Page 70 of Third Time is the Charm
“If it wasn’t for Charles pushing me, arguing with me, some weeks even walking me to the door because I felt like I wasn’t making any progress. If he hadn’t encouraged me in the beginning and along every step of the way, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be with you; you wouldn’t want to be with me.” His hands began to caress her face again, tenderness etching itself back onto his features. “In spite of everything that he did, if it wasn’t for you – for the thought of being able to get you back for good – I don’t know what would have happened. I probably would have lost all feeling left in whatever is beating in my chest.”
“Darcy,” Beth choked. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you went to talk to someone… for me… I know how hard that must have been for you.” She admitted; no, it would definitely not have been as easy feat for the old intolerable Darcy to admit to a fault, let alone admit that he needed someone else’s help to fix it. “Why wouldn’t you tell me this from the start though?”
A brief, harsh laugh escaped his lips, his eyes glistening. “What was I going to say? ‘Hi, Beth. Sorry for treating you like shit for months, but I’m seeing a therapist now so you should forgive me and take me back’?”
Beth pursed her lips. “Well, not those exact words…”
“Oh, Beth. Our whole relationship all I did was tell you things and expect you to believe them, to do them, to not do them… My actions rarely coincided with my words; no, most times they loudly contradicted my words. One of the things that I’ve come to realize is that especially with you, I don’t want to treat you like that. My actions shouldn’t cause you to question what I tell you. And I didn’t want to start off whatever was possible between us on the same foot.”
Beth just nodded, the lump in her throat growing over his thoughtfulness and concern.
“I didn’t want you to just believe that I’ve changed because I told you or showed you a therapist’s bill,” he explained hoarsely. “I wanted you to see it with your own eyes; I wanted you to feel it in your heart – that it wasn’t a lie or an exaggeration. I wanted you to be able to be confident in yourdecision to be with me.” His eyes brimmed with just how much he wanted her to be confident in him and his feelings for her.
“You thought I wouldn’t believe you?” she asked over the tears clogging her throat.
“No.” He shook his head. “I knew that you would. But, I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that blind trust from you – especially after how I’ve treated you.”
“Oh Darcy…” she murmured.
“But more than that,” he continued with determination. “I’m not fixed. I’m farther than where I was, but I’m not where I need to be. Having to prove to you that I can be the man that you deserve keeps me on that path and keeps my reason for doing all of this concretely in front of me, lighting my way.”
She was his reason. She saw it written all over his face.
“I’m sorry that I haven’t told you until now. I know it goes against what I promised you. I promised you openness and honesty and at the same time, I’ve been keeping this from you. I just couldn’t use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card. I wouldn’t… I hope you can forgive me.” His thumbs rubbed rhythmically over her cheeks, removing the tears that trailed down her face.
“I can’t believe you thought you had to keep this from me,” Beth choked out. “I would have believed you because I havefaithin you! I know that change takes time, especially when you’ve been through what you have. I know that it’s a process – a process that I want to be a part of. Iwantto be there for you; please, let me be.” Her plea ended softly.
It was the only thing that she had ever wanted.
“God, Beth, there’s nothing I want more than that. I just –”
“I know,” she cut him off. “I know; you didn’t want to give yourself the easy way out. But you need to cut yourself some slack. Getting professional help is only one part of the equation – you need to allow the people around you who care about you to be your support system.”
“You’re right.” His jaw clenched and his hands dropped from her face. “I just… It doesn’t matter. I should have told you sooner. Beth, can you forgive me?” Fear shone in his eyes, worried that he’d ruined everything for the last time.
“Oh, Darcy,” she whispered. “I know what you were thinking. I understand it, but I also have more faith in you than you think I do – or than you have for yourself. I just want you to know that I’m here for you – good or bad.”
His eyes bored into hers, waiting for her answer to his question.
“So, yes, I can forgive you,” she said softly, tears streaming down her face as her hands reached up to clasp the sides of his face. “Of course, I can forgive you –I love you.”
Her words seemed to freeze everything around them. The moment stopped, complete silence enclosing them.
It was the first time since they’d been back together that she had uttered those three life-changing words.
It was the first time either of them had.
And he knew it.
He kissed her softly, as though he hesitated to believe her words, feeling like he didn’t deserve them. “Beth, I love you,” he said, softly. “I never stopped.”
Tenderly, they kissed each other. It seemed the final veil between them had been shed and they were finally free to love the other with nothing standing between them.
Beth kissed him with all the love that she felt, all the love that she wanted to give him to show Darcy that she would be there for him. He hadn’t come after her before because he needed to change for her. Now that he had her in his life again, he was plagued with self-doubt that he wasn’t perfect, that he was going to make a mistake to ruin it, that he hadn’t changed enough. She kissed him to show him that it was ok;that he was enough.
He was more than enough.
“I meant it,” she whispered. “And I will provethatto you, but right now you need to get to the airport.”
