Page 55 of Petals and Strings
“I appreciate it,” I said, giving him a warm smile as I took a sip. It was a floral tea of some kind, the sweet blend of honey rounding it out perfectly.
“I’m glad,” he said, a ghost of a smile on his face. It was small and haunted, but there.
“I’m glad it’s not mint,” I said with a chuckle. “Once I had a cold and my mother insisted on me drinking cup after cup as if that would miraculously take care of it. I haven’t been able to stomach mint since.”
He looked lost for a second, then finally looked at me. Confusion stirred in his features.
“Did you make this?”
The question had me tilting my head. “No, you did. You said I looked like I could use it.”
A flicker of recognition hit and he shook his head. “Yes, yes, of course. Sorry.” He looked embarrassed now and I hated that.
I wondered how often these moments hit for him. It had to be so terrifying. I was forced to remember the worst parts of what happened in my past, but at least I didn’t wake up here in pure confusion, unsure which way was up or down. Not knowing what sent me here.
He stood abruptly and walked away, not saying a word and leaving the tray and cup of tea he was holding, behind.
Setting my book aside I picked it up, heading for the dining hall. I didn't want him to get in trouble for leaving something around that he should have never had.
Nurses were stationed at their usual evening posts, most offices locked and dark for the evening. Only the library, dining hall, and dayroom were lit up now.
There was only a small cleaning crew in the kitchen that directed me to the sink. I washed the tray and put it up, tossing the cups in the trash before heading out.
My eyes flickered to the dayroom as I passed, an idea forming in my mind. When I’d gone in here last I saw a stack of notebooks and pens on one of the shelves. I walked over and snagged one that was a pale green. Grabbing a black marker, I wrote his name in bold letters across the cover.
No one questioned why I’d come for it. Hell, they encouraged journaling so they likely assumed that was my purpose.
When I got back to my room I sat at the small desk, opening it up and writing down today’s date.
Underneath, I started an entry. Even if it was small, I hoped it would help him feel a bit more normal.
Today we had group therapy with Eleanor, the therapist stepping in for Theo’s patients until they foid a permanent replacement. She spoke about the importance of having something to ground us. I know how scary it is to not havecontrol of your memories or your mind, and I hope this helps some.
Dinner was soup and crackers, we all ate while Ledger talked about a book he was reading. It was calm. Comfortable.
The book was a fantasy one about dragons. You mentioned that you had a stuffed dragon as a kid. He was green. Your favorite color, which is why I chose this notebook.
In the evening you made me tea for us. You saw that I could use it and thought that maybe that was something you used to do.
You were right, I did need it. Thank you.
I signed my name at the bottom and closed the journal. Kane wasn’t in his room but the door was wide open. I put the notebook on his bedside table with a pen before heading back to my room.
Nancy came and went with evening medicine but I didn’t feel tired despite my sore muscles.
It was the first time my mind felt calm after Malik changed my meds, and I was afraid to let that go.
Who knew what the morning would bring.
When the night settled further, I ventured out of my room. My socked feet kept my footsteps masked as I walked past the distracted, half-asleep nurses and slid into the conservatory, relieved to find it unlocked still.
There were a few patients and staff inside but no one paid me any mind as I settled in the usual dark corner, sitting on the cool concrete and letting my fingers brush over the green vines.
This was the most at peace I’d been in a long time.
What started as a hum, turned into a soft, quiet song that I sang only for me. Something I’d done since I was a kid, letting the music help me cling to that sense of calm. The violin case was at my feet, but for some reason, I didn't reach for it.
Someone sat down next to me, the scent of warm bourbon and vanilla and spice had my song drifting off.
