Page 29 of New Dreams for the Village Nurse
‘But she could do with some help and she’s happy for me to ask one or two people.’
‘I hardly know her,’ Magnus said. ‘She never comes to the shop.’
Geoff turned to him. ‘Is that a reason to deny help? Doesn’t seem very neighbourly to me.’
‘She’s not our neighbour,’ Magnus shot back.
‘Of course she is! What does it matter? We’re not meant to give to charity unless they’re right next door to us, is that what you’re saying?’
‘No! I’m only saying she wouldn’t come down to help us if we asked for it?—’
‘Sheisn’t asking; Ottilie is.’
Stacey sent a pained look Ottilie’s way and mouthed an apology. Ottilie looked at her watch. She hated to see them so at odds too, and though she felt guilty for abandoning Stacey with them, it felt like a good time to leave them to it, despite the offer of dinner. The following day was going to be another busy one and it was already getting late.
‘I’m sorry, I’d better go,’ she said, though only Stacey noticed. ‘Thanks so much for the wine.’
‘Any time. I’ll see you out.’
‘There’s no need.’
Stacey glanced at Geoff and Magnus, and her expression of despair was almost comical. ‘Oh, yes, there is! I might even come with you!’
CHAPTER NINE
The headstone still looked new. It was far newer than the ones on the row behind it but had started to look older than those that shared the same row. Ottilie stood and looked at it and was overwhelmed with guilt. It wasn’t only because she was here with Heath, but for so many other reasons.
Instinctively, she’d slipped her hand from Heath’s as they’d arrived, and so she felt guilty for that, because it must have hurt him, and she felt guilty that she was even holding someone else’s hand in front of Josh’s grave. She was filled with shame that she hadn’t been to visit it more often. There were flowers laid there, but until now, none of them had been hers. She’d found it difficult to get away from her commitments in Thimblebury to come here – or so she’d told herself. Those excuses had been white lies to ease that nagging guilt. In reality, she hadn’t been here because she simply hadn’t been able to face it.
There was a deeper, nameless guilt too. Was it because she was still alive, forging ahead with a new life in a new place while Josh hadn’t been given that luxury? Would it have seemed to him she’d far too readily grasped the chance to start again? That she’d forgotten him too quickly – although she still thought ofhim every day – that she’d left him behind with far too much ease?
Today would have been his fortieth birthday. In the years leading up to his death, they’d talked about what they’d do to celebrate. Go on a cruise, perhaps hire one of those houses on stilts on some Thai beach, maybe throw an old-fashioned family party at a local pub. He’d always hankered to see the Northern Lights, and that was meant to be her anniversary gift to him, only they never got that far. Josh had died before then, and nobody had gone on the holiday Ottilie had booked as a surprise.
So here she was, the day they’d talked about for years, and there was no cruise, no house on stilts, no family knees-up. There was only Ottilie standing here with another man, looking at his grave.
Heath kept a respectful silence as he stood at her side. He was good at this sort of thing, Ottilie had noted. Knew when he should offer comfort and when to back off. Even before they’d become a couple she’d noticed that about him.
She recalled the day he’d found her sobbing on the floor of her house when she’d heard Josh’s killer had been arrested, and how brilliant he’d been. He was sensible enough to be here with Ottilie and not see her past with Josh as a threat. She’d admitted she still loved him – because how could she have fallen out of love with a man who wasn’t here to fall out of love with? – but Heath had taken that information like a proper adult, and she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to do the same if it had been the other way around. He was good for her and she knew it, and she was certain Josh would have seen it too, but none of that helped her feel any better.
As she wiped away her tears, she glanced up to see Heath watching her carefully. He offered a pained smile.
‘I’m all right,’ she said.
‘You don’t have to pretend for my sake.’
‘I know. I mean, I’m obviously not all right, but I’m all right enough.’
‘Do you want me to leave you alone for a minute?’
Ottilie considered his question. Did she? On the one hand, she could say what she needed to Josh better without Heath there. But on the other hand, she didn’t want to keep secrets from Heath, not even that one. And she appreciated the strength that she absorbed whenever he was close. Right now, she needed it. The time for falling apart had passed, but it didn’t mean that standing in front of this stone was easy.
‘No,’ she said finally. ‘Stay, please. I won’t be much longer.’
‘Stay as long as you want to.’
Ottilie shook her head. ‘There almost doesn’t seem like any point. He’s not there really, is he? Now that I’m here, I don’t even know why I’ve come. It’s nobody’s birthday – how can a man who isn’t here have a birthday?’
‘You don’t mean that.’
