Page 102 of It's Always Been You
“Rory. It wasn’t your fault.”
I shake my head and try to look back down, but Gabe holds my face steady. “Nothing that happened was your fault. Allie was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but she’s not gone because you were late to pick her up. She’s gone because a father losta child and he in turn made a terrible decision in his grief. I promise that Allie, the person who went shopping with you and made you buy a red dress for when you’re feeling your worst and fixed children’s broken hearts and loved Jordan with every part of hers, would not want you to take on this guilt and make yourself smaller for it. What happened to Allie was the worst thing that could happen to anyone, and I will hate forever that you had to experience this kind of loss. But it wasn’t your fault, baby. Not for a second.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I know. I mean, intellectually, I know. Genius IQ, right?”
Gabe lets out a laugh, and the sound of it warms a part of me that’s been cold for days.
“But it’s hard not to go through all the what ifs. Like, what if I had been early instead of late? Or what if I had called her sooner to tell her I would be late, so she wasn’t waiting outside for me? It’s enough to make you go crazy.”
Gabe nods in understanding and I know he really, truly does understand. He’s been lost in grief. He knows what it feels like. And he really is helping me the way I would have helped him if he had been in a place to accept it. It’s a full circle moment, ten years in the making. “I know. Your brain will go to some insane places. It’s normal. But I promise that when it does, I’ll be here to remind you that none of this is on you.”
“You might have to remind me a lot.”
Gabe pulls me into his lap and bands his arms around me. “I’ll remind you a hundred times a day if that’s what you need. It wasn’t your fault, Rory, and no one wants you to make yourself less when you are perfect exactly the way you are. I love every single thing about you. Your color and your light and the way you live your life all the way out loud. There has never been someone who shines as brightly as you. You’re the sun, Rory, and we are the lucky ones who get to live in your orbit.”
Tears flood my eyes again, but before I can wipe them away, Gabe beats me to it, swiping his thumbs over my cheeks. “Even when I leave crap all over your house and you have to help me find my keys every day?”
Gabe leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. “First of all, it’s our house now, not just mine. Second of all, I love your stuff around the house because it reminds me that you’re there when, for years, you weren’t. And I will help you find your keys every day for all eternity if it means you drive your car home to me at night. I want all of you, Rory. Your brilliance and your creativity and your wide-open heart, and everything that makes you who you are. It took me a decade to get you back, and there is not a force on earth strong enough to keep us apart now that we’re together. Don’t be less, Rory. Be mine. Be exactly the person you are because who you are is magnificent. I have loved you exactly as you are for fourteen years, and I promise to love you exactly like that until the end of time.”
“Fuck, Gabe.” I let out a watery laugh and sink deeper into his hold. “How do you know exactly the right things to say?”
He tightens an arm around me and links his other hand with mine. “Because I know you, baby. I always have. No one will ever know you the way I know you, and no one will ever love you the way I love you. Everything about us is meant to be. It has been since the first day we laid eyes on each other. You are my inevitable.”
I sigh, finding I quite like the idea of us being inevitable. “Did you always think we would end up here? Even when we were apart?”
Gabe leans down and presses a kiss behind my ear. “Everything I did for the ten years we were apart was so, one day, I could make my way back to you. I never stopped hoping you would take me back when I did, but that was always your choice to make. I’ll never stop being grateful that you chose me again.”
His words start to heal something inside of me that fractured four days ago. It will take me time to wade through all the guilt and grief, but with Gabe here, I know I’ll get there. “I would choose you a million times over. Every day. In every lifetime.”
And I would. I do.
I choose him when he undresses me slowly and tosses the black dress I hate into a corner. And when he helps me into the shower and washes my hair for me again, along with every inch of my body.
When he dries me off and tucks me into bed and slides in next to me, with nothing between us. And when he sinks inside me, fucking me slowly while he drops his mouth to my ear and whispers all the way, he’s going to love me from now until forever.
When he swallows my cries with his mouth as I come around him, and he follows me over the edge. And when he wraps me up in the comforting familiarity of his arms and, for the first time in four days, I fall safely into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Gabe
“If I get any closer to you, I’ll literally be in your lap.”
Molly gives me an amused look as I hook an ankle around her chair and slide it closer to me for, conservatively, the third time since we sat down at the kitchen table ten minutes ago. Halved muffins and iced peppermint mochas are spread between us. Molly’s hair is wild, just the way I like it. Her bracelet stack is back on her wrist, and the cheerful jingle fills the kitchen. She’s wearing sleep shorts and an oversized shirt that hangs off one shoulder, and I lean in and press a kiss to the exposed skin. She looks sleep mussed and gorgeous, and I can’t stop staring at her. Touching her. Reminding myself that she’s here and she’s mine.
“That sounds great; let’s do that.”
I grab Molly around the waist and pull her to me, settling her sideways on my lap. Reaching behind her, I get her coffee and hand it to her before wrapping my arms around her waist. I bury my face in her neck and breathe her in, and when I pull away, her face is painted in understanding, eyes full of love.
“I’m not going anywhere, Gabe—I swear. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant this last week. I got in my head, and I couldn’t pull myself out of it.”
I smile, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “I know, baby, and it’s okay. You went through something terrible. All of you did. And you still are. I don’t need you to smile and be happy when you aren’t. You don’t ever have to put on an act for me. All I need is for you to be here. Tell me how you feel, the good and the bad. Lean on me. Fall if you need to. I’ll catch you.”
Molly brings her forehead to mine, closing her eyes. For a minute we share a breath, just exist in this stolen little slice of morning together. I’m so fucking grateful for it.
“Maybe we should stay here forever, just like this. Who needs jobs and the outside world anyway? Out there is where everything goes to shit. It feels good in here with you.”
My chest clenches a little at the edge of pain in her voice that I know will be there for the time being while she works through Allie’s death. I wish I could take it away, but I also know the only way out is through. I draw circles on her hips with my thumbs as I study her face.
