Page 53 of First Impressions
He was leaving again.She felt panic start to set it. Then, she heard footsteps coming back up the steps and her shoulders collapsed in relief. He came back into the room holding his suit jacket from last night and moved to sit on the side of the bed.
“Beth,” his eyes bored into hers as he began, “you are one of the most beautiful and admirable women I have ever met. Your ambition, your accomplishments, and your steadfast character have impressed me to my core. I am in awe of you.”
Beth felt her eyes widen. She was not prepared for this.Where was his explanation for everything that had happened?
“You are one of few people who doesn’t balk at standing up to me; you challenge me and my views on the world with a steadfast grace that I’ve never encountered before. I’ve fallen in love with you, Beth.”
Holy shit.Was she still breathing? She wasn’t sure. She felt lightheaded like she could pass out any moment. Was this for real? Did Darcy just admit that he loved her?Darcy loves you.
She continued to stare at him in shock as he reached into his jacket and grabbed a box from one of the pockets, the letters DB in a gold flourish on the top.What was—-
“I want to marry you, Beth. I love you. Will you marry me?” He opened the box to reveal the ring he had bid on and won the previous night, the diamond and rubies sparkling in the morning sun streaming in from the windows.
She stared blankly at the giant ring, paralyzed with shock.Darcy loves me. Darcy wants to marry me.God, she hoped this wasn’t a dream. She loved him; as much as she didn’t want to, she did and knowing that he felt the same was a happiness beyond words. Sheer joy blossomed in her chest, like nothing she had ever felt before. She looked up finally to meet his questioning gaze.
“I know it’s a lot, but once I set my mind on something, on having you, I can’t wait. It doesn’t have to be right away. There are … some things… you should know about me first, but I want your commitment.”
She barely registered his hesitation when he said that she needed to know some things about him or even what he said; she was stuck on the fact thathe wanted to marry her.The thought made her feel warm everywhere. She gave him atremulous smile, trying to remember how to work her voice again.
I can’t believe this. Wait until I tell Jane.
Jane.The cold crash of reality washed over her and she shivered. He saw the immediate change that came over her and his brows drew together in concern, “Beth?”
“How can I marry someone who hasn’t been honest with me?” She didn’t know where they came from because her mind was a mess, but her words somehow had found a way out with vehemence. “Darcy, you haven’t told me anything since the day that we met, not a single thing - not even something as simple as how I magically went from being barely ‘tolerable’ to being admirable to being someone that you want to marry!” The anger and frustration and confusion that had built up and been caged inside of her had finally found its release. With every word, her tone and emotion became more forceful and angrier.
For as smart as he was, he clearly wasn’t expecting that response.Well, she wasn’t just going to say ‘yes’ and forget about everything else just because he was gorgeous. And sexy. And rich. And she loved him. UGH. Shit.
“Oh Beth,” he laughed exasperatedly, “Dammit, I called you tolerable because I could barely tolerate being around you, I was so attracted to you; it was something that I’d never experienced before and I said tolerable so that it wouldn’t be a lie to Charles, but also so that he wouldn’t ask questions that I didn’t have answers to at that point.” He paused to look at her and she could see the desperation in his eyes. “Don’t you see how much of an effect you have on me?”
“Darcy, your selective wording choice is the least of my concerns right now,” Beth responded harshly. Her floodgates had opened and even though it felt momentarily gratifying to have him explainsomethingto her, she barely registered it as the torrent of angry frustration just kept coming, “God! Maybe it makes sense to you why you’ve treated me with uncontrolled lust one minute and then callous disregard the next, but I certainly don’t understand it or know where that means I stand with you. You go around and live your life, ordering people about, controlling their lives with no resistance, noexplanation - it’s why I gave you the name ‘Mr. Intolerable’! You’re all about maintaining control over people and directing their choices, but that’s not me! I’ll admit that I’m irrationally attracted, hell, just plain irrational when it comes to you, but that doesn’t mean that I’m just some puppet you can maneuver however you want. I deserve answers, I deserve to know why the manI gave my virginity toseems to lack even the slightest ability to return that level of respect!”
She was yelling at him now and for the first time, probably in his entire life, the shock of being called out not only left him speechless but his usual defense mechanisms were nowhere to be found; his face was an open book of shock, hurt, and regret.
“And even beyond that, forget about the explanation I deserve about what’s been happening between us. What happened between you and George? You had Anne, who I thought was your girlfriend, hunt me down and warn me about him when I barely knew her, then you punched him right in front of me, and even though he might have deserved it, you’ve yet to give me an explanation for it.”
Even though her words came out angry, her eyes pleaded with him just to talk to her. Yet, he just stood there, partly in shock and partly processing everything that she was throwing at him. After a few seconds, when it was clear that he wasn’t going to respond, she continued, her anger somewhat deflated.
“But more importantly than any of that, what about Charles? Did you purposefully separate him from Jane? Is that why he left?” This question didn’t come out angry, it came out pleading; she begged him to tell her that he’d had no involvement in breaking Jane’s heart.Please say no. Please.
“Yes.”
There was no hesitation, no detectable sounds of remorse in his one-word answer, and no attempt to explain his actions; just a definitive ‘yes,’ the confidence in his decision echoed by his words or lack thereof. His mouth formed a grim line as his eyes looked down at his hands, still holding the open ring box in his lap.Well, I guess that was her answer.She felt the tears starting to collect in her eyes.
“How could you do that to Jane?” she responded quietly, still reeling from his answer. It wasn’t like she hadn’t known all along that it had been because of him, but she’d been living in denial, hoping for some obscure reason or for some justified explanation; but for him to simply admit it to her with no rationale, no exculpation, the shred of denial she had been clinging to finally broke.
His jaw clenched and he stood up from the bed, snapping the ring box closed. He ran his hand through his hair before turning to look at her again.
“Beth, do you love me?”
Yes.She didn’t answer though because she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold her ground if he knew she felt the same way.God, how could he even ask her that now?
“What does it matter about George Wickham or Charles and Jane? It’s not important now,” he said, his voice raised in his agitation. “I love you and I want to marry you. If you love me, you will want me regardless of what these people have done, regardless of what I have done.”
“Darcy, how can you say that you love me if you can’t even be open with me and answer me first!” She yelled, a tear escaping and slipping down her cheek, “God, you’re doing it right now - trying to control me, control this situation. You don’t even have the decency to acknowledge my concerns or what I’m asking you; you just brush them off and try to steer me back right where you want me. You don’t want to deal with anything that you don’t think is important, regardless of what it means for me; I can’t believe you even asked me to marry you. Hell, I’m surprised you didn’t just come in and inform me that that is what is going to happen! I can’t marry someone who won’t even talk to me, who won’t even treat me like an equal. You need to stop being so proud and either let me in or leave me alone!”
“I see.” With that cold response, his stoic mask descended instantly back upon his face, shutting out all remnants of emotion. “Well, in that case, I won’t bother you any longer.”
All of the color drained from her face as she watched him grab his shirt and shoes and storm out of the room and the house, slamming the front door on his way out.
