Page 53 of Billionaire's Promise
"For you or for me?"
"For both of us." A nerve throbs at his temple.
"I…I don’t care anymore."
"But I do." He pivots and begins to walk down the steps, and damn it, I can’t let him go. Not yet. I surge forward, grip his arm, and he freezes. He glances down at where my fingers are wrapped around his arm, then he raises his gaze to mine. "Let me go."
"No," I shake my head, "I can’t, Baron."
"This is not right." A muscle twitches above his cheekbone.
"Why not?" I swallow. "Edward left me. Likely, he isn’t coming back."
"You don’t know that."
"Even if he did… I… I don’t know if I want to be with him anymore."
"Don’t you?" He bends his knees, peers into my eyes. I stare into his bright blue gaze and the intensity of it sweeps through my core. My heart begins to pound and my pulse rate ratchets up. I glance away from him.
"That’s what I thought."
He pulls away, stalks back to the car. and this time, I let him go.
He walks around, to the driver’s side, slides in, and slams the door. The echo reverberates around the empty street, wraps around me, settles inside my empty soul. I turn and walk inside, tears streaming down my cheeks.
I shut the door behind me and my bag slips from my hands. I stumble inside, to the bedroom, switch on the light, then manage to take off my clothes before stepping into the bathroom. I step inside the shower cubicle, start the shower, and the steam from the water envelops me. I sink down in a corner of the cubicle. I wrap my arms around my knees, bend my head and let the tears flow in earnest. Shit, shit, shit. I hug my knees more tightly to my chest, lower my forehead to mash it against my knees, trying to obliterate the pounding in my head. What the hell? Those men. I’m afraid to think of what they could have done to me if Baron hadn’t saved me. He rescued me. He’s been taking care of me.
But I’m not over Edward. I’m not sure I ever will be. He’s my first, and everything is so recent.
But Baron…I need him. I feel safe with him. When his arms are wrapped about me, when he is near me, when his scent enfolds me, it feels like anything is possible. It’s as if I’ve found another part of me. How could something so wrong, feel so right? How can I feel so much for him in such little time? Why does everything with him feel so inevitable?
This is wrong… All wrong… I am, clearly, messed up in my head. I have been from the beginning. It’s why I’d never been able to accept that my father could possibly want to be with someone else so soon after my mother’s death. And here I am, attracted to two men… At the same time. What am I going to do?
I curl into myself and weep harder. Why did my Mom have to die so early? Would she have understood what I am going through? If I spoke to Raisa about it, I know what she’d say. That I don’t need either of them. That’s how she is—one-hundred percent devoted to her career. But that isn’t me. Dance fills the creative core of me…but since I’d embraced that part of me, it’s like the feminism in me had come to the fore. I want more. I want all of it. To be independent, to run my own business, to have a man, to have a family… I want it all. At least, that’s what I’d thought. This curve ball that life has leveled at me… I have no idea what to do with it.
If only I could decide, one way or the other… If only I could forget about Edward… But I can’t. That much is clear. He’ll always be important to me… I’ll always love him… And this thing with Baron? What is it, then? Shit, I have no idea. I swallow down the tears that still threaten, then rise to my feet, stumble. The ground rises up to meet me, stops, as I am hauled upright and against a hard chest.
"You came," I whisper.
"I couldn't stay away."
18
Baron
I’d pushed back my seat in the car, tried to settle in for the night, turned this way and that, tried to make myself comfortable. And failed. Those green eyes—tortured, helpless, filled with conflicting emotions that mirrored mine. The way she had met my gaze, and I had seen then what she feels for me… And then, she had looked away. And I had known she still has feelings for Edward.
Damn the man. Why does he always have to be there to turn my life upside down? Why did he have to put me in this situation while he’s off doing what he does best—finding himself somewhere? If only the rest of us had that luxury… Some of us…don’t even know who we are anymore. My past has been buried and no amount of searching will unearth the boy I had once been. The one before the incident, the one who’d believed he had a future. The one who’d had dreams of becoming a Cricketer, of representing his country on the pitch… I’d gone on to do that alright, just on a different kind of playing field.
One which had helped bring some discipline into my life. Which had grounded me, given me something to focus on so I could move past the tattered remains of my life. In a way, it had helped me to find a part of myself. Except, I never felt fulfilled. Never felt whole…
Not until I met her… She resonates with the deepest parts of me, the parts I’ve tried to hide deep inside. The parts which now insist there is more to life. Fuck. I can’t afford to think that way. Can’t afford this crazy attraction that makes me want to take care of her in a completely different manner from what Edward had intended. Or had he?
Is this why he’d pushed us together?
Had he known that we’d be attracted to each other?
Had he wanted me to…fuck his woman? Keep her warm while he’s away, and then what? Relinquish her when he comes back? Fuck. I’d sat up then, gotten out of the car. I’d turned toward the house, found it still in darkness, except for a faint glow from the bedroom window…and somehow…somehow… It hadn’t felt right. To leave her alone after what had happened. She’d been attacked and I had hauled her back and deposited her without asking her how she was, or if she’d been hurt. If she needed anything. Yeah, I could do that. Just go in and make sure she was okay? I’d walked in—found the door unlocked and sworn aloud. Damn her, couldn’t she do this one small thing that I’d asked her to do?
