Page 74 of Hupotasso
“No,” I shake my head. “I was so angry, Mother. You know how I lose my temper…” I bow my head to avoid her gaze as I add in a whisper. “I bit her.”
“Bit her?” She murmurs, her eyes widening as the import of my meaning dawns on her. “Not…? You didn’t…?”
“Yes, I did. But it didn’t work,” I look up, my eyes dark, “she didn’t obey my command. She was obviously Spider’s all along. You and I, we were both played. What other explanation could there be?”
“Oh, my foolish boy,” she whispers. “Hupotasso wouldn’t work if she was pregnant.”
As she utters the words I drop the glass I’d been holding. The sound of it shattering pierces the silence of the room as effectively as the truth of what she’s said shatters my misconception. It had been at least three months since we’d had sex, the night I’d told her I loathed her. Could she have conceived that night?
My thoughts race as I stare at Mother’s sorrowful expression before dropping my head to her bedcovers, too ashamed to meet her gaze, too disgusted with myself to even keep up the façade of strength. At this late hour, on her deathbed no less, I’ve disappointed her and proven myself no better than my father after all.
‘Pregnant. Oh fuck. Why? Why didn’t I think of this?
Mother places her hand upon my hair as the image of Angie cowering bleeding and sobbing on the floor, me poised to kill her, floats before my eyes, and I groan aloud.
‘What have I done? How can I EVER make this right?’
“Mother,” I moan.
She makes no reply and I keep my head down, her hand still upon my hair, because I don’t want to look up and confirm what I know — I can no longer hear her heart.
55
By the time we reach the safe house high in the San Gabriel Mountains I’ve calmed a little, but every muscle in my body still feels strung tight, and I can’t stop tapping my foot, although I’ve tried.
Yin’s planned my rescue down to the tiniest detail and I know I’m in good hands, but it seems too good to be true. Too easy. Something has to fuck up. My luck surely can’t hold.
“Come on,” she smiles as she turns the car off, “the sun’s still up for a few more hours. We’re safe from vampires now even if they could find us, which they won’t. Even if they send humans after us I’ve laid quite a few false tracks. By the time they find this place, if they do, we’ll be long gone.”
I look into her determined eyes and, swallowing hard, nod.
Getting out of the car I allow her to take my hand as we walk towards the front doors of a small chalet.
“It’s the perfect place in ski season to enjoy the powder in this neck of the woods,” she says as she opens the door, “but this time of year not many people bother coming up here. We’ll get our disguises on here and then move to the next safe house.”
‘Disguises?’
She keeps hold of my hand as she turns on the light, before turning to me, taking my other hand in hers and looking into my eyes.
“What the fuck happened to you?” She whispers, her eyes searching mine. “Where’s the Angie I know?”
I shake my head. I don’t even know where to start.
“I think somewhere along the way, she got lost,” I whisper, “or buried.”
Yin looks down at my hands where I grip hers, and frowns.
“Since when do you bite your nails?”
Her words open the floodgates, and the sob that escapes my throat rips through the quiet of the chalet like the cry of an animal caught in a trap.
56
I stare into my glass morosely, waiting for him to finish his tirade.
I’m only half-listening. The other half is mourning my mother and hating myself for causing her last thoughts to be distressing. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be told in her final hour that I’d driven away the woman she’d done everything to bring into my life by acting as my father would have.
I owed her more than that. I owed them both more than that.
