Page 97 of Follow My Voice
I can’t breathe.
Yes, you can.
Come on, Klara.
“Are you all right?” someone asks, but all I see is a blurry figure. At some point, my eyes have filled with tears. “Klara, can you hear me?”
No.
Hands take my shoulders, but I brusquely push them off. “Leave me alone!” I shout, and my gaze clears to reveal Kang with a hurt expression. I shake my head; I don’t know what to say. “Leave me alone…”
I don’t want him to see me like this; I don’t want anyone to see me like this. My heart is beating out of my chest and I can feel the fear coursing through my veins straight to my mind, convincing me that I’m going to die in the next few minutes. And then comes the numbing sensation, because I’m breathing so fast that my lungs don’t have time to get the oxygen they need… I’m hyperventilating.
As I make my way down the hall, Ms. Romes comes rushing toward me. I guess someone told her what was happening. “Klara!” She puts a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, hey, you’re all right, you’re all right, come on.” She guides me into her office—a corner of calm, as she calls it.
“I need to go to the hospital. I feel… bad…” I say in a hoarsevoice. “I can’t breathe… The…” I look for my phone. “The nearest hospital is ten minutes away. Please, I need a doctor.”
“You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be fine… Let’s breathe together.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, you’ve done it before.”
“No, the hospital…”
“Come on, Klara, we can get through this.” Ms. Romes puts an arm around me. “Come on, you’re safe, let’s breathe together,” she whispers, using her slow breaths as an example. “Come on. One… That’s it, slowly… You’re hyperventilating, that’s why you feel like this. But you’re fine. Remember your mantra, come on.”
“I am calm”—inhale—“I am safe”—exhale—“I am protected.”
“Again.”
“I can’t.”
“You’re doing great, Klara, come on.”
“I am calm. I am safe. I am protected…” I repeat, slowly inhaling and then letting the air out. I take another slow breath, still aware of the tingling in my limbs. I’m trembling, my muscles tense, my heart pounding.
“That’s it, that’s it, Klara, come on, keep breathing just like that,” says Ms. Romes, rubbing my arms gently. “Breathe… One… two… Let it out, come on.”
The tingling sensation stops and, little by little, I am able to calm down while continuing to breathe deeply. And then comes the crying. I begin to sob uncontrollably right there in Ms. Romes’s office.
“That’s it, it’s all over now, Klara. You did so well.”
She pats my head and I cling to her arm, unable to stop crying. “I was so scared.”
“I know, I know, but you handled it well.”
“No, no… I lost control this time… it’s gonna keep happening, I can’t live like this…”
Ms. Romes leans back and places a hand on each of my shoulders, her face level with mine. “Look at me,” she says firmly. “You’re a champ; I’m so proud of you.”
“You’re my champion, baby.”My mother’s voice echoes in my mind.
Ms. Romes silently allows me to sob for a moment and then offers me a box of tissues and some water.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”
“Don’t apologize, Klara. I’m glad I could help you through it. I’ll always be here if you need me.”
