Page 111 of Deal Breaker
“I get why she did it,” I say again, quieter this time. “That’s the hardest part. She was scared that I wouldn’t want the baby. That she’d ruin my life. She thought she was doing the right thing. But none of that makes it any easier.”
I kick a rock off the trail, watching it tumble down the slope.
“And in some ways, she wasn’t wrong,” I admit, pain lacing every word. “I would’ve dropped everything. I would’ve thrown away my shot at Cove, at getting all of us out of that shitty life and giving us something better. I would’ve done it for her. For our kid.” My voice breaks at the end, and I have to stop for a second, rubbing a hand across my forehead. “That’s what kills me. She knew I loved her enough to burn the whole goddamn plan to the ground, and she couldn’t live with being the reason I did that.”
Jesse and Noah don’t say anything, letting the silence breathe.
“It’s just… heartbreaking. She raised our daughter on her own. She built this whole life without me. And now that I’m finally here, part of me wants to scream at her for taking it away, and the other part just wants to hold on to what I’ve got.”
“Do you think you can you move past it?” Jesse asks.
I look out at the ocean, my jaw tight. “I don’t know,” I say honestly. “I want to. God, I want to. Every time I look at Poppy, I think… this is it. This is what matters. But then I look at Landyn and I still feel the bruise. I still hear the silence of those seven years. And I don’t know how to stop feeling it.”
Noah claps a hand on my shoulder. “Give it time, man. If you’re both still in it, you’ll get there.”
I nod, but the ache in my chest doesn’t leave me.
Because I already know I’m still in it. I never left.
I’ve spentthe past three days running over the words in my head, playing out every possible reaction she might have, hoping for the best but mentally preparing myself for the worst.
The three of us are sitting on the porch at the cottage. Poppy’s bike—pink, of course, with glittery streamers—is tipped over on the driveway. I spent the past 30 minutes jogging alongside her, helping her learn to ride without training wheels. She’s determined like her mom. And like me. She fell once, skinning her knee. She cried for about 10 seconds before hopping back on, gritting her teeth like it was personal. I think I’ve said “I’m so proud of you” at least a hundred times today. I’ll say it a hundred more. Now she’s curled beside me on the porch swing, between me and Landyn. The air smells like cut grass and summer and the porch light is starting to glow against the deepening evening sky.
It would be a perfect night, if it weren’t for the weight ofwhat needs to be said bearing down on us. I look at Landyn, catching her eye over Poppy’s head We haven’t touched since she flew down the driveway and into my arms the other night. A quiet tension lives between us, like we’re both waiting to exhale.
Poppy swings her feet, her cheeks pink, her curls wild and sweaty under her helmet. “Did you see that last one?” she asks, beaming. “I almost went all the way down the driveway.”
“You crushed it,” I say, bumping her shoulder lightly with mine. “Total pro.”
She grins up at me, all confidence and sunshine. Landyn shifts in her seat. The moment is here. She sets the mug down gently on the porch rail. “Hey, Poppy? Can we talk to you for a second?”
“Okay,” she says, still smiling, though she tilts her head, sensing something in our tone. I reach over, unbuckling her helmet strap, more to buy time than anything else. My heart is pounding.
Landyn brushes a curl from our daughter’s face.“You know how special you are, right? How loved?”
Poppy nods, suddenly quieter.
“There’s something really important we want to tell you,” I say, my voice thick. “Something that might surprise you.”
She blinks up at me, her eyes round and curious. “Okay.”
“I love you so much,”Landyn says again, brushing her hand down Poppy’s back. “You know that, right?”
Poppy nods. “Yeah.”
“And sometimes,” I add, swallowing the nerves building in my throat, “grown-ups have to tell you things that are alittle…big. Things that might be confusing at first, but they come from a really good place.”
Poppy’s brows pinch together. “Like what?”
Landyn’s eyes meet mine. They’re wet. Brimming. She nods once.
I take a deep breath. “Like the truth,” I say. “The kind of truth that changes everything. That makes things even better.”
Poppy sits up a little straighter and looks between us, suddenly unsure.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” I shift to face her, trying to keep my voice soft. “Something really important.”
She blinks up at me and all I can see is how innocent and trusting she is. I rub my hands on my jeans and try again. “You know how we’ve been hanging out lots lately? Bike rides, grilled cheese, dance class?”
