Page 63 of It's Always Been You
Shit, why is that so hot?
Julie
He just said it? Just like that?
Me
He may have remembered that’s…something I like.
Hallie
How are we just learning now that you have a degradation kink?
Me
I don’t. At least, I don’t think I do. You don’t know because it turns out I only like it when he’s the one saying it.
Julie
I have the strangest urge to give you a standing ovation right now.
Me
Save it for when I get back. I have a praise kink too.
Isnort out a laugh and click off my phone just as the car pulls through the tall iron gates of the cemetery.
“Everything okay?” Gabe asks.
I toss my phone in my bag and turn to face him. “Yeah, it was the girls, just wondering how it’s going here.”
“What did you tell them?”
Gabe reaches out and takes my hand in his. It shakes just slightly, and I can see the set of his shoulders. The tension in his jaw. Nerves radiate off of him as the car climbs the winding road of the cemetery taking us, I assume, closer and closer to his parents’ graves. I decide to give him a little distraction.
“That you tore my underwear off my body and called me your needy little slut.”
He huffs out a laugh, and I can see his shoulders relax. Mission accomplished.
“That’s a lot of sharing for a group text.”
I shrug and squeeze his hand, hoping to get him to relax a little more. “I’ll tell them the rest on Monday morning over donuts. We like to have ourselves a sexy breakfast story every now and then. We’re sharers.”
“They’re your sisters.”
I nod, grateful that he understands my relationship with my friends. “In every way that matters.”
The car slows to a stop and Gabe’s breath hitches, body tensing up again. I cover his other hand with mine and he turns to face me, something akin to panic in his eyes. “I don’t know how to be here, Rory,” he says, voice almost a whisper.
I’ve known cheerful, golden retriever Gabe. Focused, brilliant coder Gabe. Deeply in love with me Gabe. Grieving, angry Gabe. At one point in my life, I loved all those parts of him. But it’s this Gabe—quiet, vulnerable, a little afraid, peeling himself back to show me his hurts—to whom I come perilously close to losing my heart for a second time in this life. I try and yank myself back from the edge, but I’m smart enough to know it’s an exercise in futility.
So, it’s here, in the back seat of a car parked in the middle of a cemetery, that I accept my fate. I’ve loved Gabe since I was eighteen, and I’m destined to love him until the day I die. It wasn’t a choice. It was predetermined. Written in the stars.
It’s that understanding that has me cupping his face, keeping my gaze steady on his while I stroke my thumbs over his cheekbones, searching his beautiful face. “Whatever you need, I’m here. Okay?”
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, his expression is determined. “Would it be okay if I went myself first? I think maybe I need a minute alone with them.”
I press a kiss to his forehead and let him go. “Of course it is. I’ll be right here if you need me.”
