Page 61 of Overtime Goal
“Wait.” He stood, mug in hand. “I need more coffee. You?”
“Yes, please.” My stomach was in such a knot I wasn’t sure I could keep anything down, but at least I’d get a moment to breathe while he was in the kitchen.
“Be right back.”
He stayed inside so long I wondered if he’d bailed again. I tried to calm myself by looking down at the sea and enjoying the scent of lemon blossoms, but it didn’t work very well. When he finally returned, he set a fresh mug in front of me before sitting down.
“What were you curious about?” he asked. “Never known you to be big on research.”
Was that a dig, or just Logan being Logan?
“I research things when they matter.” My voice was louder than I meant it to be. “And this matters a lot.”
He gave a small shrug. “All right. So?”
My heart was pounding so hard I pressed a palm to my chest. “I read about bisexuality.”
His eyebrows shot up. “And?”
“And…” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Turns out it’s not one-size-fits-all. There are all kinds of ways to be bi, and I’m trying to figure some things out.”
He nodded once, and I gave him the rough version of what I’d read.
When I finished, he was quiet for a moment, then sighed. “Look at you, Ade, doing your homework.”
His lack of enthusiasm made my heart start pounding again. I wished I’d said more, though I didn’t know what. “I’m trying,” I said.
“I know.” His voice was softer now. “It’s good to be informed.”
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
“I… I…” My stomach fluttered so hard I wondered if the butterflies were real. “I might be bi. The kind where you’re attracted to two genders but only get emotional fulfillment from one.”
He drained at least half his coffee before meeting my eyes. “It’s a possibility. You’re attracted to me, but I know you prefer women.”
“No, you’ve got it backward. I’d never been with a man before you, but you know I’ve only had one girlfriend in my life, back in juniors. It only lasted a couple of months, and I was relieved when it was over.”
He shook his head. “Riles, you’ve gone through so many women since we met, I couldn’t begin to count. And those are just the ones you’ve told me about.”
“You’re not getting it. I’m like Holky was, keeping up the womanizer act but never finding more than temporary relief. All those dates and hookups… I was looking for something I never found.” I blew out my cheeks and forced myself to meet his gaze. “Except with you. You’re everything I’ve needed, and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to realize it.”
He looked off toward the Mediterranean. I stayed still, waiting for him to speak.
When he turned back, his expression was serious. “I don’t believe it means what you think it does. You and I have been good friends, and I hope we can still be. But let’s face facts. I’m twelve years older than you, and I think you’ve been gettingsome emotional support from me that you never got from your father.”
“Shut the fuck up!” The words exploded out of me. I was halfway out of my chair before I gripped the arms to keep myself down. “You arenothinglike my father. I’ve never once thought of you that way. What he didn’t give me, and what you and I have, are not related at all.” I took a deep breath and forced my voice down. “Maybe you think we’re only ‘good friends,’ but you’re mybestfriend. What you’ve given me is something I’ve never had with anyone, something very intimate, and I want to explore what that means.”
I took a quick sip of coffee and went on before he could jump in. “If I’m bi, this could be everything for us. We’ve never admitted it, but we’re already in a relationship. Who knows where it might go? Don’t deny you have feelings for me because I know you do. If I’m bi, I?—”
He held up a hand. “Stop, Riles. Listen to yourself.Might, maybe, if.Everything you’ve said is hypothetical. Sure, you could be bi, but I think the reason you’ve gone through so many women is because you’re young and not ready to settle down. And even if you’re right about what you’ve found with me, you’re no more ready to commit to me than you are to a woman.”
“Not true. We’re already?—”
“Itistrue, Riles.” His expression softened. “If you were prepared for any of this, you wouldn’t have made everything you said so conditional. When you’re ready for something, you’re willing to take a leap and try to make it work. You make sacrifices to be together and not hurt the other person, which is the total opposite of what happened yesterday.”
“Iamready.”
He cocked his head. “No, you aren’t. Yesterday was?—”
