Page 92 of After the Siren
Oh, Stavs was not going to like this. ‘Last Tuesday.’
There was a beat of silence.
‘I think we should talk about this with our clothes on.’ Stavs turned away from Jake and swung his legs off the bed.
Neither of them said anything as they found their clothes. Jake wasn’t a stranger to awkward post-coital silence, but this one was particularly bad. He managed to find his shorts and singlet. He had no idea where his underwear was, and he wasn’t going to crawl around bare-assed looking for it.
He got back onto the bed and leaned against the headboard. Stavs joined him. He’d buttoned his shirt wrong and his hair was still messy from Jake’s fingers. Jake had no idea what he was going to do. What he was going to say.
‘What did Kat say?’ Stavs asked.
‘She said ...’ Jake hesitated. He wasn’t sure if there was a tactful way to summarise. ‘She said that if there was something going on between us, we should make sure we were okay with the potential consequences.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Like, if we ...’ He couldn’t saybreak up, because they weren’t together. ‘You know, if it affected our game. If something happened and we couldn’t work together. Or if someone in list management found out and had concerns about it.’
Stavs had been smiling, earlier. Smiling against Jake’s mouth. There was none of that smile left on his face. He looked a bit nauseous. ‘What would happen to me, you mean. You’re not going anywhere.’
What was Jake supposed to say to that? It was true and they both knew it.
‘Kat said she’d have our back. But she’s not in charge.’
Stavs was toying with the hem of his shirt, twisting the fabric between his fingers. ‘You should have told me,’ he said. ‘It’s been aweek,Jake.’
Jake forced himself to look Stavs in the eye. ‘I know, I’m really sorry. I was trying to find the right moment. I just didn’t want ...’
Had he just done to Stavs what Kyle had done to him? Fucked him on false pretences? Hung on to something, knowing it was over?
‘This year is really important for my career,’ Stavs said. Almost like he wanted Jake to disagree. ‘I can’t risk doing anything that might fuck it up.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Jake waited for the blow to land.
‘We need to stop,’ Stavs said.
Jake had known it was coming, so why did it hurt as though it was a surprise? Stavs was doing well. He was having exactly the break-out season he needed to have. Even if Stavs did have feelings – and Jake was pretty sure he did – he had to put footy first.
Jake understood. It was the same decision he had made at the end of last year. Although if this was karma’s way of making him understand how Kyle had felt, it fucking sucked.
Jake wished he could read Stavs more easily. He’d been getting better at it, but now he couldn’t tell what Stavs was thinking.
‘Okay,’ Jake said, swallowing. ‘Yeah.’
He was doing a piss-poor job of sounding okay about ending things.
‘Jake ...’ Stavs reached out and took Jake’s hand. He hesitated, closed his eyes. Opened them again. ‘Would you want this to be more? If we weren’t teammates?’
Jake should probably lie. Wouldn’t it be easier for both of them if he lied? But he didn’twantto lie. Not to Stavs, not now.
‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘But weareteammates. I’m not gonna – there’s no point thinking about it.’
‘Yeah. You’re right.’ Stavs squeezed his hand, then let it go. ‘But we’re still friends, right?’
‘Duh. Just don’t be a fucking weirdo again,’ Jake told him.
Stavs leaned over and kissed him. A gentle brush of his lips. He pressed his forehead against Jake’s, lingering for a second. ‘I promise.’
‘Good.’
