Page 68 of Absolutely Pucked
I was pretty sure it wasn’t option A. Not with the way he kissed. Or the way he held me. Not with the way he’d pin me to the wall sometimes and jerk me off and stare into my eyes. Not with the way he got off on me writhing and moaning in his hands.
He loved giving. It was almost like a fetish for him, but it was more than just sex. He was always up earlier than me. There was always fresh coffee, and my laundry was always mysteriously done, and the cat box never needed to be scooped anymore.
And while it could have been a misguided sensethat he owed me, it didn’t feel like that. He blushed and looked overly pleased with himself when I noticed, and when I thanked him? He’d kiss me within an inch of my life.
He was a good man. And it wasn’t that hard to understand that sometimes good men could do terrible, awful things. They could make big mistakes and learn hard lessons. I’d been that person once. So had Tucker. And Boden was still making amends for turning into a gigantic asshole while he was working through his feelings about Hugo.
I was beginning to wonder if there was any hope of converting Tucker to that line of thinking. I didn’t think Killian would ever ask Tucker to forgive him. Not with any real hope that it would happen. But maybe Tucker could find his way to understanding why I’d fallen for him.
And maybe…just maybe…let me keep him.
I let out a breath and pushed the thought aside, moving to the kitchen entryway. Jonah and Killian were on the couch, each with a cat on their chest. The little black one was sniffing her way toward Nugget, and for all that I thought my precious, fussy little princess would claw the face off any furry being I brought through the door, she was calm.
Killian had a reassuring hand on her back, and while she growled a couple of times when the tiny one nudged her with her little nose, Nugget remained still.
“They’re being so cute,” Killian narrated. “Little one just licked Nugget’s eyeball.”
Jonah snorted and scratched the top of his newbaby’s head. “She’s so brave. Aren’t you so brave? What’s a name that means brave?”
“Athena’s the goddess of bravery,” Killian said softly, scratching Nugget behind the ears.
“Oh fuck yes. Athena is my girl,” Jonah said. “I was high-key obsessed with her in school. I got in trouble for feeling up her tits on a statue this one year when we took a trip where all us blind kids got to get handsy with the sculptures.”
“Jesus Christ,” I said, walking into the room. “Why am I not surprised?”
“You have no idea how much play I got by using the ‘can I feel what you look like’ trick,” Jonah said with a grin. “Anytime I go out on a date, the moment they ask if I want to feel their face, I know I’ve got an in.”
“You’re such a fucking perv.” I walked over and flopped down next to Killian, leaning in to give Nugget a kiss.
“Where’s mine?” Jonah demanded.
I kissed his cheek.
“Is Killian getting one?” Jonah asked with a tiny smirk.
“I’m not going to make out with my boyf—uh.” I froze, my whole face going hot. I shot Killian a panicked look. “Friend. Sex friend? Naked, hot, juicy?—”
“Stop,” Killian and Jonah said at the same time.
Killian was as red as a tomato. “Is it time to eat yet?”
“Yep. Jonah, you can set up…is it Athena?”
Jonah held the kitten up to his face and rubbed his nose over the top of her head. “Yeah. I think she’s an Athena.”
“You can set her up in the corner of the room. Nugget might be chill with you two holding her, but she’s not going to be cool if the baby tries to eat her food.”
Jonah didn’t seem to mind. We had Athena’s stuff on the floor beside the couch so it would be easy for him to find when he came over and easy for Athena to navigate while she learned the inside of the apartment by smell.
Leaving him to set up her dinner, I headed to the kitchen, and Killian followed close behind. There was a huge line of tension between us, and I knew it was bothering him as much as it was bothering me.
“Sorry,” I said once Jonah was out of earshot. “I didn’t mean to imply you were?—”
“Don’t.” His voice was a low rumble as he cut me off. His hands touched my waist, gently spinning me without sending me off-balance, and he pushed me against the counter and dipped his head low. “If I could be yours, I would be. But I can’t ruin your life.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I allowed myself to feel the pain of what might have been. Of what could be. Of all the hope I was afraid to have because one word from Tucker, and I would let this all go.
“Can I have a kiss?”
