Page 55 of Coronation
“Come inside,” Ben offers quietly, opening the door and stepping out of the way to allow me inside first.
The space beyond is very different from the other areasof the palace I’ve seen so far. The stuffy antiques are gone, and in their place are a worn, comfortable leather couch, a television, and an eclectic array of art. There isn’t a single ugly marble bust in sight, and the high, paned windows to our right look out on the very garden wherethe looktook place. Its many blooms are bathed in warm morning light, and beyond it, I can just make out the edge of the hedge maze.
It hits me that this is Ben’s private residence—his home—and I don’t understandwhy he would bring me here.Surely there are other places we could have spoken privately?
Unsettled, I curl my arms around my middle, turning in time to see the man in question closing the door behind us, a hand raking through his hair as he does. My heart performs a feeble flutter as he turns to look at me, and for a moment, neither of us speaks.
I’m carrying his child.
He couldn’t know that, of course. I’m barely a month along, and it will be a while before I can’t hide it. Looking at him now, though, it’s impossible not to wonder which of this man’s features will be reflected in our baby. Will they have the shape of his mouth or the color of his hair? Will they have his long legs? His quiet intelligence? His dry humor?
Ben breaks the silence. “I suppose I should begin by apologizing. Again.” A pained expression crosses his handsome features. “For getting you into this mess. It wasn’t intentional.”
That, at least, I believe, and my throat is tight as I nod. “Thank you,” I say, my voice barely over a whisper. “I appreciate that.”
There are five yards between us, and Ben takes a step forward hesitantly, searching my face. “However you’d like to handle this, whether it be going along with the plan or denying we have anything to do with one another, I’ll respect your wishes and do what I can to support them.” He grimaces. “Though I do believe we would be unwise to deny our involvement entirely. There are loose ends that would be complicated to tie up, the pub in Fernhill for a start.”
He isn’t wrong, but Ben has no idea that the biggest loose end of all is currently growing unchecked in my uterus.
I hadn’t thought of the pub, though, or any of this, really. I’ve recently learned that a positive pregnancy test has a way of overshadowing any and all other worries one may have. “Right.” I blow out a rocky breath, tightening my hold on myself. It’s overwhelming to find this massive decision, one that may very well stay with me for the rest of my life—and Ben’s, for that matter—dumped squarely in my lap. “I-I-” My voice falters, and Ben’s expression softens.
“Come sit down,” he urges me gently, moving to my side. His large, warm hand lifts to my shoulder, and I allow him to guide me over to the well-worn leather couch. When I sit down on one end, with Ben taking the other, my lungs are filled with his cinnamon and redwood scent.
This doesn’t help matters.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him with a hysterical little laugh, my bottom lip trembling. “It’s been a really long week.”
Ben shakes his head. “You have nothing to apologize for. If you’d rather leave it until another day, we can do that, too. I don’t want you to make a hasty decision you’ll later regret.”
The consideration in the offer surprises me, and for the first time since I saw it, I allow myself to really wonder at the meaning behindthe look,which has now been seen around the world.
Everyone and their mother seems desperate for me to shed some light on it, but I’m as in the dark as they are. It seems like every interaction I have with this man brings to light another conflicting facet of his personality, and I’m no closer to knowing him now than I was when we met.
It’s terrifying to find yourself linked to someone insuch a profound way, equal parts responsible for creating a whole human being, and not really know them.
Now, more than ever, I need to find out. I need to know that I won’t be sentencing my baby to life with a cold, disinterested father. I need to know if he cares about me, even a little.
A few weeks ago, I was telling him I needed to protect myself by staying away. Now, I’m walking right into the storm, with only this feeble PR stunt as a shield.It’s not enough.I have never felt so vulnerable, but running away isn’t an option. Not this time.
I know I still have options.
I know I don’t have to have this baby if I don’t want to.
I also know myself, and in my heart, there was never really a choice.
“Zelda?” Ben’s voice, quiet and unsure, tears me from my thoughts. He looks as flayed open as I feel, leaning forward as he stares at me, waiting for me to speak.
My heart is pounding. “Let’s do it.”
There’s a flicker of surprise in his expression, and I watch his throat bob in the seconds it takes him to respond. “You want to go along with their plan? For us to pretend to be together?”
“Yes.” That single word is about all I can manage right now, still reeling from the rush of emotions this decision provoked. Even a few days ago, I never would have agreed to this.
There are so many pitfalls, but the biggest one of all is the effect this man has had on me from day one. I don’t trust my ability to figure out who he really is, when my track record thus far has been beyond dismal. What will I do if it turns out this man really is the asshole I fear he is? What will I do then?
I’m more terrified than I’ve been of anything in my life, but the few alternatives I have are worse. We have to do this.
Lifting my chin, I stare back at the silent, grim-faced manbefore me, and when I speak, my voice betrays none of what I’m feeling. “It’s good for my career, for my family, the movie… We had a fling, and it’s over now. My ego isn’t so bruised that I can’t act in my own self-interest. This would be a beneficial arrangement for me.”
