Page 15 of First Impressions
“Do you want to talk about it? It looked like I had interrupted something; I’m sorry if I did. If you don’t want to talk, we can always chat about Charles and his bad handwriting.” Her attempt to make Beth laugh was heartwarming. She really did love her sister.
“Yes. And no. I don’t know. He showed up with the flowers and the note, and I was still so mad about what happened yesterday that I deliberately started to irritate him by opening up the note and threatening to read it before giving it to you; I’m so sorry.” She gave her sister a pleading look before resting her forehead in her hands, “I didn’t read it though, I just opened it and took the letter out of the envelope. I don’t know what came over me, but then he kissed me and kept kissing me for a while until we heard you yell from the bathroom; then it was like nothing had happened again - for him, at least. I was in a complete fog and just when I was lucid enough to confront him about, well, everything, you came into the kitchen and I didn't get the chance.” Seeing her sister’s dismay at that statement, she quickly reassured her, “It’s not your fault, Jane. It’s all his fault - and mine for being pathetically consumed by him.”
Beth burst into tears. It wasn’t that she was that sad, she just felt so overwhelmed by everything and these feelings that she had never experienced before. Jane quickly grabbedthe tissue box off the nightstand and sat by her sister on the bed, handing her a tissue.
“I’m so sorry, B, but I’m sure it will be ok. Men are confusing and stupid and can never just acknowledge their feelings like a grown-up. I know you don’t want to believe me, but I’m positive that Mr. Darcy likes you, in spite of how he acts and what he says sometimes. I don’t know if that’s what you want or need to hear right now and God knows I’m not the most astute person when it comes to interpreting men’s feelings for myself, but it’s obvious to me that you’ve gotten underneath his skin.”
Beth had stopped crying, her momentary meltdown releasing the pent-up anxiety that had been building from the emotional rollercoaster that Darcy had put her on these past few days. Jane continued to sit and comfort her, letting her positive thoughts lighten the mood.
“Mr. Darcy isn’t like Charles, whose emotions are clearly written all over his face; he is completely inexpressive ninety-nine percent of the time except when you are around. I can only speculate what emotions you must make him feel, but anyone can see that he feels something because his guard comes down. Plus, he’s probably one of the most powerful, richest men in the world; anyone could have delivered those flowers to me today; even with a request from Charles, if Mr. Darcy didn’t want to come here, he wouldn’t have. I think he wanted to see you,” Jane suggested positively.
“I know. It’s just hard to believe because he’s so reticent. This is why I’ve steered clear of men for so long; less than a week of becoming semi-involved - or whatever this is - and I’m already turning into a complete mess.” Beth used a tissue to dry her eyes and then began to rub her wrists where Darcy had held them so tightly, wondering if they would bruise. Forcing herself to move on, she stood up from the bed.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall apart on you there. I was just a little overwhelmed, but I think my initial strategy was right, even though it was sabotaged today; I need some space away from him and this whole situation because this emotional wreckage just isn’t me.”
“It’s ok. I’m here for you whatever you need. I’m sure I can work from home the next few days if you want some company.”
“No, I’ll be ok. I need some time to sort out my feelings for Darcy and once I figure that out, I have a bunch of work stuff to keep my mind busy.”
“Alright, well I don’t think either of us feels like cooking now, so why don’t I order in some Chinese food and then I think Bridget Jones’ Diary is on Netflix; we can watch that tonight if you want.”
“Sounds good. I’m going to shower.” As much as she loved her sister, she needed some time to be alone and process well, everything.
She went into their bathroom and began to undress. Boy, did she look a sight. Her face looked completely ravaged - first by desire, then by anger, confusion, frustration, and finally by exhaustion. Her lips were still slightly swollen, her hair in complete disarray. She smelled him as she pulled her t-shirt over her head, his scent embedded in the fabric from being in such close contact. As she looked down to take off her pants, she could see her right nipple was still red from when he had pinched it - hard. Her yoga pants and thong came off in one shot and she didn’t need to look at those to know that they still hadn’t dried from the kitchen incident.
Stepping into the shower that was borderline scalding immediately relaxed her. Taking in deep breaths of the hot steam, she began to wash her hair. All this emotion over a guy wasn’t like her at all. She had goals, plans, and had purposely shut out (for the most part) any relationships with the other sex because she knew it would distract her from her ambitions.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t had relationships in the past, but they were never anything serious and she always ended them before they even really got started; it was easier that way. She hadn’t been in a relationship in almost two and a half years and she was beginning to regret that decision, realizing how unprepared it made her for what was happening now. Now, she was overwhelmed with all these emotions that she’d had no experience with for the past two years…or longer.
She knew she was attracted to him, it was pointless to deny it; she also knew that she had never experienced such complete, unbridled desire like this with anyone before. That was part of what scared her, the intensity of how much she desired him because she lost complete control over herself when it was released.
He also irritated her beyond words. His entire proud and snobby demeanor really grated on her, and then there was how he treated her; she’d never felt more inclined to rub her accomplishments and knowledge in someone’s face. No other guy had ever treated her like that, which might be why none of them ever lasted; they all admired her for what she accomplished but never gave her the sense that they expected her to do more or that they wanted her to have goals for herself. Darcy irritated her because he had such high expectations of everyone, including herself, that all she wanted to do was push to exceed them.
Wow.
It was like a light-bulb had just clicked in her mind. Darcy was the first person she’d ever had a romantic interest in who expected from her what she expected from herself. Sure, her family and friends were supportive and proud of what she had done and what she wanted to do, but no one expected more from her in a way that pushed her to become a better person. Beth turned off the shower as a semblance of peace came over her, realizing why she was so drawn to him. Darcy challenged her and that’s why she instinctively always felt the need to, not just prove herself, but challenge him back.
Beth grabbed her towel and stepped out of the shower, feeling completely relaxed and drained. After everything that had happened and all that her mind had had to process, she was ready to eat some comfort food and get some sleep. She left her thoughts of Darcy alone, resigned in knowing that she would most certainly see him later in her dreams.
Chapter Thirteen
Beth spentthe rest of the week working mostly from home. She stopped in at her office on Wednesday to let Phil know how the meeting with Mrs. DeBourgh went and what she expected of Beth. She left out the part about spying on Mr. Darcy -and how that was the whole reason they had secured her business in the first place. That day she also received another email from Mrs. DeBourgh ‘thanking’ her for the invitations to Longbourne’s Charity Ball and RSVP’ing for herself and her daughter.
Overall, she wouldn’t say it was an unproductive week working from home; she kept herself on a tight schedule, waking up early and either going to the gym in their apartment building or doing yoga, addressed any guest responses or vendor questions about the ball, ate lunch, checked her work emails, and edited PR pieces her assistants sent over to be released to the news at the beginning of next week. Mostly, she was proud of little she allowed herself to think about Mr. Darcy. Well, she told herself it was only a little.
The day after he had shown up at their apartment, she deliberately took the morning to decide how she was going to handle her feelings for him, determined to approach this problem rationally. The reality was that she was intensely attracted to him and there was just no way she was able to ignore that. Accepting that fact meant she just needed to decide how to handle any future romantic encounters, both physically and emotionally.
She figured she had two options – completely avoid Mr. Darcy at all costs or acknowledge that just because they might end up physically involved didn’t mean she had to let her emotions become attached. Option number one was pretty much unfeasible because of her family and professional obligations, which left her with option number two. Option number two really wasn’t so bad when she thought about it, as long as she could stick to it; it wasn’t too different from her previous, although limited, relationships. Granted, she seemedto get along with those men better than she did with Darcy, but she had still kept her feelings aside so that they couldn’t compromise her personal goals. Plus, the man’s personality was completely intolerable to the point where she felt secure believing it was an impossibility for her to even like him, let alone love him. She could enjoy the pleasure she experienced with him for what it was and keep her emotions to herself; especially if he was capable of doing it, then so could she.
The highlights of her days were seeing Jane come home from work glowing from spending so much time with Charles. It seemed like their relationship was progressing pretty rapidly, and Jane was completely head over heels. In spite of her deliberate attempts on the first day to keep the conversations focused on Charles and Jane, when Thursday rolled around Beth couldn’t help but inquire about Mr. Darcy.
“So, was Mr. Darcy there this week?”
Beth didn’t miss the small smile that slipped across her sister’s face. “He was. He met with dad a lot to go over some final details about the purchase price and payments and things like that, but he was there.” When Beth didn’t respond, Jane continued with the observations she knew her sister was really wondering about.
“On Wednesday, he really didn’t look well. Not that I’ve been around him all that often but compared to the other times when we have met, he was a mess; he looked like he’d been up all night and even though his clothes and hair and everything were still perfect, his mind was all over the place. Before, he would coolly control the conversation, always trying to keep them focused on business, but Wednesday he had a blank stare as if he was lost in his own thoughts; he wouldn't answer when Charles addressed him and asked him to repeat several questions. It was just very unlike him.”
“Oh.” Beth felt her insides begin to tingle at the thought that it was because of her that he was so distraught.
