Page 71 of Dear Roomie
No.
I think about Morgan and the promises I made to him before I left. A tear runs down my cheek, followed by another as I mourn the love that never got achance to be. I don’t even bother to hide them; everyone else will attribute the tears to joy.
“Yes.”
Chapter 27
Morgan
The wheel of the cheap plastic lighter spins, but my shaking fingers kill the spark before it can grow into a flame.
“Come on,” I mumble under my breath, struggling as I try once again to light the wick of James’s favorite candle.
The flamefinallycomes to life in my hand, filling the air with the smell of sweet caramel and fall spices as the wax starts to melt, adding the final touch to the atmosphere I’ve spent all day trying to create. A vase of roses and a small wrapped box sit on the coffee table, sticking out against the backdrop of the otherwise immaculate apartment. I spent the morning cleaning it from top to bottom, only to do it again as soon as I was done. The repetitive task occupied my hands and kept my mind from fixating on her and what the future might hold for us.
James should be home by now. The sun set hours ago, draping a blanket of cold winter darkness over the city. It’s late enough that even the streets have grown quiet, but there hasn’t been any sign of her.
I fluff the pillows on the couch, adjusting their position for the twelfth time, trying to get them perfectly straight. My fingers itch with the need to call her, to make sure she is okay, but I fight it. The last thing she needs after Tanner is to have me breathing down her neck.
The sound of a key scraping against the pins of the lock paralyzes me where I stand.
She’s home.
My heart skips a beat and takes off in my chest, urging me back into action, and I run my fingers through my hair in a desperate attempt to fix the unruly mop of curls. Time slows as the door swings open, and my breath catches in my throat when I see her. It’s like the piece I’ve been missing these past few weeks slots back into place, restoring the world to full color when I had been living in shades of gray.
The blissful feeling of relief only lasts a moment as I take all of her in before it crashes down around me. James looks like a ghost of herself standing frozen in the doorway. She looks through me with swollen red eyes, but there’s no spark of life in them. Her hair is just as lifeless as it hangs in dull clumps around hunched shoulders. It’s like the woman I love has been completely eclipsed by despair. Each piece would be worrying on its own, but all together, it’s a flashing red warning that something is really, really wrong.
She trembles in the doorway, not moving and not saying anything. I take a step toward her, and she recoils, the small motion piercing my heart.
“Hi.” The whispered word is all I can manage.
That breaks her out of her trance. She stumbles forward, dropping her bags and Grover’s leash as she closes the front door and hurls herself at me. I’m able to get my arms around her just as she collapses against me with a heaving sob.
“Morgan,” she chokes out through gasping breaths.
“Shh, I’ve got you, pretty girl,” I tell her, pulling her in close.
She only cries harder, fully falling into me as her legs give out beneath her. My heart aches to see her like this and not be able to do anything but hold her while she shatters. I murmur soothing words into her hair between barely there kisses until her sobbing slows and her breathing evens out.
“I-I need to tell you something,” she says. Her tone holds the same solemn severity of a death sentence. Like a doctor telling you there’s nothing else they can do. My stomach rolls as I brace myself for the impact of whatever it is she says next. I don’t know what those words might be, but I’m certain they’re going to destroy me.
“Tanner proposed,” she whispers against my chest. “I’m engaged.”
Her words strike true, piercing into my heart, creating fractures that splinter into tiny pieces until there’s nothing left but shattered fragments. I pull my arms off her, recoiling from the burn of her toxic touch, and take a step away. She doesn’t even try to hold herself up as she resumes sobbing in earnest, sinking to her knees in front of me.
I don’t watch her fall; I can’t. I’m too numb, and I don’t look at her as I step around her toward the front door, slipping on a pair of shoes and collecting my wallet and keys along the way.
“Wait, please stay,” she begs as my hand starts to turn the knob, and as much as I hate myself for it, the sound of her pleading stops me in my tracks.
“For what?” I snap through clenched teeth.
A chaotic tangle of rage, confusion, and pain breaks past the initial emptiness of shock, and the emotions catch me off guard with their intensity. I need to get out of here, or I am going to say things or do something I might regret.
“Please just talk to me.” She scrambles to her feet, wiping away the still-falling tears as she takes a step toward me. The light catches on the sparkling stone that now adorns her finger, and my nonexistent heart manages to break apart even further as my chest caves in. My back hits the door as I flee from her approach, and she freezes.
“What is there to talk about?” A bitter laugh falls from my lips; it’s a sound that I don’t recognize coming from my lips. “You went home, Tanner proposed, you said yes, and now you are engaged. All the talks of leaving him and plans for our future were just empty promises that got thrown to the curb when something bigger, better, and shinier came along.”
“It isn’t like that…”
