Page 58 of A Fate of Blood and Magic
I knelt in front of her, wanting her to hug me while also wanting her to push me away. She ran her hand through my hair, and that familiar affection made my stomach churn.
“Is this really the male you choose to love?” I asked. Heat burned the back of my throat, but I made myself look at her. I took in her thinned lips and her brows that she drew together. Beneath it all was her unwavering love. “Is this—am I really the one you want to spend your life with?”
She cupped my chin with a hardened look on her face. “I don’t agree with what you did, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
When I went to bow my head, she held my chin firmer.
“You made a selfish decision today,” she continued. “That doesn’t make you bad or selfish. If you were human, I’d say it makes you human.” Her lips ticked up the tiniest bit. “Apparently, fae are just as prone to bad behavior as we are. I expect you to apologize to Alastor and Ilgirth. It’s up to them if they forgive you, but that won’t change my relationship with any of them.”
If Ilgirth was alive.
“Of course not,” I said quickly. “Alastor is your family. The lirio and nyxx are part of his. I love that you have a relationship with them and would never want to get in the way of that.” When she caressed my cheek, I buried my head in her lap. “I’m sorry for what I did,mo elma.I have no excuse for it.”
“You’re under a lot of pressure. It doesn’t excuse anything, but I also understand. You want to bring your people home. You want your kingdom to be whole again. It wasn’t that long ago that Nalari and Brenton explained how you’d protect me at all costs without regret. It isn’t hard to imagine that loyalty extends to the people who are now your responsibility. You’re protecting them by any means necessary, even if it means harming others. Today, you hurt Alastor and his people.” My muscles twitched when she ran her hand down my back. She took her time stroking her way back up. “Most days, you only hurt yourself. It’s still not okay, and I hate the ways you hurt yourself, but I also don’t know anything about ruling a kingdom that’s in mourning. I wish you’d tell me how I can help you in some way. I wish you’d let your friends help you. I wish you’d see you don’t have to do any of this alone.”
Except I did. Didn’t I?
I’d allowed myself to rely on Alastor, and now, countless people of his were dead because of me. I couldn’t risk bringing anyone else in, but I also couldn’t do it alone.
While I had thought Finley was a good decision, I nowsaw how wrong I was. Brenton still loved her, and I was near certain she loved him back while also loving her intended. Their end, whatever it looked like, would be devastating to each of them. And I’d orchestrated bringing Finley back into Brenton’s life.
“I have something I have to tell you,” Teddy said, bringing her hand to my cheek while her eyes scanned my face. She dragged in a slow breath. “A few months ago, Bon told me how Alastor had released his hold over them.”
I flinched at her words, ready to stand and pace, but she kept her hand on my face.
“Please let me finish.” Her words trembled, and I scented the tears she held back. “I know I should’ve told you. I was going to when you brought the last of the fae from the regions, but then you had to leave again. I’m sorry, I?—”
“Why didn’t you tell me when I was still bringing them back from the regions?” My words came out heated, and I swallowed, trying to gentle my tone. “Why didn’t you trust me when Bon told you?”
She shook her head, all that beautiful red hair spilling over her shoulders. I wanted to touch the thick strands and fist them in my hand.
“It’s not that I didn’t trust you.” She strung each word together as she rushed to explain. “You’ve had so much on your plate, and I didn’t want to add to that by having you think you could no longer trust Alastor or the lirio.”
“Instead, you kept the truth from me and endangered my life with creatures who have attacked and killed my people.”
It was her turn to flinch. She rose to her feet slowly as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I didn’t endanger your life. I’d never endanger your life. I trust Alastor just as I trust the lirio.”
“So it’s only me, your mate, who you don’t trust?”
“That’s not fair.”
I sighed. “What’s not fair is that you kept this from me.”
“You’re right.” She drew in her bottom lip. “That wasn’t fair of me. I did it to protect you. I swear I did it to protect you,mo elma.I didn’t want you worrying about trusting the lirio when I knew you could. I shouldn’t have made that decision for you.”
On my tongue, I tasted the saltiness of the tears she still hadn’t shed. Unable to see her hurting, I stepped into her and put my arms around her. Wrapping her arms around my waist, she rested her head on my chest.
“I would never put your life in danger.” Her words came out small and sad.
I ran a hand over her head. “I know that.” I kissed the top of her head. “I shouldn’t have said that.” I sighed again. “Today’s devastation wrecked me, and . . . I should never have accused you of putting my life in danger when I trust you with every part of my soul. I know you’ll always have my best interest at heart, just like I’ll always have yours.”
She peered up at me and blinked several times, but a few tears escaped. “Always.”
I pressed my lips to hers. “No more secrets. Not between us.”
“I promise.”
I understood and could almost appreciate why she’d kept it from me. “Since I was a youngling, the lirio have been the greatest threat to my kingdom. I’ve fought them and watched them slaughter warriors and friends I’ve trained with.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know how to trust them.”
