Page 72 of Dear Roomie
“Then what’s it like, James?” My voice comes out louder and angrier than I intend, not quite a shout, but it causes her to flinch all the same. I take a deep breath to rein in the raging storm of emotion before continuing in a more even tone. “Please, enlighten me on how you went from ‘I’m breaking up with him’to ‘I’m marrying him’ over the course of a few weeks. That isn’t something you decide on a whim.”
“I don’t know,” she sobs.
“You don’t know?” Another incredulous laugh escapes my lips. “You agreed to spend the rest of your life with someone and you don’t know how or why you decided to do it? I don’t even know what to say to that. Just answer me this, are you happy? Is this what you want?”
“I don’t know,” she wails, falling back into a fit of sobs.
“Okay.” All the fight drains from my body. “Good luck figuring it out, but I can’t be here while you do. For what it’s worth, all I want is for you to be happy. So congratulations. Tanner is a lucky man.”
I turn and walk out the door, no longer listening as she pleads for me to stay, then pull the door shut with an almost silentclick. That action brings the reality of the situation home. The door to any possible relationship with James is now firmly closed and locked behind me. I’ve been such an idiot to think this was all going to work out and that she was going to choose me. Nathan was right from the beginning—she was never going to be mine. He is never going to let me hear the end of this.
I don’t have a destination in mind as I take to the streets, letting my feet guide me in their aimless wandering. The cold bite of January air pierces through the thin layers of my clothes, growing more unbearable with every minute that drags by. Its sting is the only thing that keeps me from sinking completely into the hollow, empty feeling growing in my chest. Returning to that apartment tonight isn’t an option—I would rather sleep on the street than face her again—but I need to find somewhere to go.
Despite the noticeable lack of students, the glowing neon signs that litter the window fronts declare the bars are open, marking Cutter’s as the clear choice for where I might find refuge, or at least something to help me forget this waking nightmare. The familiar sight of Gage behind the bar should be a relief, but Idon’t feel anything, not even a pulse of gratitude as he hands me my favorite beer as I sit down at the counter.
“You look like shit.” He crosses his arms and gives me another, more thorough look over.
I don’t bother responding to that as I drink down the bitter liquid like it’s water and drop the empty glass back to the counter. He puts another in front of me before I even have time to ask for it, but he doesn’t lose the appraising look in his eyes. This one I sip slower, and he relaxes out of his tense stance.
“Seriously, Morgan, are you okay?” He doesn’t bother trying to hide the sound of his concern.
“No,” I tell him honestly, my voice void of any inflection.
He doesn’t push me to elaborate, but he doesn’t need to. The scrutiny of his gaze does all the work for him.
“James is getting married.” My heart shatters all over again as I say the words out loud, as if verbalizing it somehow makes it more real.
“Fuck.” He grabs a bottle of vodka and pours me an overfilled glass.
“Yeah. Fuck.”
The clear liquid burns my throat, but that doesn’t stop me from draining the glass. The pain is a welcome distraction from the gaping hole in my chest.
“Look, I’m not great at this shit, but I know you have feelings for her. I was rooting for you two. I’m no Nathan, but if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”
“She kissed me before she left for break.” The words spill past my alcohol-loosened lips. His eyes widen a fraction, but his face doesn’t betray his response any more than that. I hadn’t told anyone about what happened between us after they all left the party. For as right as that kiss felt, it came with a layer of guilt that I couldn’t shake, so I kept it as my own sordid secret.
“She kissed me, and she told me she was leaving him. She told me that when she got back, we could finally explore what anusmight look like. I’m anidiot because I believed her. I really, truly believed her.” My voice cracks as the emotions start to overwhelm me again.
“When she got ho—” I choke on that cursed word. I was wrong before. That apartment sure as hell isn’t my home. “When she got back to the apartment, I was expecting her to be mine, but I knew right away that something was wrong. The worst part, though, is that even while she was actively destroying my heart, she had the audacity to lean on me for her support and beg me to stay.”
“Fuck, I knew she was a bitch, but I didn’t think she was that heartless.”
“She’s not a bitch.” I jump to her defense on instinct. He gives me an incredulous look, and I drop my head to the sticky bar top with a deep sigh. “I can’t go back there tonight.”
“You can stay with me for as long as you need.” He claps a hand on my shoulder and fills my glass, leaving the half-full bottle with it.
It’s empty by the time we leave.
Chapter 28
James
Morgan never came home last night.
I waited for him in the living room, not willing to risk missing his return, but it never came. My swollen eyes fought to stay open until they grew too heavy and sleep dragged me under. When I woke up and there was no sign of him, a pit of dread formed in my stomach. That pit has only grown deeper as the morning dragged on.
Where is he?
