Page 64 of Follow My Voice
“Well, the thing is, by the time we moved here, I was extremelyoverweight and I was terrified because I had to start college. I was afraid people would shun me or even make fun of me. So I completely shut down. Everyone was in their own world, no one spoke to me, no one knew my name. I had no friends, and my lonely lunches by the garbage cans became routine.”
My heart contracts at the thought.
A sad frown forms on Perla’s lips. “Those were hard times; I’m not going to lie. I didn’t feel like I belonged. I felt invisible and so lonely. But then I started listening to Kang’s radio show and I remember thinking he seemed so nice. And he was. I sent messages to the show until one day he wrote back to me through their Instagram account.”
I feel a sharp pain in my chest at this revelation.
Me:Is this something you do with all the fans of your show?
Kang:No, only with you.
Was that a lie?
“Shortly after, we began texting every day, and, when we finally met, I was ecstatic. I don’t have words to explain how much Kang helped me to regain my self-esteem and confidence; he restored me to the outgoing, cheerful girl I had been when I lived in New York. I realized that I didn’t need to be thin to be me, that my appearance has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I did my part, of course, but he gave me the push I needed to find my inner strength. Thanks to him, I started meeting other people and made my first friends.”
I listen politely but, inside, my heart is breaking as I realize I was nothing special, that Kang has done the same thing with other girls.
“Anyway, as you know, Kang is very attractive, and he has a magnetic personality. Like a fool, I fell in love with him. I was crazy about him. Our friendship remained the same for a while, until I decided to confess my feelings.” A wounded expression crosses Perla’s face. “Kang didn’t feel the same way. He was very kind, but his rejectionhurt like you can’t imagine. He told me that he understood the pain of unreciprocated love because he himself was in love with a person he couldn’t be with—that his heart belonged to someone else, and that, although this girl didn’t feel the same way about him, he still loved her and that’s why he wasn’t dating anyone and didn’t plan to.”
I remember Kang’s words on the show a while back:“I have to admit that I haven’t been entirely honest with you, folks. The other day I told you that I’d never been in love, but that’s not true. My first love was an unrequited love.”
“I told him that we couldn’t be friends anymore and asked him not to talk to me because I needed space in order to get over him. He said he understood, and he’s respected my request. I finished out my freshman year of college heartbroken, and it took me the entire summer to get over it, but when I started this semester, I no longer felt anything for Kang. I wouldn’t dare try to strike a friendship back up with him, though. So here we are.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I think I just expected to be treated badly, so when someone was actually nice—when someone showed kindness and understanding—I assumed it was love. As if that’s the only thing that could justify him being nice. It’s sad, I know.”
“You really don’t have feelings for him anymore?”
Perla lets out a slight chuckle and rests her hand on my arm, as if sensing she needs to placate my uncontrollable thoughts. “No, I feel grateful for him. I have nothing against Kang. It wasn’t his fault that I fell in love with him and I have to accept that he couldn’t reciprocate. The only reason I warned you to stay away from him was because you reminded me of myself back then and I worried the same thing might happen to you. I didn’t want you to get hurt, but it was wrong of me; you’re a different person, and I shouldn’t have said anything, since I don’t know the nature of your relationship with him. Besides, that was so long ago—who knows if he still feels the same way about that girl? Anyway, that’s my story.”
“I understand, don’t worry.” I take Perla’s hand and squeeze it gently. “Thank you for telling me; you didn’t have to, but you did anyway, so thank you.”
She squeezes my hand back. “I needed to explain so we could start our journey as friends off on the right foot.”
I smile and stand up. I take a sip of my latte, which gives me a feeling of warmth all over. Perla heads to her next class, and I head to the parking lot to wait for Kamila, unable to stop thinking about what she’s told me. My heart hurts and the cracks in it seem to be getting bigger by the minute.
“I sent messages to the show until one day he wrote back to me.”
“We began texting every day, and, when we finally met, I was ecstatic.”
I don’t want to believe it, because it’s too painful; Perla experienced exactly the same thing with Kang.
I hear someone clear their throat, bringing me back to reality. Out of the corner of my eye I see a figure at the end of the sidewalk. I turn and I find Kang standing there, his backpack slung over one shoulder, his expression neutral.
My heart twists inside my chest. It hurts to see him, now that I’m certain he doesn’t feel the same way I do. It’s a completely different dynamic, like I’m just another follower, nothing special to him. We start walking toward each other, getting closer and closer. I clench my fists at my sides. For a second, I’m afraid he’ll just walk right past me, like he did this morning. But no, he stops in front of me. His black eyes meet mine and a faint smile forms on his lips.
“Hello, Klara with a K.” He sounds so casual, as if it doesn’t bother him that we haven’t spoken for days. I’m such a fool.
“Oh, so, you’re willing to talk to me now that there’s no one around?” I ask. Maybe I’m just another Perla to him, but I have to be honest about my feelings: I was hurt earlier when he was so cold to me.
He scratches the back of his neck. “Sorry, I was having a rough morning. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
“No big deal,” I say as I turn around and start walking away from him. I don’t need to be at campus anymore, nor do I want to be.
Kang walks beside me. “Hey, hey, wait. I’m really sorry, truly. I have something to make it up to you.” He hands me three tickets for tonight’s game. “It’ll do you good to get out and have some fun. You can bring your friends.”
Perla’s words swirl in my mind.“He gave me the push I needed to find my inner strength. Thanks to him, I started meeting other people and made my first friends.”Now I understand: He’s not inviting me to watch him play. He wants me to go with my friends and have fun. My story and Perla’s are becoming more and more alike, and it hurts.
