Page 51 of Cowboy
I hesitate. The thought of going out in public still makes me anxious. "I don't know..."
Ciarán reaches across the table, gently taking my hand. "We don't have to if you're not ready. But I'll be with you the whole time, and we can leave whenever you want."
I look at Saoirse, who's watching me with hopeful eyes. She's been so brave through all of this, and I know she needs some semblance of normalcy too.
"Okay," I say finally. "We can try."
Saoirse cheers, and I can't help but smile at her enthusiasm.
After breakfast, we get ready to head out. As I borrow some of Ciarán's clothes again, I'm struck by how much I need this shopping trip. I need to reclaim some part of myself, to have clothes that are mine again.
As we drive to the mall, I feel my anxiety rising. Ciarán seems to sense this and reaches over to squeeze my hand reassuringly.
"Remember," he says softly, "we can leave anytime you want. Just say the word."
I nod, grateful for his understanding.
The shopping center is busy, and I feel myself tensing up as we enter. But Saoirse's excitement is contagious, and I find myself relaxing slightly as we make our way to the first store.
As we shop, picking out clothes for both Saoirse and I, I start to feel a bit more like myself. The simple act of choosing what to wear, of having control over something so basic, is surprisingly empowering.
We're in a children's store, Saoirse trying on a bright yellow dress, when I hear a familiar voice behind me.
"Caoimhe? Is that you?"
I freeze, my heart racing. Slowly, I turn to see my old friend, Aoife, standing there, her eyes wide with surprise.
"Oh my God, it is you!" she exclaims, moving as if to hug me.
I instinctively step back, bumping into Ciarán, who's appeared behind me. His hand on my back steadies me.
"Aoife," I manage to say, my voice shaky. "Hi."
Aoife's smile falters as she takes in my reaction. "I... We all thought... Are you okay?"
I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. "I'm... I'm fine. It's just been a long time."
Ciarán steps forward slightly, his presence reassuring. "Hi, I'm Ciarán," he says, extending his hand to Aoife.
Aoife shakes his hand, her eyes darting between us. "Nice to meet you. I'm Aoife, an old friend of Caoimhe's."
Just then, Saoirse emerges from the dressing room, twirling in her yellow dress. She stops short when she sees the tension in my face.
"Caoimhe?" she says uncertainly, moving to my side.
I put my arm around her shoulders, drawing strength from her presence. "Saoirse, this is my friend Aoife. Aoife, this is Saoirse."
Aoife's eyes widen slightly as she takes in the scene, clearly trying to piece together what's going on. "It's nice to meet you, Saoirse," she says, her voice gentle.
I can see the questions forming in Aoife's eyes, but I'm not ready to answer them. Not here, not now.
"We should go," I say quietly to Ciarán. He nods, understanding in his eyes.
"It was nice to meet you, Aoife," Ciarán says. "But we need to get going."
Aoife nods, still looking confused and concerned. "Of course. Caoimhe, it's really good to see you. Maybe we could catch up sometime?"
I hesitate, torn between the desire to reconnect with my old life and the fear of facing all the questions that would come with it. "Maybe," I say finally. "I'll... I'll be in touch."
