Page 77 of Heston
Which London knew she was. How sad!
“But that big, gruff bear of a man sitting out there with Heston,” Kelsey continued, “just picked me up and brought me to Virginia to live with him, as if he did crazy stuff like that every day. Which he does, doesn’t he?” She wiped a slender finger under her leakiest eye.
“Heston gets pretty crazy sometimes, too. So… so what’s the secret?”
Kelsey eased out of London’s embrace and leaned her left hip into the dryer, mirroring the stance London resumed. “That it’s not the load that breaks you down, sweet girl. It’s how you learn to carry it. The one sure thing about life is that it will be onelong string of endurance tests. Abuse. Murder. Divorce. Even rape. Pain, disappointment, and death will come to everyone, eventually to us again. But it’s how we deal with those tragedies when they return that will make or break us.”
Wow. That actually sounded—wise. And it came from Alex? The man who’d been half-insane with rage and pain the night he’d found Kelsey in that burning trailer? The man who’d snarled at everyone who’d tried to help him?
“W-what were their names? Your boys. I mean, if you don’t mind telling me.” London strived to change the subject, to get Kelsey’s focus off her.
“Jackie and Tommy. And no, I don’t mind talking about any of my children. Those little boys are very much a part of our life, as much as Abby, the sweet daughter Alex lost, and the two little rascals who decorate our lives today.”
“How on Earth did you deal? What’d you do? My God, how’d you ever get through that?”
“First…” Kelsey took a deep breath, then pursed her lips and let it hiss out. “I just… I let Alex in. I was a battered spouse back then, and I was pretty much worthless as an intelligent human being. Despite my college education and my teaching certificate, I had no opinion on anything. I was afraid to think for myself. I thought I was weak. I’d been told I was useless so many times, I believed it. That’s how my ex controlled me. By verbal abuse first, then physical. I was so messed up when I met Alex that I firmly believed it was my fault my deranged ex-husband killed my boys—”
“I never should’ve asked!” Guilt for causing more pain for this brave woman stole London’s breath. She was an idiot to think she’d suffered more. Being beaten and ‘almost’ raped was nothing compared to what Kelsey had lived through.
“I’m not sorry, London. I’m very glad you asked because I can honestly tell you I’m a stronger woman today becauseof what happened back then. What’s past, is past. Bad things happen. Look at Alex. He lost his first wife and daughter to an automobile accident while he was deployed overseas. He was so hateful and angry when we met. But he was suffering as much as I was. Somehow, we realized we needed each other in order to heal. I reached out to him, and he” —she shrugged both shoulders— “he did what Alex does best. He stepped up and took it from there. And we fell in love.”
“I… I don’t know how to… reach out to Heston…”
“Oh, yes, you do. It’s hard, sure, but that man sitting out there with Alex is dying inside. Heston’s here for you, baby girl, he just doesn’t know how to reach out to you. He’s trying so hard to respect your boundaries, but he’s just a man, not a mind-reader.”
London snorted. “Him, help me? I can’t even help myself.”
“Honey, trust me. The men women like us fall in love with are overbearing, confident to the point of being arrogant, know-it-alls. They live hard and will probably die younger than we’d like. But while they live, they’ll give their all for what they believe. As much as that confident strength annoys us sometimes, it’s precisely what we need and want in our men. Because we’re also who we are. Wearestrong, and they know that. Wearebrave, and they know that, too. And we’ve fought just as many ugly battles as they have. Look at you, girl. You’re a survivor. I’m so proud of you.”
London could’ve basked in Kelsey’s praise all day.
“Ask yourself this: Could you be happy with a man who isn’t brave enough to stand up to you? To stand for you? Like Heston did and still does?”
That very real fact slapped London upside her head. Shehadsurvived a brutal beating by multiple assholes, hadn’t she? Shehadbeen humiliated, made to strip and run for her life. And yes, the whole day had been utterly demeaning. But shewasstill alive. Shehadfought against being gang-raped with every fiber of her being. She hadn’t been raped, and best of all, Hestonhadcome for her, and his righteous ragehadbeen glorious to behold. He’d gone nuclear on the asshat who’d hurt her, who’d thought he could rape her while his asswipe buddies watched. Who’d thought she’d go easy. Well, she’d showed him, hadn’t she? She’d hung on until Heston showed and because Heston loved her more than he cared about himself, Obermeyer was the dead one.Not. Me!
“I never wanted to be like my mom,” she admitted for the first time ever. “And my dad…” London shook her very hard head. “My dad’s afraid of my mom. He’s never stood up to her. Never will.”
“I take it he never stood up for you, either.”
“Well, yeah. I mean, no. He never minded bad-mouthing Heston, but not Mom, when she’d go off on one of her bitch sessions. She wasn’t physically violent as much as she was loud, and she’d say the most hateful things. She called me names and she knew how to destroy any confidence I talked myself into. Dad would just sit there and watch and kinda shrink, like he didn’t want her to see him and lash out at him next. And she would’ve, if he’d… if he’d… just once…” Oh, what the hell? Why bother?
“If he’d ever come to your rescue. If he had ever defended you, just once, like a real man will always defend his child,” Kelsey said pointedly.
“Well, yeah. That…” London replied in a tiny voice. She wiped a quick hand over her still bruised, aching ribs. Man, it was hard talking about home sweet home. Ha! What a joke. The home she’d grown up in had never been sweet.
“London, I am so sorry your mom didn’t know how great a gift you are. She missed out. That’s her loss. And your father’s a pitiful excuse of a man. No real man tolerates any child beingverbally or physically abused, especially not his. Ever,” Kelsey said with vehemence.
“Doesn’t matter. Honest, Kelsey. I figured out pretty early I didn’t want to be like her. And yet, I am, aren’t I? I’m still my mother’s daughter and... and…” London couldn’t say it, that she’d treated Heston the same way her mother had treated her. All her efforts and choices to prove she was better than him, that she could serve her country better than he could, had only brought her full circle, back to her thoughtless cruel mother. “I suck. I’m just like my mom. All this time I’ve been competing with Heston. I thought I always had to be better than him. I had to prove I was just as strong and capable and patriotic. But I’m not.”
Kelsey reached across the space between them and took hold of London’s wrist. “First of all, it doesn’t matter that your mother chose not to love you. That’s on her, not you. I see you, London. I see a beautiful woman who thought she had to fight the world alone, but you don’t. Not anymore. Because now, you’re part ofmyfamily. You’re part of Alex’s family. He doesn’t just hire, he adopts. He’ll deny it, because the family he calls The TEAM has grown larger than he ever anticipated. But that’s what it is. The TEAM and every single agent and their wives and husbands—and their children—are your family from now on. Just like Heston, they will always have your back. They’ll stand with you and for you, and, if needed, they will die for you.”
Wow.London swallowed hard. She had no idea what to say.
“And I hate to break it to you, honey, but you’re not a man, and you weren’t created to do what men do. You’re better than any man on Earth, simply because you’re a woman. You might need a man’s help getting there, but you’re the only one who has the power to conceive, carry, and give birth. And trust me, babies usually come pre-assembled but without any operating instructions, and the labor it takes to get them here hurts likea bitch. No man on Earth could survive what we women can. Neither can men ever hope to perform miracles like conception and childbirth without a shit ton of medical technology and, these days, publicity. Bearing a child is a unique and precious gift, London. Even if you never choose to use it, it’s still very much a part of who you are.”
London’s shoulders lifted with a deep, cleansing sigh. “But Heston saw me break down, Kelsey. After Ober… Ober…”Shit!She couldn’t bear the slimy feel of that bastard’s name on her tongue. “After he did what he-he d-d-did…” London hated with all of her heart that the creep still had a hold on her. He might not have raped her, but in a way, he did. The hateful intent she’d seen in his eyes was just as bad.
Again, Kelsey was there, squeezing London’s wrists, pulling her back from the ugliness lingering in her soul. “Breathe, London. That son of a bitch is dead. Heston killed him and he did it for you. And…”
