Page 107 of Dance of the Phoenix
And even if I were able to turn back time again, I had a gut feeling I wouldn’t be able to. As if my power knew something that I didn’t.
It didn’t take away from my guilt, or the shame.
Ragnor sat me down on one of the few chairs in the field, drawing my attention to him. “I’m going to give a eulogy,” he told me quietly. “Will you be okay here for a few minutes?”
I could barely nod, buried under the weight of the misery. But Ragnor was still the Lord of this League. He had his duty to uphold. I couldn’t ask him to stay with me.
Theydidn’t deserve it.
Ragnor pressed another kiss to my temple and walked away to the closed coffins colored plain black. And after he raised his arm, drawing everyone’s attention, he spoke.
“Logan Kazar, Zoey Rittman, Cassidy Jones, Chanjomaron, and Jada Moore,” he said in a quiet voice that rang clearly in the silence of the field. “They were our League members. Our brothers and sisters. And they gave their lives so our League would thrive. For that, I will be eternally grateful.”
The tears fled my eyes, trickling down my face.
“For almost four years,” Ragnor said, “Logan was a pillar of support to many of his fellow members. He was loved and respected, a strong Gifted individual the League will miss.
“Zoey and Cassidy were given the Imprint around the same time, seven months ago,” he continued in a softer voice. “They both made their places known in the vampiric society and in the Rayne League, as both Common and Gifted respectively. They fought side by side for this League, and they died side by side, valiantly and bravely.
“Chanjomaron—CJ ...” Ragnor paused, and for a moment I thought I heard his voice shake a little, when he said, “He’s been here for many decades. A good friend, a good worker, a good man.”
Someone sobbed in the crowd, and when I turned to look, I saw Bowen. The last remaining member of the dishwashing team.
My shame tripled. They were his closest friends, and yet ...
“The same goes for Jada,” Ragnor continued, and his voice cleared. “She was a vital piece of the League’s ecosystem. A good friend and a good woman.”
Ragnor took a deep breath and straightened. “I will never forget the sacrifice they made, and I hope you won’t either.”
He walked back toward me and grabbed me in his arms, sitting down with me cradled on his lap. I cried quietly, and I could see tears brimming in his own eyes.
That startled me the most. Because Ragnor never cried.Never.
So when one after another, people who were close to the five took to the front to say their own eulogies, I whispered to Ragnor, “Who?”
“CJ,” Ragnor responded, tightening his hold on me. “Chanjomaron. He’s ... he’s been an old friend. Someone I cared for.”
I never realized, but knowing that CJ used to be a Malachi, and knowing that Ragnor, too ... It all suddenly made sense. “I’m sorry,” I said, voice breaking, “If only ... if only I’d thought clearer ...”
“It’s not your fault, Aileen,” he whispered. “None of it is.”
But it is, Ragnor,I thought, unable to utter words.You don’t know that in a different timeline, you died. That I saved you, when I could’vemaybe saved the others too. You don’t know that I know you were a Malachi. You don’t know that I love you so much, too much, that I can’t tell you any of it.
Ragnor and I sat in silence for the rest of the funeral, grief resting heavily on our shoulders.
“Where is Eliza?” I asked Ragnor when we were back in the underground compound. He was taking me back to the infirmary, or at least planned to, but I wanted to know that first.
“She’s here,” he said, not elaborating, which made me come to a stop, forcing him to stop as well. Seeing my determined look, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his shoulder. “She’s not ... well.”
I frowned. “What do you mean, not well?”
He shook his head. “It means you shouldn’t ... or rather, can’t see her.” He gave me a meaningful look. “Not now that you’ve transformed into ... the Phoenix.”
My heart beat like a drum.Is it time already? Is it time for the big talk?“Ragnor,” I said quietly, “I ... I don’t know where ...”
“I know,” Ragnor said quietly, caressing my cheeks. “We don’t have to talk about it yet. But we will. When we’re both ready.”
Feeling my throat closing up, I nodded and hugged him tight. “Okay.”
