Page 106 of Dance of the Phoenix
My body felt as though it had been through the wringer.
Everything ached. My muscles were sore beyond belief, my burns were tender and painful, and all I wanted was to keep sleeping.
But according to Isora, who had been sitting by my side in the infirmary back at the Rayne League when I woke up earlier, I’d been sleeping nonstop for days, and enough was enough. I couldn’t agree more.
Now, I watched the bed across from me, where Tansy was sitting up, reading a book. Apparently, in the time I was training, fighting in the Hecatomb, almost dying, turning back time, then almost dying again, Tansy had woken up from her long comatose state.
And acted as if she remembered nothing of the last few months.
It had been an hour since I woke up. While I’d sent Isora to get some sleep, since she looked as if she hadn’t slept for as many days as I’d been sleeping, I tried to talk to Tansy, but the woman didn’t answer me.
So now I was waiting for Ragnor. And to pass the time, I tried to jog Tansy’s memories.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” I asked her.
Tansy shrugged. “Dunno.”
How talkative.
“Don’t bother her anymore, Aileen,” Leah, the nurse in charge, scolded me, pulling the curtains around Tansy’s bed. “She needs rest and a calming environment.”
I had nothing to say to that, so I lay back in bed and stared at the ceiling.
Too much time passed before the infirmary doors opened, revealing Ragnor. He made a beeline to my bed, and before I even sat up, I was in his arms.
“Hey,” he said quietly, embracing me tightly.
“Hey,” I said back, hugging him just as tightly.
We didn’t let go of one another for a while, and neither did we speak. There were so many unspoken questions lingering between us, many things that needed to be said, but it was as if there were so many, neither of us knew how to even start that conversation.
In the end, Ragnor broke the silence first. “Are you well enough to stand?” he asked, leaning back so he could cup my face and scan my eyes.
“I think so,” I said softly, my love for him suddenly overwhelming me, despite everything that we had yet to say.
“Then let’s go,” he murmured, his thumb caressing my cheek. “The funerals are about to start.”
It took me a few moments to understand what he was saying, but when it hit me, it hit me hard.
Logan, Zoey, Cassidy, CJ, Jada.
Their funerals.
Any relief I’d felt when I saw Ragnor disappeared, replaced by sorrow that threatened to suffocate me. “Oh.”
Softly, Ragnor pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You don’t have to come.”
“I want to,” I whispered, feeling tears welling in my eyes. “I have to.”
So, with Ragnor’s help, we made our way to the Rayne League greenhouse, where we left to the field outside, where Tansy had almosttaken her own life. Dozens of League members were already there, surrounding what seemed to be five coffins.
My sorrow transformed into unbearable guilt and shame.Perhaps, if I’d gone back one more day, I could’ve saved them,I thought for the first time since ... everything.Perhaps, if I hadn’t been so narrow minded, so locked on saving Ragnor only ...
But the rational part of my mind knew it to be a futile thought. I might’ve been able to save Logan, but what about the others? I couldn’t have fought Cassidy’s, Zoey’s, and CJ’s battles for them. I couldn’t have prevented Jada’s soul being ripped apart by the death of her Alara Morreh.
And yet, I could’ve saved Logan.
But I didn’t.
