Page 106 of Sunflower Persona
“That’s it.”
Devastation flashes in his eyes before he slams them closed. His jaw ticks and his throat bobs as he fights to regain control over his emotions. After several agonizing seconds, he takes a breath and slips on his stoic mask.
“All right.” He stands, brushing away the yellow shreds, and I mirror the motion.
For a heartbeat, we stand there on the edge of the darkened field, our eyes locked together while the air buzzes with electricity between us, and I wish with every fiber of my being that things could be different. He breaks the moment first, taking a deep breath, then turning to walk away. I stop him before he can go too far.
“Wait, your jacket,” I call out as I pull off the heavy layer.
His knuckles blanch as they grip the dark canvas.
“Take care of yourself,” he commands.
Without thinking, I spring to the tips of my toes and press my lips against his in one last kiss. It’s meant to be a quick goodbye, but his free hand cups the side of my face, and he pours every last bit of love into the way his lips dance with mine. That kiss captures all the air from my lungs—no, it pulls my very soul from me—leaving me empty and hollow. This time, he doesn’t linger. With a final breath and nod, he turns and walks out of my life for good.
Chapter 34
Gage
Ilove you, Gage, but I can’t love you enough for the both of us.
Those words hurt more than any hate-filled rejection could. They prove what I already knew—I’ll never be able to give her what she needs.
The day is well and truly gone now, and with it, all my hopes of fixing what I broke. The window is closed, if it was ever truly open to begin with. For a moment, I held love in my hand, only to let it slip through my fingers like sand. Shrouded in the shadows of dusk, I roam through campus without a destination in mind. It’s not like I have anywhere else to be. I told Nathan to leave after he dropped me off because if things went well, I wouldn’t need a ride, and I didn’t want him around if they didn’t.
Sometimes a man needs a moment alone to work through his emotions.
Students avoid me as I sulk along the streets. On a good day, they would likely do the same, but my sullen demeanor isn’t doing anything to make me more approachable. Despite the chill, I can’t bring myself to put my jacket back on. It’s stupid,but if I do, I might erase Kori’s presence from it completely, and I’m not ready to let her go.
I don’t stop moving until I reach the border between campus and downtown, the busy main street acting as the harsh divide. It’s there, where the sidewalk splits, that I have to think for the first time since I walked away from her. Goddamn, I don’t want to think. I still don’t have a way home, and while that is easily fixed, I’m too much of a coward to face those lonely walls—especially when her presence has permeated every fucking inch of the space that used to be mine. The obvious path forward is to head to one of the dozens of bars and drink away these feelings, but the thought of alcohol after last night is sickening.
Morgan’s place isn’t too far, and if anyone understands what I’m going through, it’s him. It helps that out of all my friends, he’s the least invested. Nathan is protective of Kori, and Karis would tear her to shreds if she thought it would make me feel better. Morgan is less biased.
Plus, he owes me.
It doesn’t take me long to walk the few blocks over to his building and knock on the door. The confusion on James’s face as she opens it would be comical if the situation wasn’t what it is.
“Gage?” she asks, as if she can’t believe she’s asking at all.
“Hey, James. Is Morgan home?”
“Yeah, fuck, where are my manners. Come in.” She steps out of the doorway and ushers me inside.
Every time I’m here, I’m struck by how different it feels from my place. The age is the same, and behind the decor, it has the same “landlord special” base. But together, they have made it into a place that feels like a home. A pang of jealousy ripples through me at the happy pictures lining the walls. I should have taken more pictures with Low when I had the chance.
“Can I get you something? You look like you could use a beer.”
“No beer.” My stomach churns at the thought of consuming more poison so soon.
Part of me craves the blissful indifference a few drinks would bring, but I’m not doing that again. I’m not about to disrespect everything I had with my woman by numbing myself to the memories of it. I want to feel it all, good and bad.
“Water would be great, though,” I tack on.
Morgan appears in the hallway as his girlfriend slips into the kitchen, and his face morphs into the same look of confusion, but he schools it much quicker.
“Hey, how are you?” he asks.
“I talked to Kori today,” I deadpan. There’s no point in dancing around the issue with pleasantries.
