Page 88 of After the Siren
Stavs stayed where he was for a few seconds, panting, then lowered himself down so they were chest to chest. ‘This okay?’ he asked.
‘Yeah,’ Jake said. He liked staying close after sex. Liked feeling Stavs softening inside him. He let himself trace idle shapes on Stavs’ back while their breathing evened out. Stavs pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his head, and Jake sighed happily.
‘We should clean up.’ Stavs exhaled, his breath warm against Jake’s cheek.
Jake was already more than half asleep. He was going to get cold if he didn’t get under the covers, but that seemed like alotof effort.
‘Mmm,’ he agreed.
He winced a little when Stavs pulled out, and yeah, they were probably going to need to ditch the bedspread.
He heard Stavs cross into the bathroom, then the tap running. The bed shifted when he came back.
‘I’m going to clean you up,’ Stavs said softly. Jake murmured agreement, and then there was a warm flannel on his stomach. Stavs cleaned him up, gently, then bullied him under the covers.
‘Sorry,’ Jake managed. ‘Dunno why I’m so wiped out.’
‘I could hazard a guess,’ Stavs said, getting under the covers as well. Jake nestled against him and Stavs wrapped an arm around him.
‘Was that ... It was good?’ Stavs asked in the way he always did after he’d fucked Jake into semi-consciousness.
‘Mm.’
‘I guess it must have been if it’s shut you up.’ Stavs’ fingers were gentle in Jake’s hair.
The last thing Jake felt before he went to sleep were Stavs’ lips brushing the nape of his neck.
Jake wasn’t sure what woke him: maybe the winter sunlight streaming through the blinds he’d forgotten to close, maybe Stavs throwing an arm over Jake’s stomach. He groped for his phone. Six thirty. Rolling over and going back to sleep was very tempting – his legs were tangled up with Stavs’, and it would be easy to tuck his head onto Stavs’ shoulder and go back to sleep.
He got up instead, careful not to wake Stavs. He was a little sore, but in a way that made him want to get back into bed and nuzzle his way down Stavs’ chest. To keep him in bed all morning. To pin him down and ride him because it would hurt a bit and that would make it better.
His mum was sitting in the kitchen, lacing up her sneakers. She was wearing a ratty Tiger Sharks beanie, and the percolator was starting to bubble. Plugger was lying in front of her, his tailthumping on the linoleum. He scrambled up as Jake came in and whuffed quietly. Jake reached down to scratch his ears.
‘You’re up early,’ Debbie said. ‘Thought you boys would sleep in.’
‘I woke up, fancied a walk.’
‘Coffee?’
‘Please.’
Debbie dug out another cup for the thermos while Jake found his sneakers and a puffer. Plugger scrambled down the hallway to sit by the front door.
‘Sorry,’ Jake told him. ‘You’re not allowed in the reserve.’
They managed to get out the door without Plugger, and walked in silence through the dewy grass towards the wildlife reserve. Debbie was walking slower than the last time they’d done this, and Jake tried to match her pace without making it obvious.
Stavs thought Jake should talk about his feelings about the cancer. But Jake didn’t know how to talk about this. The thought of a world without his mum – without morning walks, the way she made coffee, her texts after his games – felt impossible.
Jake wasn’t sure how many times he’d done this walk. Hundreds. Thousands, maybe. There were pictures of him at the entrance of the reserve on Debbie’s back in a carrier, pointing at the wallabies. Then holding Debbie’s hand as a toddler in a series of footy onesies. Riding his bike. Pictures with Keeley, and Olly. He’d walked it, run it, cycled it. Sometimes it felt like he’d made every important decision in his life somewhere along this track, stamping over the rough dirt, looking out for snakes.
They picked their way down to the lookout over the mangroves. The sun was only just up and there was barely any breeze. They could have been looking at a postcard.
Debbie unscrewed the lid of the thermos and poured them both a cup of coffee. Jake blew on his and watched the steam curl and evaporate.
‘I’m thinking about coming out,’ he said.
Debbie nodded slowly, like she wasn’t surprised. ‘Do you mean holding hands with someone while you get a coffee? Or a press release?’
