Page 105 of Sunflower Persona
His eyes fall shut as his face contorts. Bits of yellow float to the ground at his feet as he rips and tears at the delicate blooms.
He can’t help but destroy beautiful things.
“You remember how I told you I wasn’t in a good place after my injury, right?” he asks after several long seconds of silence.
“Yes.”
“The thing is, I haven’t ever gotten back to a good place. There is this…gloom…that’s always lurking in the shadows. Sometimes I barely notice it, but other times its presence is all-consuming, and yesterday was one of those moments. The car broke down, and the gloom descended, reminding me that I’m nothing—that I’ll never be worthy of a woman like you.”
“And this ‘gloom’ made you break up with me?” I can’t keep the incredulous tone from the question.
“You deserve a better man than me—I don’t need any gloom to tell me that.”
My face pinches as I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I take a calming breath, and then another, before I ask, “Why are you here?”
“Because I’m selfish enough to want to keep you, even if I know I’ll never be good enough. I’m here because I made the biggest fucking mistake of my life yesterday, and I’m hoping it’s not too late to fix it.”
The raw pain in his voice is a dagger to my already aching heart, but the frantic desperation does nothing but lend credence to my doubts.
“Gage—”
“Hear me out, Low. Please.” He reaches over and squeezes my thigh as he fully faces me. “I love you, and I’m a selfish bastard who never wants to let you go.”
He loves me? Like hell he does. If he loves me, he wouldn’t have pushed me away. If he loves me like I love him, he wouldn’t be wielding it like some sort of weapon to cut through my walls and win me back. Hearing it now feels wrong and stirs the pot of heartbreak, bringing it all to the surface. I can’t look at him. If I do, the semblance of control I have will snap.
“What happens when the gloom comes again?” The words come out steadier than I feel.
“What do you mean?”
“What happens the next time your insecurities get in the way and you decide you know what’s best for me?”
“That won’t happen—”
“Bullshit. It happened before we got together, and it will keep happening if I take you back.”
He recoils as if I slapped him, pulling his hand away, and utters a defeated “If?”
“Yes, Gage, if. I don’t want to do this again—I won’t. I’m not a yo-yo. You can’t just throw me away and drag me back with the flick of your wrist. My heart isn’t a toy to be played with.”
“You know that isn’t what this is,” he growls, anger growing from the seeds of despair.
“Really? Because that’s what it feels like.”
“Goddamnit, I love you, Kori. Why the fuck would you even think I would do something like that,” he snaps.
Good. His anguish is my kryptonite, but his anger reminds me exactly where we stand. It stokes the flames of my own frustrations.
I meet his stormy gaze for the first time since this conversation began. “Look me in the eye and tell me if this gloom comes back and makes you feel unworthy, you will be able to block it out. Tell me with one hundred percent certainty that you will never spiral and break my heart again.”
He holds my eyes for a second before they drop back to the shredded petals. His shoulders slump with a deep sigh, and his head hangs as the fight abandons him.
“That’s what I thought. I love you, Gage, but I can’t love you enough for the both of us.”
“Kor—”
“I’m sorry. I really am. But I won’t do this. I really hope you make peace with yourself.”
“So that’s it?” he asks.
