Page 76 of Maverick
I’m not going to stand here and let him stab me repeatedly. Because I don’t deserve that. I consider leaving Frank. But I don’t. He said I could take him, and I will.
But I have to take my whole broken self back to my parents’ place, and I’m not thrilled about that. I was always going to go back, but I would’ve preferred not to go back like this. Oh well. It’s a lesson for me on middle grounds. Because I’m not going back with my tail between my legs, not really. I have a horse for dressage, I have a championship in barrel racing. Maybe not this year, but I’ve had one. I had a relationship, even if it didn’t last.
Complexity. He and I talked about that. About how people are complicated. And life is complicated.
That is so much easier for me to hang onto when the complication isn’t being aimed at me.
It takes me two days to drive back to Sonoma, and I cry the whole way. I listen to Taylor Swift because there’s nothing better in a crisis. And really, I should go straight to my own house, but instead, I drive to my parents’. Maybe because I want to show them Frank. Because I want to have some kind of win. Even if it’s related to something I shouldn’t care this much about. And when I pull up to the barn, it’s midday, and Harmony is standing out front wearing perfectly fitted breeches and the jacket, a black velvet helmet on her head. I pull my truck up, and I feelunbearably out of step with my sister. Right then, I wonder if I’m too much of a hybrid to be anything. Too Western for this, too dressage for the rodeo.
And here I am with both of my horses. And all of my heartbreak. I see the ring on her finger, and my heart squeezes just a little bit. I wish that could’ve been me. But it can’t be. Because I fell in love with a man who’s just like me. Too gorgeous not to be loved, and too feral to allow someone to love him.
Middle ground that just doesn’t work.
Too much of one thing, not enough of another.
He is my soulmate in all the worst ways.
But if we could just find a way to fit…
He doesn’t want to.
That’s the hardest part. Well, that and me understanding it. Even while it hurts.
After all, I’ve spent my life doing very similar things. Ducking and running from everything I’ve ever tried when I was afraid I might not be able to be the best.
Blowing it all up when things felt too complicated. I take a deep breath, and throw my truck into Park. Then I get out.
“Hey. Congrats on the engagement.”
She frowns. “What are you doing here?”
“I…have… a horse. I’m probably going to start showing again next season.”
She lifts a pale brow. “You are?”
“Yeah. I… I was just thinking I might take a break from the rodeo. Well, partly because I chanced across this horse and…” I don’t want to cry in front of my sister. She has everything together. She has everything that I could have ever wanted. Including my parents’ unwavering support. And a fiancé that loves her, instead of a man who gave her a horse and told her to get lost.
I feel my eyes welling up with tears anyway.
“It’s just a long story.”
Harmony looks concerned, though doesn’t run to me, doesn’t pull me into her arms or anything, and that’s fair, we don’t really have that kind of relationship.
“Are you okay?”
“Not really.”
Harmony frowns. “Is it a man?”
“Why does it have to be a man? It could be a horse. Or the fact that I bombed out of the rodeo this year.”
“But you were staying with a man while you did this horse thing, if I was reading between the lines correctly.”
I sighed. “Yes.” A tear slips down my cheek. “And yes, it is a man.”
“You know, I always admired you, Stella.”
I’m completely dumbfounded by this statement. “You admired me?”
