Page 41 of Ace
Despite a sense of trepidation, Savannah’s body burst into flames once more. Sizzling. Liquid. Flames. Because she wanted to doitagain, too.
Keller pulled her toward him, her butt against the counter, and her legs between his knees. Her palms and all five fingers landed on that manly chest. Warm and rough, hard yet smooth, she could barely stand still while he wiped those cool, damp paper towels over her forehead and cheeks. Down her neck. Across her shoulders. Gently. Kindly.
The first hint of his crystal-clear compassion and tenderness hit like an ocean wave. Closing her eyes, Savannah let it wash over and through her as if she were an empty vessel. Keller’s empathy was a powerful force, crashing into her, flooding her, filling every nook and crevice, every hidden part of her soul with uncommon comfort for all she’d suffered and lost today.
This man’s understanding and genuine kindness knew no bounds. He knew and understood Gran Mere’s death at an intimate level most others never could, andhe wasn’t judging her. He wasn’t just picking up on her grief, smoothing it out and pouring in kindness to buoy her up. Somehow, he’d incorporated her loss into his soul, as if it were his to bear. Not only had he been there when she’d passed—although he hadn’t known it at the time—he was now shouldering Savannah’s grief as if it were his.Who does something like that?
Only this golden man who was as fierce and as proud as Isaiah. But like Isaiah, Keller gave his gift away as if there were no rules for anyone but him. As if everyone deserved his compassion, while he did not.
“Lift your hair,” he ordered gently.
Opening her eyes, Savannah reached both hands behind her head to tie her hair up into a messy knot. Keller’s gaze slid down her neck to her meager cleavage. His top teeth slid over his bottom lip. She’d forgotten the feminine power she held over him. It was such a simple thing to lift her arms, but he wanted her again. And she wanted him.
She took extra care securing every last wayward strand. He needed this private little show, and she could tell by the way his breath hitched that he liked what he saw. A tender darkness enveloped the gold in his eyes. He didn’t blink or swallow, just stared like a hungry man standing outside a bakery window, with only the thinnest pane of glass between him and a tray of warm-from-the-oven, powdered sugar frosted beignets.
At last, Savannah cupped his jaw in both hands, her heart opened wide to whatever Keller wanted from her. As freely as he gave to others, she would give to him. “Do I stink?” she asked to draw his gaze back to her face.
“Uh uh,” he growled, his tongue darting out to quench his lower lip. Reaching behind her, he grabbed another handful of towels, dampened them, then left the faucet running as he wiped her arms.
Teasing she asked, “Would it be easier if I took my shirt off?”
“God, no,” he groaned. “I mean, yes, yes, but not until we’re some place where I can worship you like you deserve. I’ve never done this in a barn before.”
“That makes two of us,” she said blithely as she took the towels and made quick work of refreshing herself. A shadow stole his smile, and she knew he considered himself a lowlife for what he’d just done to her.
Tossing the crumpled towels into the trash bin beside the counter, she walked into Keller’s arms and put both hands on that massive chest. “I wanted this,” she breathed. “Don’t, please don’t let the fact that we made love in a barn ruin it.”
He didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink. Instead he circled her inside his arms, holding her as gently as if she were a child. She snuggled in where she wanted to stay. Could things get more perfect?
“We need to talk,” he murmured as he rested his chin on the crown of her head.
“We do?” Now was the moment she’d been waiting for. She nuzzled, rubbing her nose along his collarbone and breathing in every last male epithelial she could. Now she could tell him she loved him. Once he said the word—
“What we just did was fantastic, no doubt about it,” he purred, his hands so warm against her back. So bigand strong. “A guy could get used to coming home to you. But it can’t happen again. We’re—”
Wait. What?Savannah tipped back in his arms, needing eye contact. “You don’t love me?”
Didn’t that make her sound high school pathetic? But they had just made love. That was what sex between consenting, caring adults was called, wasn’t it? Making love? And if they’d made love, didn’t it just naturally follow that he loved her? He certainly cared enough for her. He’d used a condom, and he’d said all the right words. He’d been gentle and kind, possessive and dominant. He’d made her think that he felt the same way she did. How could they have done what they did and he not love her? Was that even possible?
“I do care about you, Savannah,” he answered, the sexy glow in his eyes replaced by an earnest light. “What we just did here today rocked my world, too.”
Okay, that sounded promising. He had felt the same things she did. She let him explain, certain he was getting to the good part.
“But we’re from two different worlds. I work a dangerous career in the District, while you have a steady business and a full life here. It’s my fault. I’m a bastard for misleading you. I shouldn’t have let this go as far as it did. I’m sorry.”
She had no idea what to say to that. The man she’d just given herself and her heart to didn’t love her back. Because of his job? “But I, umm…” Her heart fell with a soggy splat at her feet.I am so dumb.
“I’m sorry,” Keller said even as he cupped her jaw in the same gentle hands she’d fallen in love with back atthe boathouse, the same hands that had earlier caressed Gran Mere’s pretty face. Savannah knew she loved this guy then. How could he say these untrue things to her now? She knew better. He did love her, he did!
Yet the warmth left her when he dutifully untangled his hands and legs and set her apart. The instant loss of his body heat chilled Savannah to her soul. He didn’t love her. He never had. He’d just used her. Yet that didn’t make sense, and it didn’t feel right either. The righteous words coming out of his mouth didn’t match the tender vibes rolling off him. That was his gift, his empathy. But right now, Keller needed to knock it off. Empathy was something he could walk away from. It wasn’t love.
Savannah closed her eyes, not ready to face what truth she might read on his handsome face. The instant her eyes shut, her inner sight opened with a rush. Once again all the threads of the universe flowed through her. This was her gift, and she saw the real Keller clearly.
He was a proud man of finely-honed honor that gleamed around him like a halo. That honor was the code he lived by, his pledge of allegiance. He was a combat-hardened warrior more than a sleek federal agent. Yes, he’d killed for his country, and he’d do it again. But while he’d dealt with the personal aftermath of taking those lives, a few of those deaths still clung to him. A woman in the tangled Amazon jungle. A young man—no, a boy—in some far-off desert. Of all things—a dog that ran beneath the wheels of his car while chasing a cat across a busy highway...
He knew the cost of war and loss, yet he’d pledged his whole heart and soul to his country. He’d seen the worst of mankind, but in the camaraderie of the men he’d fought with, he’d also seen the best. She didn’t know what a ranger was, but Keller did and he was proud to be one. So proud. Those intangibles were all he’d had left after he’d lost his wife. His black suit and tie were just another disguise.
Despite the gleaming honor, a darkness lingered within him. It breathed. It slithered. And he believed it would eventually consume him. That was why he guarded his heart. He refused to drag anyone down with him. Especially her.
