Page 99 of A Reluctant Boy Toy
“What if they don't care?” she asked. “The boys barely remember you. They're more excited to see the dog than you. Sadie's going to be a hard sell, because she was always Daddy's little girl, but you destroyed that when you walked away. What are you going to do if they no longer give a damn?”
“I'll tell them I do give a damn. That I will always love them, but I can't tell them how to feel.”
“So you're not looking to have them over on weekends, or—”
“Not unless that's what they want.”
“What if I don't want them here?” She gripped the strap of her handbag like a lifeline. “What if I think they're better off without you?”
Hadn't I thought that for four years? “You’re their mom. I trust you to know what's best for them. I'm only asking for an open line of communication. We can negotiate anything else between us.”
“They're not game pieces,” she muttered.
“I'm not playing a game. I only want them to know that in the whole wide anonymous world, there is another adult who loves them unconditionally and wants what's best for them.”
She nodded slowly. “I'll…think about it.”
“Have you eaten?” I asked. “Do you want coffee? I can make a fresh pot. We really weren't expecting you until later.”
“Soccer was canceled this morning, so I thought I’d come down a little early. Is that a crime?”
“Of course not,” I said, “but a little notice wouldn’t have been a bad thing.”'
“Why do you need notice that your family is dropping by unless you have a half-naked, very young TV star lying on your lap.”
“He wasn’tlying on myanything.” It was clear that choosing that particular fact to argue was a mistake. She reddened.
“No, his head was in your lap,” she clapped back. “Is this why you abandoned your children? Because you couldn’t bring yourself to tell us you’re gay? You sure as hell never gave me even a hint that was the case. Jesus, Stone. Did you think I wouldn’t want to know?”
“I’m not gay,” I said quietly.
She made a sound of disgust. “At least be honest. You never even looked at another girl.”
“I never looked at another guy.”
She shrugged.
“If you think you’re confused, imagine finding out at nearly forty that you’re demisexual and bi.”
“You’re bisexual?” She followed me into the kitchen.
“Of course, Serena. Do you think I faked the things I did with you?”
“We were pretty young.” She dropped her purse on the counter.
“I know how I felt. I loved you. I was in love with you. Everything we had together was real, even when it didn’t work anymore.”
She swallowed. “Now what? You’re in love with that—that boy?”
“I have a strong emotional connection with Sebastian, who is twenty-five. I don’t know if I’m in love yet. I don’t know if our feelings will grow into anything like what you and I had.”
She nodded slowly. “What did you think that was, at the time?”
“My one true love,” I admitted. “I’m as shocked as anyone to find out I can feel something for somebody new. I didn’t think it could happen.”
She lowered her head. “I didn’t know that.”
“I truly believed I was broken beyond…I don’t know, beyond repair. Past my warranty or something.”
