Page 44 of Coming Home
Rosina reached over and took Carmen’s hand. ‘You have to do what’s right for you, Mum. We all toed the line for Gran and as much as she was set in her ways I truly believe she will understand that you need to do this. I once tried to talk to her about Granddad and she point-blank refused to discuss it so no wonder you’re a bit limited in the information department. At least you know where he was living in London. So with a bit of luck there will be a paper trail, merchant navy employment records for a start. I think you’ve got a really good chance of finding him, you know.’
‘Do you? I hope so. I have to prepare myself for the fact he might have passed away but even then, I’d like to know what happened to him after we left. It’s tormented me for years.’
When Violetta leant over and placed her hand on top of Rosina’s, Leonora quickly followed suit. ‘And we will be there every step of the way. I’d love to meet my granddad, you know. I bet he’s just like you. I wonder what he’ll look like now.’
Leonora piped up. ‘I reckon he’ll have changed loads from the photos upstairs and because they are a bit grainy and black and white, it’s hard to imagine how he’d have changed. All you know is he had dark hair… What colour were his eyes?’
‘They were very dark brown, and his hair was curly, blacky-brown like yours and Rosina’s. I always remember it slicked back though, with Brylcreem and a quiff. Violetta has my grandma’s hair apparently, so Mum said. I wish I had more photos but your gran left all the ones of her and my dad behind and the few I have of her family are faded so like Leonora said, it’s hard to imagine my grandma’s red hair, or my dad’s navy uniform. I suppose that’s what it is. I want to see him in colour, in real life, like the dad in my dreams with red-and-blue tattoos on his arm.’
‘I bet that’s where I get my love of ink from – Granddad. Ooh, if we find him we can compare tattoos and I could get one like his.’ Violetta was animated, pouring herself another glass of wine as she spoke.
‘Well that’s fine, as long as it’s not an anchor on your chest, or a swallow on your neck, okay!’ Carmen loved that the girls were on board and was touched by their support. Her heart also went out to Violetta who, she suspected, would welcome her granddad with open arms: her need for a male role model had never waned. Which reminded Carmen about her suspicions regarding Leonora so she took the opportunity to mention the wedding, hoping it might drop a hint or reveal a clue.
‘And, if all goes well and we find your granddad, we could invite him to your wedding, Leonora, which we need to start planning in the New Year. At last, I can get my notebook out again.’
All eyes were now focused on Leonora who it had to be said looked like a rabbit in the headlights as they all waited for her response which, when it came, wasn’t quite what any of them expected.
‘Sorry, Mum, that’s not going to happen.’
It was as though the room and everyone in it held their breath, over on the sofa even Mitzi’s ears pricked up and Arthur stopped mid-snore. Petra kept her eyes on the sandwich.
Once Carmen gathered her wits, she asked the obvious question. ‘What do you mean? Why wouldn’t it happen?’She’s pregnant, I knew it.
Leonora looked calmly at each of them one by one, and then replied, ‘Because I’m not getting married to Caspar. I broke up with him on Friday so while it’s confession time, I might as well tell you that me and Joel are back together and in love. So, I’m sorry, Mum, no big white wedding. It’s off, for good.’
Everyone around the table was stunned and simply stared at Leonora. Knowing at times like this there was only one thing to do and hearing Granny Sylvia’s voice loud and clear, Carmen placed Petra on the floor, gave her the sandwich she’d been mesmerised by then went over to the Aga. It was time to put the kettle on. They all needed a cup of hot, sweet tea.
22
Leonora
It was becoming a habit, blurting things out, and she hadn’t meant to rain on her mum’s parade about finding their granddad. However, all said and done, at least she’d got it over with. And so far nobody seemed very upset that Caspar was history. Or, that ‘the one who’d broken her heart’ was back on the scene.
When her mum returned from putting the kettle on, her default trauma setting, she had very flushed cheeks that could have been due to the wine or the non-wedding news. ‘So when were you actually going to tell us about Caspar and how long has it been going on with Joel? I didn’t even know he was back.’
‘I was going to tell Vi and Rosie when we were out earlier, then Rosie got upset so I changed my mind and I didn’t want to spend all of our nice lunch talking about knobhead so I was saving it till tonight. You know, after we’ve put our Vi to bed.’ Leonora winked and expected her sister to find her jibe funny but was met with a blank expression. Vi was clearly unamused.
Soldiering on, Leonora decided to get it all off her chest. ‘Okay, so Joel came back a month ago and we met up more or less straight away. Without going into the gory details, we basically knew it had been a mistake to split up. We starting seeing each other in secret whenever I could escape from Caspar. And yes, I know it’s cheating and that’s wrong but we couldn’t help it. It’s as simple as that and I certainly don’t regret it.’
Her mum still looked confused. ‘But you and Caspar seemed happy together. You never fall out or anything like that so I don’t understand why all of a sudden you don’t love him anymore. Or am I being naïve?’
‘Nail on head, Mother. You’re the only one who thinks he’s okay when we all know he’s a total pillock. Sorry Leo, but he is.’ Violetta grabbed her glass and took a gulp of her wine.
Leonora laughed. ‘No need to apologise, Vi. I agree. The thing is, Mum, we’ve been coasting along for ages. Lockdown, despite its horrors, actually gave me breathing space because I was already having second thoughts. I’ve been stupid I know and I should have called it a day after Gran died but it was a case of finding the right moment and not causing a drama. Then Joel came back and I just knew it really was over.’
‘Oh, I see. I wish you’d told me how you felt though. That you were unhappy with him and actually, Violetta, I’ve had my reservations for a while but I kept them to myself because I didn’t want to be the parent who interfered. I wish I’d said something now.’
Leonora could see her mum felt guilty. ‘Mum, it’s fine. I suppose at first I mixed up his concern with control. I was flattered and liked the attention he gave me. His proposal took me completely by surprise but it wasn’t the worst offer I’ve ever had and at the time I was quite into him. I think over lockdown he started to bug me, calling here all the time, never giving me any space. It was like he was checking up on me which got on my nerves, especially when he knew where I was every day. Here, with you or down at the garden centre helping out.
‘Then, when I went back to work, I realised how liberated I felt and literally couldn’t wait to get there. It was a way of avoiding him and deep down I knew that was wrong. Joel coming home was the catalyst, the kick up the arse that I needed. My master plan was to get Christmas over with, endure being around him for a bit longer so it didn’t ruin the Big Weekend, then I was going to tell him.’
‘So why did you change your mind all of a sudden, if you were so worried about Mum’s feelings?’ Violetta sounded pissed off which took Leonora by surprise.
‘He got on my nerves and I just blurted it out, in Selfridges to be precise. And for your information, miss narky-knickers-who’s-had-too-much-to-drink, I’m still thinking about Mum because he’s been texting me non-stop and I’m worried he’s going to be a pain in the arse where the business is concerned. He’s our accountant remember, and it might be awkward for Rosie too. So don’t try and make out I’ve not thought all this through because I have. I’ve blocked him everywhere so he can’t contact me and fingers crossed he’s got the message. Anyway, it’s done now so whatever he does, we’ll just have to deal with it.’
When Violetta slammed her hands down on the tabletop then threw her head back, a loud ‘HA’ echoing around the kitchen caused all three dogs to bark. Everyone had her attention, stunned looks focusing directly on her angry face.
‘Yes, Leo, we will all have to deal with it now, won’t we! Seriously, sometimes you aresofucking selfish.’
