Page 56 of Overtime Goal
My stomach churned when I remembered everything that had happened with Quinn. This would require serious thought. Still, desperate times and all that. At least it would get my mind off Riley for an hour or two.
I met Quinn’s eyes. “Maybe. We’ll have to see.”
He nodded, then stood and offered his hand. I got up too, and while we shook, he leaned in so close I felt his breath against my ear. “I can’t wait.”
“I said we’d see, Q. Here about four o’clock?”
“Counting the hours.” He straightened and gave me a heated glance. “My number’s the same if you clear up some time before then.”
I sat, and as he walked away, I couldn’t help admiring the curve of his ass. No red-blooded person could deny Quinn was sexy, but even saying “maybe” made something inside me feel hollow. Fun, casual sex might be what I needed, but doing it with Quinn could make me feel even worse. I downed the rest of my beer, feeling very confused.
22/
riley
I wentswimming after Logan stormed out, hoping to clear my mind. It didn’t work. My head was still a mess when I dragged myself out of the water. My heart was thudding, not from the swim but from everything else, and I flopped onto a lounger.
The sky was blazing blue, and the cliffs were as sharp as my feelings. The fucking view didn’t help, though. It only made me more aware that he was down there somewhere, wandering the crooked streets without me and acting like he was fine. He was probably laughing with strangers and nodding at whatever the tour guide said. I kept picturing him pausing for photos, arms crossed, wearing the little squint-smirk he always had when the sun was in his eyes.
Meanwhile, I was sitting there like a dumbass. I wished he’d talked to me like a normal person instead of getting passive-aggressive and throwing knives with his words. Why had he acted like I’d betrayed him? Did he think I was dying to fuck Natalie and forget he even existed?
Going out with her was a good PR move, and sure, I could appreciate the idea of getting naked with Natalie Langdon. I had a dick and a pulse, after all. But it wouldn’t happen, not tonight,and probably not ever. I didn’t want her; I wanted to be with Logan.
When I’d tried to say that, he’d shut down, insinuating all kinds of ridiculous things. Obviously, I’d hurt him, but he’d hurt me too. So, I matched his maturity level and let him walk out thinking I didn’t care. That was total bullshit, because he was all I could think about.
I was so confused, my reptilian brain took over. Under the circumstances, would it really have been so bad if I ended up doing something with Natalie? I liked women, after all. It wasn’t like I couldn’twantto fuck her. And if I was going to be judged guilty, maybe I might as well enjoy the crime.
As I stared into the distance, the thought faded and then disappeared. What the goddamn hell? That was the same old nonsense I’d heard teammates spouting since juniors, and as much as I’d wanted to be the role model for skirt chasers everywhere, I’d always thought that kind of thinking was ridiculous. Two wrongs never make a right, and if I stood any chance of straightening this out with Logan, I’d better keep my nose clean. God, if I did something with her only to get back at him, I’d never be able to look in a mirror again.
I liked Logan more than I knew what to do with. We were best friends, or at least we had been. Fun was our middle name when we were together, and he’d pulled me out of more funks than I could count. Now, I couldn’t get enough of the sex because it was awesome. Logan was everything I’d always needed in my life. If only he weren’t a man, I wouldn’t be confused. I’d know exactly what I wanted.
“Look at this pigsty. Your mother has told you to clean up your room over and over. You think you’re too good to do it just because you’re on a fucking bantam hockey team?”
“Dad, I?—”
“Now, I’ll give you some motivation to clean it up.” He took off his belt. “Get your pants off.”
“No! Please, I?—”
He slapped me across the chest with the belt. “You know you get this on your bare ass. Take your pants off, or I’ll do it for you.”
He didn’t stop until my ass, upper legs, and lower back were on fire. But that wasn’t the worst of it. As bad as the pain was, I had practice the next day. I’d have to change into my gear and take a shower afterward. I wouldn’t be able to hide the cuts and bruises, but the guys would be too nice to say anything. Instead, their pitying looks would slice through me like a knife.
After the beating, while I cried and tried to hide it, he loomed over me.
“Stop it. Men don’t cry. And I’m sick of always seeing you with your teammates. I’m starting to wonder if you’re a man at all. Get off your ass and start dating. Find a girlfriend and act like a normal teenage boy. I promise it’ll feel a lot better than whippings, and if you tried to be a man, maybe I’d respect you more.”
After two more hard slaps with the belt, he left me sobbing into my pillow.
That had happened ten years earlier, but a shudder racked my body so hard the lounger shook. For years, Dad had beaten me like it was a sport. It didn’t matter why; if he was in the mood, he’d find a reason. So I started fucking every girl I could get to, something he apparently knew because he kept me stocked with condoms. Fucking girls didn’t help, though. He still didn’t respect me, and the beatings only got worse.
My hands shook, and since I’d broken into a sweat that had nothing to do with the heat, I went to the kitchen for a beer. Theliving room was cool, so I sat on the couch and tried to figure out what was going on with Logan and me. Who knew why I’d brought my fucking dad into it.
If only Logan weren’t a man, I’d thought. If he weren’t a man, I wouldn’t be so confused. Maybe Dad had been right, and I wasn’t the man I should be. Why else would I be so mixed up, wondering who the fuck I was and what all this meant with Logan?
Then I thought about Holky and Mad Dog. They’d both dated women exclusively before they met each other. Holky later told me he’d always needed an intimacy he’d never found, and that women kept him sexually satisfied but did nothing for what he needed emotionally. Logan and I had talked about that, and he’d even asked if I was the same. Of course, I’d denied it, but…
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
