Page 40 of First Impressions
Your housekeeper is lovely and lunch was delicious.
Since it didn’t seem to be a problem for you to find out anything and everything else about me, I’m confident that you’ll be able to source out my cell number if you want to reach me.
Beth
P.S. - Thank you for the perfectly-sized clothes, by the way.
Leaving the note on the table in the front entryway, Beth grabbed her stuff and made her way out of the suite. Just before the door clicked behind her, she stopped to make sure that she had all of her belongings, realizing that once the door closed she had no way of getting back in unless, somehow, she found Mrs. Grace.Cellphone. Purse. Shoes. Dress.That was it. As the door clicked behind her, she felt like she had locked in everything about last night, everything that they had done, everything he had said; it was like they had been encased in a safe space where no one knew about them or could damage them. Leaving the suite was like leaving a separate life, where it had just been she and Darcy, nothing else to complicate whatever was between them. Now, as she rode the elevator down to the lobby, it almost seemed like a dream that couldn’t have possibly happened.
As she trekked through the city back to her apartment, she wondered if she should even tell Jane about last night; that would make it real, verbalizing everything to an outsider, even if that outsider was her sister and best friend. What would Jane think? Should she tell hereverything?Should she leave out the part about losing her virginity? Telling Jane everything would make what they had done concrete, it would allow her to be hurt again, publicly; keeping it to herself was the safer option in case it didn’t work out. Except that left her not onlyto sort through her emotions on her own but meant she would have to continue to lie and keep things from Jane.
Chapter Twenty-Five
By the timeshe reached their apartment Beth was still deciding how much, if anything, she was going to tell Jane.
Jane looked up from her book on the couch when she entered. With a small smile, Jane immediately got up and came over to hug her.
“I’m sorry Beth.”
“Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything.”This is so not your fault, Jane.
“I just feel like something has been going on and I’ve done something that’s made it hard for you to talk to me. So, I’m sorry for whatever that something is. I want you to know that I’m here for you.” It was just like Jane to try to take the blame for whatever situation was going on; she was always more concerned with fixing any situation than being right. In that moment, Beth knew she couldn’t keep things from her sister anymore.
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’ve been struggling with this whole Mr. Darcy situation. I won’t lie; hearing you talk about Charles began to become hard for me but instead of talking to you about it, I tried to handle it on my own and it blew up in my face. So, I’m sorry for shutting you out.”
“I’m sorry, Beth. Had I known, I wouldn’t have said so—”
“No, stop. Seriously, don’t apologize. This is all on me. It is what it is and I just want to talk to you and let you know what’s been happening and move forward,” Beth cut her off and moved them both back over to the couch. “Ok, where to start. Well, the night that dad told Bill that Charles would be taking over the firm, Mr. Darcy caught me in the hall and kissed me again. After what you had told me, I won’t lie that I was hopeful and excited and nervous to see him. I had played the scene out over and over again in my head, and when he kissed me I really thought he was going to open up and everything was going to happen like I imagined. Well, obviously from our subsequent discussion at the table, that’s not quite what happened.” Beth finished her story of thatevening to a shocked Jane, who tried again to take part of the blame for Beth’s disappointment that night because it was her fault for getting her hopes up. “So it’s really not your fault. I should have known how he would react but I’ve just never been so attracted to someone like this before and it just consumed me; I built my expectations up so high that reality was a hard fall short.”
“I just can’t believe he told you that he wanted you to leave him alone especially after what he said to me. I’m so sorry, Beth. I would never have told you if I thought he would be such a jerk about it afterward; he just seemed so sincere, like he couldn’t help but tell me how he felt because it was all he was feeling.” At this point, Jane was almost in tears for the role she had played in this scenario, beating herself up for being fooled by what must have been a miscommunication or a momentary delusion on his part. “I know all about how it feels to have your hopes up, only to have some guy crush them. I feel terrible that I put you in that position.”
Beth reassured her, again, that it wasn’t her fault and that she had insisted she tell her. Moving past that episode before Jane got too worked up, Beth told her how she decided to put the whole thing behind her, move on, and forget about Darcy; that she thought it was going really well until the email from Mrs. DeBourgh informing her that Darcy was Anne’s date for the evening. She had lost something that she thought she hadn’t wanted, but she was wrong and it had devastated her; that’s why she stayed at the office that night.
“It’s just so notlike me, you know. I’m always the independent one - don’t need anyone, doing my own thing, not distracted by my emotions. But since Darcy, all I can think about is him. I feel like his kiss flipped a switch inside me where all I want is to be with him. Looking at my life before him and the independence I was so proud of, now just seems lonely. Everything I’ve accomplished, I’m still proud of, but I feel like I’m missing someone to share in my successes, to push me to be better. Meeting him, kissing him, began to put cracks in my mindset on life and then thinking that I had lost him to Anne felt like my whole perspective came crashingdown around me.” This is how it always happened when she talked to Jane. She would start with what she thought she wanted to say and then all of a sudden the floodgates would open and she’d be able to finally articulate all of what she was feeling; the relief was indescribable.
“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you; I could have told you that it’s ok to need other people in your life - present company included. It doesn’t take away from you or your goals or successes. Now, I certainly don’t have all the answers when it comes to that area, but I think that if you want to share your life with someone, it will only make you stronger,” Jane asserted. “If you want my opinion, they didn’t really look like they were a couple though at the ball. I mean, certainly good friends, but nothing overly romantic. Not that I was paying a lot of attention to them.” Here she blushed, obviously recognizing that she had been distracted with Charles the whole time.
“I know, but considering how Darcy treated me - someone he was at least remotely attracted to - I just figured that his being nice was the most anyone could expect if you were in a relationship with him,” Beth said, drawing a laugh from her sister. “Plus, having to hear Mrs. DeBourgh talk about them and their future all night, especially once mom hinted at you and Charles getting engaged, just solidified it in my mind.” Beth gave Jane a look as she mentioned their mother’s assertion about her upcoming engagement.
Jane’s eyes moved downward and her hands began to fidget in her lap.
“Jane?” Beth raised her eyebrows at her sister when she remained curiously silent, her cheeks starting to turn red.
“Jane, did Charles propose? Are you engaged already??” Beth frantically asked her, too shocked to even finish telling her what happened after the ball.
“No, no. Not yet,” Jane quickly reassured her. “But we talked about it, in hypothetical terms. He asked if I would consider marrying someone that I’ve only known for such a short time, but I don’t want to talk about Charles if it’s going to upset you.”
“Oh, my God! Jane! He wants to marry you! What did you say? You can’t tell me that and then not say anything else.”
“Well, I told him that it depended on the person but that I wouldn’t strictly be against it. I would want to know a little bit more about the person, so maybe a longer engagement, but no, I wouldn’t turn him, or someone, down just based on how long we’ve been together.” Jane was clearly nervous about the conversation and its implications. She kept fidgeting with her hands and fingers and couldn’t look Beth right in the eye as she spoke.
“Would you say yes? That’s what I want to know!” Beth laughed, pushing her sister for a straightforward answer.
“I don’t know. He hasn’t asked.” Jane tried to tiptoe around an answer but Beth gave her a glare. “Ok, alright, yes, if he asked I would say yes.”
“Jane, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you!!”
“Well, it hasn’t happened yet, although dad said Charles asked to meet with him this afternoon, and we are supposed to be going to dinner tonight, but I’m not getting my hopes up. I really like him and I don’t want the expectation of something that might not happen to ruin how I feel about him.” She was clearly trying to talk herself down, but the excitement she felt was shining through.
