Page 58 of Cowboy
Her face lights up at the suggestion, and I feel a warmth in my chest. These small moments of joy, of normalcy, are precious after everything we've been through.
As we settle in the kitchen, Saoirse perched on a stool while I heat the milk, I can't help but think about what lies ahead. Vienna. Dylan. The possibility of finally getting answers, of understanding why my own brother betrayed me so completely.
"Caoimhe?" Saoirse's voice breaks through my reverie. "Are you okay?"
I realize I've been stirring the milk mechanically, lost in thought. "I'm fine, sweetheart," I assure her, pouring the steaming liquid into mugs. "Just thinking."
"About the bad men?" she asks, her voice small.
My heart clenches. Of course she would pick up on my tension. She's far too perceptive for her young age, a result of all she's been through.
"No, not about them," I lie, not wanting to worry her further. "I was thinking about how brave you've been. How proud I am of you."
Saoirse's face lights up at the praise, and she takes a careful sip of her hot chocolate. "I'm proud of you too," she says seriously. "You saved me."
Tears prick at my eyes, and I have to turn away for a moment to compose myself. When I face her again, I manage a smile. "We saved each other, sweetheart."
As we finish our hot chocolate, I make a decision. I need to prepare Saoirse for what's coming, as gently as I can.
"Saoirse," I begin carefully, "there's something I need to talk to you about."
Saoirse looks up at me, her eyes wide and attentive. I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words.
"You know how Ciarán has been helping us?" I begin gently. She nods. "Well, he and I need to go away for a little while. To try and make sure the bad men can't hurt anyone else."
Saoirse's lower lip trembles. "Are you leaving me?"
"No, sweetheart, never," I assure her quickly, pulling her into a hug. "You're going to stay with Grá and Bozo while we're gone. Remember them? They're very nice and they'll take good care of you."
She pulls back, her face scrunched in thought. "But why can't I come with you?"
I stroke her hair, my heart aching. "It's not safe where we're going. But I promise we'll come back as soon as we can. And we'll call you every day."
Saoirse is quiet for a moment, processing this. Then she looks up at me, her eyes serious. "Are you going to find my real mommy?"
The question catches me off guard. We've never really talked about Saoirse's birth mother, the woman who sold her own child. "No, sweetheart," I say carefully. "We're not looking for her. We're trying to find the people who hurt us, to make sure they can't hurt anyone else."
She nods, seeming to accept this. "Will you be safe?"
I force a smile, pushing down my own fears. "Of course. Ciarán will be with me, and he's very strong and brave. We'll be fine."
As I hold Saoirse close, I silently pray that I'm telling her the truth. The thought of facing Dylan, of confronting the horrors of the past year, terrifies me. But I know I have to do this, for both our sakes.
"When do you leave?" Saoirse asks, her voice muffled against my shirt.
"In a couple of days," I tell her. "We'll have plenty of time to pack and get you settled with Grá and Bozo."
Saoirse nods, but I can see the worry in her eyes. I pull her close again, wishing I could shield her from all of this. "It's going to be okay," I whisper, as much to myself as to her.
Just then, we hear the rumble of a motorcycle approaching. Saoirse perks up immediately. "Is that Ciarán?"
I move to the window, relief washing over me as I see him pulling into the driveway. "Yes, it is. Let's go say hello."
As we step outside, Ciarán is just taking off his helmet. His face breaks into a smile when he sees us, but I can see the tension in his shoulders, the worry in his eyes.
"Everything okay?" I ask as he approaches.
He nods, ruffling Saoirse's hair affectionately. "Yeah, just a lot to process. We need to talk later."
