Page 110 of Deal Breaker
I don’t think. I just move. Down the porch steps and across the walkway, my feet barely touching the ground. When I reach him, I throw myself into his chest with enough force to make him stumble back a step, a softoofescaping his lips as his arms instinctively come up around me.
I cling to him, wrapping myself around him like I might never get another chance. I bury my face in the warm, familiar spot where his neck meets his shoulder, breathing him in like oxygen.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice already thick. “For not shutting me out when you have every reason to. For being patient and kind to me. For showing up for her—” my voices catches. “For loving her.”
He’s still, then one arm slides up the back of my neck and I feel the scratch of his jaw against my temple.
“Loving her is the easy part of all of this.”
I let go of him and stand here in the dark, hugging my arms around my stomach as I watch him drive away.
FORTY
Ford
The trail cuts through the forest like a ribbon, flanked by towering Douglas firs and clusters of cedar trees that still smell like rain even though it hasn’t fallen in days. The sunlight filters through the dense canopy in narrow shafts, catching on the morning mist that still clings to the undergrowth. It’s cool here, even in June.
Jesse, Noah, and I have been running for a while, up past the ridge above Deep Cove where the town feels miles away. This is where I come to think. Or not think. Where I go when my chest is too tight, and my brain won’t shut up. The trails are just hard enough to make your body burn and your lungs stretch wide, perfect for when your mind’s racing and you need something physical to chase the noise out.
Jesse finally breaks the silence, his breathing steady but strained. “So… how’s she doing?”
He means Poppy. They’ve all known her name since the night I came home from the hospital and nearly put my fist through the wall.
“She’s good,” I say, dodging a root and keeping my stride. “Better than good. She’s… incredible. She’s got this laugh that makes your chest ache. And she looks just like me, it’s fucking wild. She has so much of Lan in her too.”
“She sounds great,” Noah says.
“Yeah. She’s amazing.”
We stop to catch our breath when we hit the lookout point, a break in the trees where the land drops off and the ocean stretches out to the horizon. I stretch my arms over my head, watching the wind ripple across the bay.
Noah speaks up. “So, you guys gonna tell her soon?”
“Yeah. This week.” I swallow hard. “Landyn and I are telling her together. It’s the right thing to do. But, man…” I pause, shaking my head. “I’m scared shitless.”
“You think she’s gonna take it hard?” Noah asks.
“I don’t know. I just know I don’t want to be the reason she’s upset. I can’t…I can’t stand the idea of being the person who breaks her heart. It feels like we’ve been making good progress, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”
There’s silence again, then Jesse says, “And what about Landyn?”
“What about her?”
“You two figuring things out?”
I let out a long breath. “That’s messier. I’m still mad. I lost six years I’ll never get back and she’s the reason why.”
“But you also still love her,” Jesse says. It’s not a question.
“Of course I do,” I admit, almost angry at how true the statement is. “I always have. Even when she left. Even now, when I don’t know how to look at her without feeling like I’m breaking open.”
Noah nods. “Love can’t undo the betrayal. But it might be the thing that helps you heal from it.”
I glance at both of them. They are the only two people, aside from Wes, in the world who know what it took to crawl out of the life we were given. And even now, after everything I’ve built, as I stand on the edge of everything I thought I wanted, all I know is this:
Poppy changed everything.
I want to be a man she can look up to, even if I’m still figuring out how to forgive the woman who made me a father.
