Page 100 of A Reluctant Boy Toy
“If you’re happy, it’s a good thing,” she said. “I never wanted you to be alone.”
“I know.”
Brusquely, she wiped her eyes. “So, what now?”
“Come sit.” I pulled a chair our and she sat. “I owe you an apology. Lots of them.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Go on.”
“Things got strained between us because I refused to listen to you.” I poured water and into the coffee maker. Added a filter and coffee. “I refused to get help for my problems and locked myself away in my head. I left long before I walked out. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You were grieving.”
“And I took my pain out on you and the kids.”
“No. You took your pain out on yourself, and forced us to watch as you disintegrated, which I think was probably harder.”
“I’m sorry.” I sat across from her. “I wish I could go back and fix that, but to my mind what’s worse was letting it go this long without making things right. I should have kept in touch. I should have been there for our kids. They meant the world to me, and it’s as if we’re strangers now. I will regret that forever. I want to be the kind of dad I should have been all along.”
She shook her head. “You think it’s that easy?”
“No. I think it’s that necessary. I want them to learn to trust me again. I don’t expect it to happen overnight, but I need to try, for all our sakes.”
“I can’t say I’m happy about it.” Her lips twisted.
“You don’t have to be happy.” I waited, barely breathing, for her answer. “You just have to be willing to let me try.”
She shook her head and looked away. “It feels like you’re barging back into my life because you’ve got a thing going with someone new. I'll say it again: The kids aren’t props for you to playact happy family.”
“I hear you.” I thought about what she said. “I think it’s more that I can’t start anything new without trying to fix the things I broke in the past. I can't be happy with anyone else until I do right by our children and you.”
“What do you mean, do right by me? I’ve remarried.” She lifted a stubborn chin. “We don’t have a time machine. How do you do right by me?”
“By being honest about what happened. I support the kids financially, but I want to support all of you emotionally as well. I want to be your friend again. I want to be a better person. I don’t know if I can, but I won’t stop trying if you’ll let me.”
“That…” A wry smile quirked on her lips. “Is a tall damn order.”
“You deserve the best, Serena. I brought my best for a long time, but I failed you for a long time too.”
“So, you want to apologize to the kids?”
I nodded. “And be your friend if you’ll have me.”
She sat back. “Wow.”
“I know, right? If you want revenge, you’ll never get a better shot at it than now.”
She gave a little laugh. “You still get on my last nerve.”
“That’s the worse part offor better or worse.”
“All right. We can try it.” She narrowed her eyes. “But if you do anything to hurt my kids after regaining their trust, Iwillkill you.”
She wasn’t just talking about the kids. I’d hurt her badly too. If I won her trust, or the children’s, I wouldn’t dare take it for granted.
“I hope you actually mean that.” If I betrayed their trust again, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself anyway.
Chapter Twenty-Two
