Page 24 of Collision of Winters
Wade shook his head. “I hate it when you talk down about yourself, blue. You make it sound like everything is your fault.When something goes wrong, you internalize it and blame yourself.”
That depended on the situation. “I’m not saying everything’s my fault,” I argued. “It’s not like I’m sitting around settling for scraps. I was the one who ended things with my last three partners, but I’m clearly lacking something if I struggle so hard to connect with someone. Dallas has a pretty good kink scene. It shouldn’t be so damn hard.”
Oh no. I could tell I had triggered the medical professional in Wade. He was gonna turn me into his patient.
“Let’s get to the bottom of things, then,” he said. “What are you looking for in a relationship? I understand it’s difficult to describe exactly what sparks chemistry, so we’ll start with structure, traits, and routines.”
I chewed on the corner of my lip, thinking. I didn’t mind his questions, to be honest. If it helped me understand myself better, so be it. As long as he didn’t view me as a head case.
Listen to yourself. About two minutes ago, you couldn’t imagine having someone else figure you out before you did.
Well, screw it! The circumstances had changed, maybe?
I cleared my throat. “I guess I can start by saying that I don’t want kink to take up half as much brain space as it does when I don’t have it in my life. Like, right now, it’s all I can think of—because I miss it. But in a relationship that suits me, it’s…quiet, running in the background. With maintenance checks, obviously. But I just…want something consistent and solid. A regular everyday routine, you know? We go off to work, we come home, Daddy will cook because I suck at it,” I had to add. Wade chuckled a little at that. “But I can do the dishes and clean and do laundry and…” I shrugged. “I like things tidy.”
“You want chores, in other words.”
I nodded. “Definitely. They make me happy, because I can cross things off my list and please my Dom at the same time.”
He looked around himself, searching for something, only to come to a stop, chuckle, and pinch the bridge of his nose.
“What’s funny?” I wondered.
He huffed. “I was looking for my pen so I could make notes.”
Oh my gosh, because he’d slipped into session mode, like I actually was a patient of his!
I snickered, though I wasn’t sure how to feel. On the one hand, I was allowing myself to open up for actual help, and Wade was the man who could do that. On the other…ugh, I really didn’t want him to see me as a patient.
“I’m gonna keep this notepad away from you, Sir,” I teased, placing the pad he’d given me on my lap.
“That’s probably for the best,” he agreed. “I apologize. While observing is part of the job, I’m so used to being able to ask questions and get verbal answers. Sometimes with a slew of curses too.”
Sounded like cranky patients.
Which made me realize that I didn’t actually know where he worked these days. He’d mentioned that he wasn’t at the hospital anymore.
“So, you went back to work after you burned out, right?” I asked.
He inclined his head. “I did. I started out slowly with part time, and now my schedule is full again.”
“As long as you’re careful.”
He smiled. “I am. It helps that I really love my work, for once. It’s less clinical now. No research work either. More counseling.”
Yeah, he’d always been good at that.
“Where is it? A smaller practice?”
He let out a chuckle and shifted a bit in his seat. “It’s at Quin’s agency, actually.”
What?
I wrinkled my forehead, confused. “Why would a bunch of mall cops and cybersec guys need a psychiatrist?”
Mall cops might be harshly put. Security personnel and bodyguards were better terms.
Wade eyed me with a pinch of amusement. “Have you ever Googled Hillcroft, Kayden?”
