Page 36 of Cowboy
I steel myself, pushing down the revulsion and fear. I have to be strong, have to survive, for Saoirse's sake.
As I approach, Mr. Blackwood suddenly lurches to his feet, swaying slightly. "You know, since Margaret died, I've been lonely," he says, his voice thick with emotion and alcohol. "But you... you remind me of her when she was young."
I freeze, unsure of where this is going. Mr. Blackwood has never spoken to me like this before.
He reaches out, his hand cupping my cheek. I fight the urge to flinch away. "Perhaps," he muses, "it's time for a change. How would you like to be the new Mrs. Blackwood?"
My mind reels at his words. Become his wife? The thought makes me sick. There's no way in hell I'd ever allow that to happen.
Before I can respond, Mr. Blackwood's mood shifts again. His grip on my face tightens painfully. "You think you're too good for me?" he snarls, his breath hot on my face. "Remember your place, girl."
With that, he shoves me against the wall. I brace myself for what's to come, closing my eyes and trying to retreat into my mind as I've done so many times before. His fingers clench around my neck as he begins his assault on me. The same shit just a different day. I take a deep breath, blocking him out. I have no fight left in me. I used to. When I first came here, I'd fight like hell, but I'd be beaten horrendously, to the point of being on the verge of going unconscious, and the men wouldn't care. They'd still take whatever the hell they wanted. I'd still be raped, even while barely conscious and bleeding.
I think about Ciarán and the kiss we shared. I always think about him and the way he made me feel safe.
His hands roam my body, rough and demanding. I try to retreat further into my mind, to escape this nightmare, but his harsh voice drags me back.
"Look at me," he growls, his hand gripping my chin forcefully.
I open my eyes, meeting his gaze. I hate when he does this, when he makes me look at him while he does whatever the hell he wants to me.
He thrusts into me brutally. While I stare at him, my mind drifts away, taking me from the horrors of what’s happening to me. I think about escaping, and I imagine what mine and Saoirse’s life would be like if we were away from here, safe and free.
“You have been here almost a year now,” he growls low once he’s finished with me. “You have yet to get pregnant. Are you unable to bear children?”
I swallow hard as his grip tightens on my jaw.
"I don't know," I whisper, fear coiling in my stomach. If he thinks I can't have children, what will he do to me?
His eyes narrow dangerously. "Perhaps we need to have you examined. Ensure everything is... functioning properly."
The implication in his words makes me shudder. I've heard whispers from the other women about the examinations some have endured. They're brutal, invasive, and often result in even more trauma.
"Please," I say, hating the tremor in my voice. "I'm sure it's just stress. Or timing."
Mr. Blackwood's grip loosens slightly, but his eyes remain cold. "For your sake, I hope you're right. I have no use for barren women."
With that, he shoves me away. I stumble, catching myself against his desk.
"Get out," he snarls. "I'll send for you later."
I don't need to be told twice. I hurry from the room, my heart pounding. As soon as I'm in the hallway, I lean against the wall, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing thoughts.
I make my way back to the room I share with Saoirse, my mind whirling. What if I can never get pregnant? The thought of bringing a child into this hell is unbearable. There’s no way I’d want to have a baby in this evilness. I shudder, thinking of what Mr. Blackwood might do if he decides I'm useless to him.
As I enter the room, I see Saoirse still napping peacefully. Looking at her innocent face, I know that I have to get us out of here, no matter what it takes.
I sit on the edge of my bed and not for the first time wonder what the hell Saoirse’s birth mother was thinking when she sold her. Was she in a dark place or did she just not want the sweet little girl that is the brightest spark in my life?
As I'm lost in thought, there's a soft knock at the door. I tense, fearing it might be Mr. Blackwood again, but when I open it, I find Maria standing there, her eyes wide with urgency.
"Caoimhe," she whispers, glancing nervously down the hallway. "I need to speak with you. It's important."
I let her into the room and close the door behind her. “What’s wrong, Maria?”
“There are people coming,” she says hurriedly. “Mr. Blackwood owes a lot of money. He’s been losing money for years and now it’s finally caught up to him.”
My heart races at Maria's words. "What do you mean? Who's coming?"
