re right—this makes me incredibly happy to hear. How come you haven’t pursued anything in that field? I mean, a ton of industries require professionals in logistics, from the travel agent at the mall to the…” He waved a hand, finding the words. “To the Army.”
He had to fucking go there, didn’t he? He had to bring up the Army.
My family was under the impression that I’d quit because it hadn’t been for me.
They didn’t know I’d failed.
They didn’t know my heart had shattered.
I looked away and clammed up. My heart started beating faster too, and that familiar instinct to flee kicked in. I wasn’t going to. I was so damn tired of running, but fuck me, it was all I knew how to do.
However, one thing was different this time around. Running wasn’t the easiest option anymore, because I knew how it was going to weigh me down. I’d be alone forever if I bailed now.
I had an honest chance to reconnect with my whole family. Wade was the key. And realistically, I was fully aware that they wouldn’t look down on me for failing. The question was ifIcould bear it. Could I look them in the eye and confess that I was incapable of anything? How would they react? Outwardly, Dad would be supportive and offer his help. Hell, they all would. But deep down, they’d be disappointed, right?
Fuck.
I swallowed hard.
