Page 59 of The Village Midwife
Alex seemed offended, but he nodded anyway. Zoe had definitely crossed a line this time, but she was tired, stressed and almost past caring. Whatever she had to do to get this family on the right track, she would do. They were far from dysfunctional – and she’d certainly come across a lot worse – but she could see that their relationship was strained in a way it didn’t need to be, if only they’d communicate better.
‘I’ll get the ultrasound department to send another appointment,’ she added, realising they were way past the point of worrying about confidentiality. ‘If you could look out for it and make sure Billie doesn’t forget she promised she’d go this time…’
‘I will. Thanks for coming over.’
Zoe left, emotionally drained. The truths of her own experiences she’d told Billie felt like truths she’d barely shared with anyone. She’d never before admitted that so much of what she did as a midwife was coloured by the loss of her own baby, and yet it was. She cared more than was good for her, and she panicked when she ought to have been calm. She knew her job inside out, but there were things that worried her, even if more often than not they worked out.
It wasn’t only that. Billie’s plight had touched her in an unexpected way. She couldn’t say what it was that felt so personal about it, but there was something. Perhaps it was simply because she was a neighbour as well as a client, someone new to the area in the same way she was and so there was some sense of camaraderie, of shared experience. Maybe, but it seemed too simple an explanation for something that felt so much more complicated.
As she marched towards her own cottage, the path marked out by the soft yellow lanterns Victor had installed for her, she tried not to work it out. Because she was certain that there was no answer to be found.
17
In the end, Zoe had been so tired, she’d opened the first tin of soup she’d laid her hand on and tipped it into a saucepan to heat for her evening meal. She stared into the pan as it began to warm, momentarily blank, until the sound of her phone ringing jerked her back to reality.
She took the pan from the flame and went to see who was calling. If it was Billie – or any other of her mums for that matter – she wanted to be available. So she was disappointed, even vexed, to see Ritchie’s name on the screen. She wanted to ignore it, but he’d been texting and she hadn’t replied, and if she didn’t pick up, there was a distinct possibility that he’d jump in his car and drive over.
‘Hey…’ he said. ‘How’s things?’
‘Hi, Ritchie. Fine. How are you?’
‘I’m good. I just thought…well, I was worried because you didn’t reply to my messages. Thought I might have pissed you off or something.’
‘Of course not. Why would you do that?’
‘I don’t know. But it was weird that you didn’t text back. I know you read them…’
‘I did. I’m sorry, I got busy and forgot to reply.’
‘You forgot to reply toallof them?’
‘Yes, Ritchie,’ she replied, struggling to keep the irritation from her voice. ‘I meant to do it, but then things kept getting in the way. I have a lot on, you know. I have a full-time job that often spills over work hours and a house to run by myself.’
‘Ouch. Got it.’
‘Sorry…’ Zoe let out a sigh. ‘I didn’t mean…I’ve had a tough day, that’s all. How are you doing?’
‘If you need help there, you only have to ask. I can come over and do bits and pieces for you…Last time I was there, I noticed there was a dent in the plaster on the stairs. And one of your kitchen cupboard doors is loose when you open it. And?—’
‘Victor will sort all those things out.’
‘Victor?’
‘My landlord.’
‘I suppose it’s his job. Even so…’
‘You really don’t need to worry about it. I have to learn to do things without you sometime, don’t I?’
‘Do you? We’re still friends, and I’d never leave you in a bind.’
‘I’m not in a bind, Ritchie. Those are little things that I can live with. I can’t even see the point in getting Victor to look at them, quite honestly, because they’re not exactly impacting my life. They’re niggles, like all houses have, like ours used to have.’
‘I fixed things in our house.’
‘Yes, but then there’d be more things. That’s the nature of living in a house, isn’t it? There’s always something to repair.’
‘You said you had a tough day. Want to talk about it?’
