Page 69 of First Impressions
She nodded her head even though she knew he couldn’t see her; he wasn’t expecting a response. She closed the study door as she let another tear slip past her defenses.
When she finally climbed into bed, all she could think was how much she loved him.
Completely. Irrevocably. Unequivocally.
She let the tears fall, used to them by now, as she thought about what had happened. Darcy had acquiesced to the demands of the one person he hated, all to save her sister; all for her, he had sacrificed his pride, again. Her heart swelled so much, she thought it would burst with the love she had for him. She knew it wasn’t gratitude because her heart had ached like this from the moment she had refused him, even more so after seeing him at his home. Now, it only ached worse because she realized the ramifications of his actions.
True, he had saved her sister’s happiness but now, were he ever to propose to her again, how would he know that she wasn’t saying ‘yes’ out of gratitude for what he did?How would he know that she really wanted to marry him, that she would do anything to be with him, after having so carelessly rejected him?Now, she could never approach the subject; she could never tell him that she loved him because it would seem like she was saying it out of gratitude, that she owed him for saving Lydia.
That was her last thought as sleep and heartache overcame her:He will never know how much I truly love him.
Chapter Forty-Three
Buzz.Buzz. Buzz.
Beth rolled over, trying to make the noise stop so that she could continue sleeping.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
“Hello?” she answered her phone groggily, not even looking to see who it was who called.
“Beth! Your sister is getting married!” her mother screamed at the other end of the line.
“Yes, mom, I know. I’m hanging up now.”
“No! Not Lydia. Jane! Jane and Charles are engaged!” her mother exclaimed. Beth wished Jane had told their mom that Beth already knew.
“Yes, wonderful mom. What time is it? I’m still sleeping. I’ll call you in a little.”
“What? Why aren’t you more ex—” her mother’s excited scolding cut off as Beth hung up the phone.
She didn’t know what time it was but she did know that it was too early and she was too emotionally drained to deal with that. She needed coffee and a shower.
Shower first.Dragging herself from the bed, she showered to try and liven herself up. In her groggy stupor, all it did was allow her mind to drift to the memory of when Darcy had showered with her. God, what she wouldn’t give for that right now. Her heart was so hurt that she hadn’t even acknowledged the physical, sexual ache that she had for him. It was like he had awakened something inside her, something that she had purposely suppressed for so long to focus on her goals that she forgot it existed.
She closed her eyes and imagined that it was his hands instead of the water caressing her body. Washing her hair, she remembered how tenderly he had massaged her scalp as he performed the task. In spite of his need for control, the tenderness with which he had treated her made her chest tighten.
She turned the shower to cold, shocking her system back to reality. She needed to move on. No matter how much she loved him and wanted to be with him, she couldn’t pursue him now without it appearing to be out of gratitude. Turning off the shower, she stepped out and grabbed her towel, roughly drying her body so as to not evoke any other memories of Darcy’s caresses.
Checking her phone again she saw that she had missed several texts from Jane earlier this morning, even before her mom called.
Hey, I’m on my way over to mom and dad’s now to tell everyone. Charles is meeting me there. FYI.
And then:
Just told mom and dad. Mom is being mom, prepare yourself for a phone call.
Well, she read that a little too late to be helpful.Knew I should have set an alarm.Feeling guilty for brushing her mom off so rudely, Beth called her back, steeling herself for the onslaught of excited screeches that were headed her way.
“Beth! I can’t believe you hung up on me earlier. That’s absolutely no way to treat your mother,” Irene began, briefly controlling her excitement to scold her daughter.
“I’m sor—” Beth tried to interject.
“Now just wait; I’m not done. I’m sorry that I woke you this morning but after everything that has been going on, I wanted to share with you that Jane is engaged. There was no reason for you to hang up on me.”
Wait for it.
“Can you believe that our Jane is engaged? And Lydia! I just can’t believe it!” her mother’s switch had been flipped and the offense completely lost amidst her motherly pride.
