Page 85 of Kiss Me at Christmas
“To her credit, her mum always made it clear that I had no knowledge of her existence.”
A remembrance of an elegant woman at the gallery last night, linking her arm through Lyra’s, pushed itself to the front of Harriet’s mind, and instinctively she pulled her hand back.
“Are you and Morgan, I mean…”
He read her meaning at once. “A thing? No.”
“If you could go back…”
He shook his head, understanding the things she wanted to know. “The truth is we were never a thing, not really. Not that it’s any excuse. We just weren’t. We met at university and we, well, I guess we used to ‘hook up,’ as the kids say.”
“Friends with benefits,” Harriet added helpfully.
He screwed his face up. “Even that implies it being more than it was.”
“Booty calls?”
He burst out a laugh and it was like the room flooded with light. She warmed herself in it.
“Really?” he asked incredulously.
His smile was an addiction, and she needed another hit.
“Ooh, wait,” she said, “I’ve got it: Netflix and chill.”She’d learned the meaning of that last year when she’d incorrectly used it to describe her weekend plans to her tutor group.
He leaned across the table and hit her with the full force of his grin, and she wanted to smoosh his cheeks into her cleavage.
“Can you stop denigrating my past, please?”
“You started it, I’m simply trying to categorize.”
“The point is, Morgan and I were never a great love story, and even if I’d known about Lyra, it wouldn’t have changed anything. We’re very different people.”
“Is that why she didn’t tell you? Because she didn’t want either of you to feel obliged to try and make a relationship work?”
He drummed the fingers of both hands on the table, his brow ever so slightly creased. This, she knew, was how he weighed his options and measured his words before he spoke. Knowing his tells gave her a warm sensation.
“There were a few factors at play,” he began. “For a start, I was offered the chance to work my pupillage with a big law firm in New York straight after university, and I’m ashamed to say that I left without a backward glance. Or even a goodbye. By the time Morgan found out she was pregnant, I was long gone. Even if she’d wanted to reach out, she wouldn’t have known where to look.”
“Surely she could have asked around, you must have had some friends in common.”
“It wasn’t quite that simple.” He chewed his lip. “I wasn’t exactly the only candidate, so to speak. Over the years they ruled out some of the others with DNA tests, and by a process of elimination, eventually there was only me left.”
“Just likeMamma Mia!” Harriet gushed.
“It isn’t. Absolutely nobody sang.”
Things were slotting into place in her mind. “This is why you want to do better. It’s for Lyra and Morgan. You’re atoning for the women you feel you’ve let down in your past.”
He held her gaze and she could read it all in his eyes. “I don’t know if it’s atonement exactly,” he said. “But I had a realization, and I want to do things differently going forward. There are disruptors and instigators of change, and I’m not one of them; I accept my limitations. You, on the other hand, are someone who leads the charge; you want to save everyone! I can’t change the world, but I can change me and be one better man in it. I can move through life in a more thoughtful and respectful way.”
“Changing the world one kind act at a time.” She smiled at him. “That’s why you suggested to Evaline that it would be a good idea to let me use the theater. It wasn’t only about staging it for sale, was it?”
The left side of his mouth quirked upward. “Like I said, I’m not a disruptor, I’m a realist. I wanted to help you, but I wasn’t about to piss off my firm’s biggest client. I work within my limitations.”
“You started a ripple,” she said, smiling at him.
“Because I knew you could turn it into a wave.”
