Page 54 of Curtain Call
“…chew and spit is the way I did it.”
Riley walks into the recreation room and the two guys chatting pause their conversation and look at Riley, as if caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Well, maybe that’s a bad metaphor since they both have eating disorders. Riley’s in a strangely good mood today.
“No judgment. That was my strategy too,” Riley throws his hands up in the air and grins since he crashed their conversation. “I’m Riley, sorry for interrupting. I guess I’m a little early for the group session.”
“No worries,” the tall guy with brown hair and glasses gives a reassuring smile. “I’m Juan and this is Michael.”
Michael is short. There are no other words to really describe Michael since he is a man of few words. Riley isn’t sure if he’s going to be a friend or foe. His dark brown cornrows are starting to come undone with little hairs sticking up, tattoos all over his right arm and neck, and his facial expression is neutral. Riley likes Juan better.
The room has already been set up with folding gray metal chairs in a circular formation. Riley excuses himself before walking over and claiming a seat. He’s not sure why it’s called team time and not group, since they are not really in this together. Everyone is kind of on their own journey, but they are here to encourage one another. Also, not everyone shares during these sessions. If they were a true team, they would all have to participate. Team time can run as long as needed since recreation time is right afterward. Just what Riley wants to do is hang out with people who‘chew and spit.’
As people make their way into the room, Riley is again greeted by Juan, who claims the empty seat next to him. Michael sits on the other side of Juan. It’s like Michael is Juan’s personal little sidekick.
Riley crosses his leg and slides the hem of his hoodie between his fingers. He thinks back at the green scarf Jax gave him and how that fabric felt between his same fingers. Seems like a lifetime ago.
Some patients are about to finish their program and have inspired the new guys to look ahead. It’s not a coed facility. It’s nice to have all guys around so there aren’t any comparisons of their bodies to those of females. This also means they can be open without embarrassment about guy problems that some have experienced – like erection issues and fissures. Riley has been fortunate enough not to have suffered from either.
Looking around the circle, Riley recognizes a couple of new faces. The newbies have those same wide eyes, frowned mouths, and floor stares. He feels for them because a few weeks ago, he was the floor gazer and kept to himself. After the first week, Riley made an effort to get to know a few people because he overheard others whispering, loud enough for him to hear, that he is a snob or too good for this place. Riley wasn’t here to make friends; he is here to get through his checklists and go home.
“I’m Riley, and I have an eating disorder,” he tells the group.
He doesn’t have to share, but he does have to greet everyone for it to count toward his point system. Once a patient earns so many points, they move up a level in their program which will award different privileges. He is only a few points away from moving up to the next level where he can start making phone calls daily and go outside to the courtyard unsupervised. Fresh air.
“I’ve been struggling with my weight for at least five years. It has cost me my current role on Broadway and the guy I love.”
Riley didn’t want to air out his dirty laundry, but the only way to make phone calls is if this therapist trusts him enough to give Riley the few points needed to level up. Besides, Riley will never see these people again so what does he really have to lose? Unlike private sessions, the therapist here can’t ask any probing questions. Riley was free to talk as much or as little as he wanted.
“I’ve been here a few weeks now and starting to get into the rhythm. My weight is up, and I no longer try and push food around my plate to make it look like I ate more than I really did. Most days I’m not wanting to eat because the food here really does suck.”
This got a laugh from everyone in the circle, and even the therapist hid his grin behind his hand while fake coughing.
“That’s who I am. And if each day I do better than yesterday, I figure I’m on the right track. Thanks.”
Everyone in the circle clapped for Riley and Juan patted his thigh. Riley tensed at the touch. It’s the most physical he’s been with someone since that night with Colin. It’s also the most he’s shared since checking in. Riley uncrossed his legs and sat a little taller for the rest of the meeting.
Journal Entry
January 16th
Today was the first day I really shared anything in group. It wasn’t much, but at least I made an effort. I have been here almost 3 weeks and I am starting to feel better. I’m not sure if it’s seeing others worse off than me, or if I am really wanting to beat this. Either way, I’m taking it a day at a time and trying not to get ahead of myself.
Scene 4
January 17th
Riley
Riley woke up this morning feeling spunky. He’s starting to feel like his old self, the performer. If Dr. Rick wants to know all about Riley, Riley isn’t going to wait for the same boring questions. He’s going to put on a show.
“Good afternoon, Dr. Rick,” he says with a grin as he walks into the cramped office space. He takes his seat in the plush chair with a few unknown stains. He tries not to think about it.
“Afternoon, Riley,” Dr. Rick’s voice is hesitant.
“How are you today? How’s your weight? Is your wife feeding you well?”
Riley starts hammering away on the questions while Dr. Rick finally sits back, takes his glasses off, and rubs his temples. Riley smirks.
“I see what you’re doing here. Well played.”
