Page 42 of Nobody Wants Me
It felt good to hold Freya, even if she would prefer to kick my ass than let me hold her.I didn’t stop.Stroking her arm, I felt this sense of calm wash over me.It felt good.And then, I started talking.
“To show my loyalty to Ivan Volkov, I had to kill my father,” I said.“But I didn’t care.There was no love between my father and me.I was just the son that could get the job done.His heir who he was training to take his place one day, anyway.He wasn’t a good dad.I had a mother and a sister, and Ivan showed me a tape.My dad had a temper, now I thought he saved that anger for me.I was happy to take it.After all, this is what I was training for—to be able to handle pain, to withstand anything that was thrown at me.Only, my dad didn’t just hit me.He killed my mother and my sister.Beat the shit out of them, and it was caught on camera, and what was worse, he lied about it.He told me there had been a break-in.Had me running around in circles trying to find a ghost that wasn’t there.My mother and sister were two of the sweetest people you could ever meet.I don’t know how she ended up married to my dad, but she did.That’s what killed her.”
I stopped, taking a breath.Even though it had been many years since I saw that damn video, and I only saw it one time, I could see it playing right now, as if I was seeing it in the flesh.My mother begging, trying to stop him from beating my sister.They were no match for his rage.He killed them and didn’t stop.A couple of guards were killed at the same time.
“Why are you telling me this?”Freya asked.
“I made a vow to myself,” Victor said.“I would never get close to any other woman ever again.I couldn’t save my mom or my sister, and both of those women were innocent.They did not deserve to die, but my dad killed them anyway.This life is not a good one.I’m not a good man.I will not hurt you, Freya, but I also will not fall in love with you.I won’t.”
Silence met my declaration.I expected her to pull away from me, to talk about us telling Ivan.
“Okay,” she said.“But you’ve got to stop yelling at me.I can accept that you won’t love me.No one ever has and I don’t expect anyone to start now.”She licked her lips.“But, unless you tell me Ivan will magically allow us to go our separate ways, our marriage will stand, right?”
I nodded my head.
She pressed her lips together.“So, how about we learn how to be friends?”
“Friends?”
“Yeah.We don’t have to have a marriage based on love, but we could at least be friends.I don’t want to be married to a man I hate.”
“We need to have kids...”
This made her nose wrinkle.I really had been a piece of work on our wedding night.
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I said.
“Victor, I don’t think ...maybe you could, like, do it into a cup, and then I somehow insert it into my vagina.”
I accepted that my ego needed to take a beating.After all, I had hurt her.This was the punishment I was being given.
“No,” I said.“I want you to ...let me have sex with you.”
She frowned.
“In time,” I said.“I’m not saying right this minute, but if I can get you to trust me, then I can finally show you that sex can be good between us.”
I couldn’t believe I was having to negotiate this.This was my fuckup.Not hers.
She wrinkled her nose.“I’m not sure, but I guess, I don’t know, it might be easier than me trying to do it myself.”
“It will be much, much better, that I promise you,” I said.
“Then we’re in agreement?”she asked.
I don’t know how we had been able to get ourselves to this point, but I was actually thankful.Freya was not a bad woman.
She was right.We were going to have to make this work, and the only way to do that was as friends.
****
Freya
“Victor’s back home?”I asked.
“Yes, just for a few days, and you get my charming company,” The Butcher said, sitting her ass on the sofa.“Nice.Ivan knows how to pick a good seat.”She gave a little wriggle.
The Butcher had come to take Victor back to the main city and then returned.She wasn’t saying anything else.We were in Ivan’s home, and I didn’t know what to say.
