Page 15 of Healing Hearts on Thistledown Lane: Part 3
She meant about Jamie, Maura supposed, but it wasn’t a question she could answer – not right at that moment. The bullet of his betrayal was too fresh; it lodged in her stomach, radiating cold and subjecting her to endless ripples of shock. She needed time to come to terms with this new reality, to absorb the damage, before she could even begin to fathom what came next. But before that, she had to make certain that what Liam had told her was true. ‘Confront Jamie, I guess,’ she said. ‘Hear it from him.’
Giulia raised her eyebrows. ‘Will he admit it?’
Maura thought back to the silent hours she’d spent in Jamie’s company of late, the unmissable increase in his drinking, the sense that he was somehow elsewhere even when he was at home. She swallowed hard against the painful lump that rose in her throat. ‘I think he wants to.’
‘And you?’ Giulia asked. ‘What do you want?’
‘I…’ Maura looked down at the box of pastries, her eyes swimming. ‘I don’t think there’s any coming back from this.’
The other woman reached out to squeeze her hand. ‘Then do it tonight. Look him in the eye, hold firm and tell him it’s over.’
The thought made Maura’s head swirl but she managed to nod. ‘Okay.’
Giulia took a notepad and pen from the pocket of her apron and scrawled a number on it. ‘Call me if you need to. I’ll bring more pastries.’
Again, Maura nodded, although it felt as though her head might fall off with the effort. ‘I will. Thanks.’
She wasn’t sure how she got home. She knew she’d walked – her aching muscles proved that – but she couldn’t have told anyone where she went. For a time, she contemplated not going home at all. Catching a bus to her parents’ house and immersing herself in their love and support. But Giulia’s advice rang in her ears –do it tonight– and the small part of Maura’s brain that was still functioning rationally knew she was right. Even so, when at last she opened the door to the flat and climbed the stairs, she found herself hoping Jamie was not there. But luck had deserted her, or perhaps it hadn’t, because he was slouched in the furthest armchair, an open bottle of wine on the coffee table and an empty glass beside it.
He looked up from the papers in his hand, his expression irritated. ‘You’re back late. Where have you been?’
Heart thundering, she slid her bag from her shoulder and began fumbling with the zip of her coat. ‘I went for coffee.’
‘At this time of night?’ His lip curled. ‘I don’t believe you.’
Maura shook her arms free of her coat. What was that saying about every accusation being a confession? ‘I went for coffee,’ she repeated and met his gaze with level frankness. ‘With Liam.’
His expression was suddenly wary. ‘With Liam? Why?’
‘Because he wanted to tell me the reason Zoe broke up with him,’ Maura said, not breaking eye contact. Now that the moment of confrontation was here, her head felt oddly clear of the cotton-wool fuzziness that had clouded her thoughts since leaving the coffee shop. It still hurt – really hurt – to look at Jamie, but her voice was steady. ‘I think you know what I mean.’
He picked up the wine bottle, filled his glass, and leaned back in the chair. ‘I know what he thinks happened. The bloody idiot got himself suspended for it at the weekend.’
‘So he told me,’ she said. ‘Why didn’t you tell me about the fight? Why did you say it was someone on the other team who gave you that bruise?’
Jamie shrugged. ‘I didn’t want to embarrass Liam. He’s done a good enough job of that himself.’ He eyed her over the top of the wine glass. ‘So what exactly did he tell you? Some rubbish about me and Zoe, I suppose.’
Maura’s stomach began to churn. She forced herself to stay calm. ‘That’s right. Except it’s not rubbish.’ She took a deep breath, reached inwards for her spine and gripped it hard. ‘You and Zoe are having an affair.’
To his credit, he didn’t summon up an expression of mock outrage or the blustering denial she was expecting. Instead, he simply stared at her, eyes glittering. ‘That’s not—’
‘Don’t bother, Jamie,’ Maura said, moving forward to rest her hands wearily on the sofa. ‘I know. What I don’t understand is why.’
He opened his mouth to speak but she waved him into silence. ‘Not why you did it – it’s been obvious for a while that you’re not happy with me, or our life together – but why you didn’t do the right thing and tell me you wanted out.’ She raised her chin. ‘Honesty, Jamie. You owed me that, after all these years.’
‘Honesty?’ he echoed, his tone quietly incredulous. ‘You’re a fine one to talk. You can barely look at me, have no interest in what I want or how I feel. If we’re being honest, Maura, how about admitting it’s been a long time since you were in love with me?’
The words stung, slashed at her heart like shards of glass, but even as she flinched, she knew the truth. She wasn’t in love with him, hadn’t been for – well, she didn’t know how long. But that didn’t mean she deserved this betrayal. ‘I’m not the one who slept with someone else.’
She saw him weighing his options. Would a denial now do him any good? Could he somehow talk her round? ‘Maura—’
‘Don’t,’ she said, running a hand over her suddenly too hot eyes. ‘Don’t try to make this my fault. I admit there have been problems – maybe I haven’t tried as hard as I should have to put things right – but you’re the one who’s hit the self-destruct button. It’s over.’
Jamie didn’t move, didn’t speak. He simply watched her until at last a sob escaped her iron determination not to cry in front of him. ‘Okay,’ he said.
His acceptance caught her off guard. She’d expected him to fight, to rail against Liam and accuse him of trying to blacken his name. She’d thought, even in the face of the affair, that he wouldn’t just walk away. And for the first time, she got a sense of how unhappy he truly was. She took a breath to steady herself, gripped the cloth back of the sofa. ‘Where will you go?’
He lifted one hand, pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘Right now? To a hotel, probably. I’ll sort something out.’
